The Wilderness of Ill
I came across a song I wrote and recorded years ago, titled “Fences.”
“I’m looking for a land with no fences. I’m heading for the wilderness, where the land is still at rest.” A year after writing it, I moved from the city to the wilderness.
Ten years later, I found myself wandering in another desert place. I had always been a man of good constitution. In my late 30s, I could not seem to stay well. I was wandering in the Wilderness of Ill.
Now another ten years have passed, and even though I have the typical aches and pains of a 40-plus-year-old body, I have my health back. Perhaps with age comes wisdom, but also a willingness to listen to those who might have the answer. The healing began in my belly and moved to my mind.
First, I discovered I was gluten intolerant. I simply stopped eating wheat and could stop drinking bottles of Mylanta. My gut healed. Now I’m having to cut back on soda, namely Dr. Pepper, which I am addicted to, but it is a nice problem to have. For a while there, I couldn’t have any because of severe heartburn.
Secondly, after much consultation with friends and my doc, I started taking Zoloft. I had avoided the symptoms of depression for years. Being someone who enjoys life and laughter has given me many coping mechanisms, but the ups and downs are taking their toll as life’s stresses increase. I was worried that my creativity would disappear, and it has been an adjustment. Now instead of the muse coming out of my manic phases, it is arising out of my center. There is more work involved, but the joy is deeper.
So I no longer wander in the Wilderness of Ill, though I still spend way too much time lurking around its borders. My belly and brain serve as gentle voices to steer me back into the land of plenty.
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