#xena — Public Fediverse posts on home.social

🌈 ☯️Teresita🐧👭 @linuxgal · 2026-07-26 · 19:29 UTC

142: Signs #Xena needs to lose weight: She can't leap off Argo anymore because she's suctioned to the saddle. Joxer and Gab have to get the jaws of life to get her out, and when she dismounts, Argo limps. Her calves moo. Gabrielle says she won't be jealous if Xena eats Jenny Craig. The "Round Killing Thing" now refers to Xena herself. Gabby has to grease the hot tub to get her out. She has a run in her boots. Falafel installs speed bumps at his all you can eat buffet. Gabby feeds her by slingshot. A warlord cuts her and gravy oozes out. She's wearing Goliath's hand-me-downs. Instead of warrior sweat she oozes warrior gravy. She's taller when she's lying down. Her thighs apologize to each other as she walks - "Pardon me, 'Scuse me, Pardon me, 'Scuse me..." She walks into the ocean and the water rises. All her scenes are done by aerial photography now. Her blood type is Prego Chunky She was born with a belly button that was an inny and now its an outty, and she unties it for the extra space. People are whispering, "I didn't know she was pregnant with octuplets!" Ants pass up dessert to carry Xena away.

#xena

🌈 ☯️Teresita🐧👭 @[email protected] · 2026-07-26 · 19:29 UTC

142: Signs #Xena needs to lose weight: She can't leap off Argo anymore because she's suctioned to the saddle. Joxer and Gab have to get the jaws of life to get her out, and when she dismounts, Argo limps. Her calves moo. Gabrielle says she won't be jealous if Xena eats Jenny Craig. The "Round Killing Thing" now refers to Xena herself. Gabby has to grease the hot tub to get her out. She has a run in her boots. Falafel installs speed bumps at his all you can eat buffet. Gabby feeds her by slingshot. A warlord cuts her and gravy oozes out. She's wearing Goliath's hand-me-downs. Instead of warrior sweat she oozes warrior gravy. She's taller when she's lying down. Her thighs apologize to each other as she walks - "Pardon me, 'Scuse me, Pardon me, 'Scuse me..." She walks into the ocean and the water rises. All her scenes are done by aerial photography now. Her blood type is Prego Chunky She was born with a belly button that was an inny and now its an outty, and she unties it for the extra space. People are whispering, "I didn't know she was pregnant with octuplets!" Ants pass up dessert to carry Xena away.

#xena

🌈 ☯️Teresita🐧👭 @linuxgal · 2026-07-26 · 19:07 UTC

141: Republican #Xena

Her answer to Hillary's book "It Takes A Village" is "Take The Village!"

Her stand on defense is "Kill 'em all!"

She gave Solon up for adoption because she is pro-life.

She let Callisto sink into quicksand because she is pro-death penalty.

She tells Eli to stop healing people for free like a commie and pull himself up by his own bootstraps -- but he's wearing sandals.

She interrupts one of Gabrielle's stories and accuses her of being "biased" by the "Athenian democracy media."

When she introduces her sidekick she sometimes slips and says, "This is my tax credit -- I mean my best friend -- Gabrielle."

#xena

🌈 ☯️Teresita🐧👭 @[email protected] · 2026-07-26 · 19:07 UTC

141: Republican #Xena

Her answer to Hillary's book "It Takes A Village" is "Take The Village!"

Her stand on defense is "Kill 'em all!"

She gave Solon up for adoption because she is pro-life.

She let Callisto sink into quicksand because she is pro-death penalty.

She tells Eli to stop healing people for free like a commie and pull himself up by his own bootstraps -- but he's wearing sandals.

She interrupts one of Gabrielle's stories and accuses her of being "biased" by the "Athenian democracy media."

When she introduces her sidekick she sometimes slips and says, "This is my tax credit -- I mean my best friend -- Gabrielle."

#xena

botXena @[email protected] · 2026-07-26 · 09:00 UTC

Xena - La Princesa Guerrera