#socialevents — Public Fediverse posts

Dinner Party!

About 30 years ago when I was a practicing Catholic, before becoming a heathen, I asked a mother at the end of Sunday mass “what is your son doing?” With a wry smile, she replied “20 years at the state penitentiary.” I do not remember if I asked for additional details.

My plan to attend a retired faculty and staff dinner this evening reminded me of that exchange with the mother. I am reluctantly attending after being invited by a former employees who is also retired. My expectation is attendees will boast of accomplishments by their children and grandchildren, their travels, and perhaps volunteer work. They will ask me about my family. I am not eager to “throw a turd in the punch bowl” as a retired faculty friend used to say when he brought up his activities for gay rights. But if I am honest, I will tell them I spend much of my time supporting a wife with major depression, a transgender daughter with schizophrenia, and a son with substance use disorder—the remainder of my time going to housekeeping, paying bills, hiking, and reading books about mental illness, consciousness, and the philosophy of science at home. Most of the time I am not bitter about this. It has been an opportunity to learn about things that would otherwise be foreign to me. But these experiences only dominate the lives of a small minority of parents and are not the kinds of experiences one normally talks about at social gatherings. It occurred to me that it might be fun to lie about a child becoming a famed neurosurgeon, being nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, or some such thing. The names of my children are common enough that I could probably find accomplished persons who share the same names. But, I do not think I could pull if off with a straight face and it would harm my reputation if they found out later. It will be better to tell the truth and muddle through it. But if the experience is what I expect, I will probably excuse myself from attending such events in the future.

#SocialEvents #Retirement #Dinners #Parenting #Families #Disability #Caregiving #MentalHealth