Honeydew

Thank fuck for that. #Eurovision (Also, never seen so many "fucks" on that hashtag before...)

And I forgot to include Albania among my favourites #Eurovision

My favourites were Moldova, Sweden, Finland, Bulgaria, and Croatia. But I think it'll be Australia that wins.

Austria "lovely horsing" it this year, it seems #Eurovision

Romania going for the controversial lyrics approach for getting attention - but they really didn't need to. It's a good song, with a great performance: the gimmick may actually harm them. #Eurovision

Ooh, real Billy Idol vibes from Norway. Wasn't expecting that - but it undeniably works as a song. Although again, the arena audience don't seem particularly enthused, possibly due to mediocre staging? #Eurovision

Italy: it's well done, and it's a stark contrast to most of the acts, so it might be memorable enough to do well. But it's just not to my taste - bit too Barry Manilow. #Eurovision

So Cyprus going for the horny teenage boy vote... #Eurovision

Definite Covid flashbacks from Sweden - but this is actually good. Not "Eurovision good", but "I might choose to listen to this after Eurovision good". Those are not the same! #Eurovision.

Lithuania - it's good and a bit bonkers. But probably neither good enough nor bonkers enough to get into the top half of the scoreboard. #Eurovision

Poland, good luck following that...

I mean, it was quite good, but also no better than quite good. #Eurovision

Wow, Finland - staggering. I loved that. And the gimmick of a live instrument (which probably shouldn't be a gimmick, tbf) may be a winning move. #Eurovision

Moldova: *exactly* the right amount of lunacy for what I want from #Eurovision. Great performance and staging: and yet it's backed with a catchy tune as well. Awesome.

France have turned the "being French" up to 11 - and I love it. Awesome, but just a little bit short of Australia. #Eurovision

I quite like the UK song, but it's really noticeable that there's very little reaction from the audience until the call and response. I think it deserves to do better than it will.

Trouble is, this will encourage us to keep sending dull songs rather than Eurovision songs. #Eurovision.

Croatia: a reboot of Charmed. But as a musical. And, you know, good. I'm really liking this, but I fear it won't do well. #Eurovision

Bulgaria, what the fuck? I mean, it's got me hooked but what is this? Have I banged my head or something? #Eurovision

Czechia should be the montage of a superhero film where the hero's just made the decision that the villain needs to be stopped. Quite liked that song, but think it'll finish mid-table. #Eurovision

Malta misread the brief and sent a perfume advert. Or maybe a shampoo advert - getting David Ginola vibes. #Eurovision

Serbia have brought the Kurgan from the Highlander? This should be right up my street, but it's just not floating my boat. #Eurovision

My bitchy opinion of the Australia song is that it sounds like a second rate Mariah Carey clone. But it's so well done, and with such gusto, that it's won me over - I think this might be the winner? Definitely my fave so far #Eurovision

Very earnest from Ukraine, but it suffers by being straight after Greece. Which means it ends up seeming a bit, well, dull. #Eurovision.

Finally, someone is bringing the weird. Slightly too weird for me - but it's undeniably well done, and an impressive show in 2 and a half minutes. I think Greece will do well #Eurovision

I like overblown operatic Goth - like Fields of the Nephilim etc - and Albania are absolutely hitting that mark. Suspect it'll do badly, but I'm enjoying this! #Eurovision

Belgium: It's not bad, but it's not good. It's just a bit "Will this do?". #Eurovision.

Germany: Very 90s girl band - think All Saints or similar - but done well enough to be fun. This and Denmark are a pretty strong start for #Eurovision.

Denmark: a Placebo tribute act? #Eurovision

Yes, I will be tooting about #Eurovision this year. This shouldn't be considered an endorsement of Israel's participation, but rather an endorsement of every0one else's participation. If you'd rather not see the toots, feel free to mute or unfollow.

Michael Ostrowski: dressed like the Poundland version of Prince. #Eurovision