#lunchpun — Public Fediverse posts

The reason that the pope travels so much is because he's a roaming Catholic.

#LunchPun

What a rip off. Bayeux tapestry, they said. but you can't. It has to go back to France.

#LunchPun

Mont-Saint-Michel is proof that Norman is an island.

#LunchPun

Nobody knows how to correctly pluralise athletic equipment, discuss.

#LunchPun

"My wife's favourite 80s movie is Moonstruck, while I prefer First Blood. She's adamant she's right, though."
"She prefers some Cher over the Rambo?"
"That was much earlier!"

#LunchPun

If you’re a budgie, talk is cheep.
#LunchPun

Given the number of child-attracted sexual predators working at an oblivious BBC in the seventies and eighties, the prevalent management style could be described as no nonce sense.

#LunchPun

"Remember how difficult it used to be to connect your TV and cable - always crawling round the back with different types of wire?"
"Yeah, Scart issues"
"Oh, I'm over it now, thanks"

#LunchPun

"I couldn’t find anything I liked in the opticians"
"Buy fuck all?"
"With any kind of lens."

#LunchPun

Women train drivers demand the right to choo choos

#LunchPun

I feel a bit ripped off. These are just normal colours. Nothing that great about them at all.

#LunchPun

Chatham Docks was closed in the 1980s and most of it was demolished. Which gave a whole new meaning to the expression, "built like a Brit shiphouse."

#LunchPun

"I've been asked to make lunch for Professor Oppenheimer and his team."
"Ah, the fission chaps?"
"I was thinking sandwiches"

#LunchPun

Food is so messed up. Turkey has a crown, but chicken has a coronation.

#LunchPun

It's also weird that evaporated milk and condensed milk are different things, but there's no pun in that.

I always used to smoke bells in my bong.

#LunchPun

Came across two barn owls that had been tangled in some sticky paper; it might have been fly paper. Managed to carefully remove it and released them into the night. Someone called the police on me!

Have to be very careful how you dispose of papered owls.

#LunchPun

Reading from a book, "... and Dracula commanded that when Van Helsing died, his mortal remains were to be spread out on a table for monsters to feast on."

"They were going to buffet the vampire slayer?"

"Completely different franchise!"

#LunchPun

Startled to wake up with my wife looming angrily over me. If her weaving upsets her so much, she shouldn't do it above my bed.

#LunchPun

John Cage should be barred, but Philip Glass is smashing.

#LunchPun

We went to a lecture which explained how ships like the Titanic were held together.

It was riveting.

#LunchPun

The Secretary of State for Health has been handing out bandages, but no one seems to know why. Possibly it's simply a case of gauze and Yvette.

#LunchPun

American's are very Christian.

They've even renamed diarrhoea, lettuce spray.

#LunchPun

"I'd love to be a trustee of the estate of CS Lewis."
"Narnia business?"
"I only asked."

#LunchPun

People insist on calling them urinals, but "a pee place" is so much more positive sounding.

#LunchPun

Found a council road works van crashed by the side of the road and called an ambulance for the driver. When they arrived, they took his vital signs straight away.

When I objected, they said they only planned to use them to divert traffic.

#LunchPun

"Of course, the original spelling was ciclops?"
"Just the one i?"
"That's them."

#LunchPun

In the Odyssey, Odysseus has to fight the Cyclops before encountering Scylla and Charybdis, because the rule is always eye before sea.

#LunchPun

I've been told, "Don’t eat oysters unless there is an R in the month".
There's never an r in "the month", I think it's something being put around by oysters.

#LunchPun

Always keen to get the basics right, Hogwarts focuses on making sure everyone knows how to spell.

#LunchPun

Went to see Snow White and the Six Dwarves. It was OK but lacked a little something.

#LunchPun