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  1. One more week. Five days. That's all that stands between me and my partner and sweet freedom that not having to do the fucking school run brings.

    And then? When we do have to do it again.....both of them will be at school full time. What a dream. What an absolute dream. 

    #UKParent

  2. One more week. Five days. That's all that stands between me and my partner and sweet freedom that not having to do the fucking school run brings.

    And then? When we do have to do it again.....both of them will be at school full time. What a dream. What an absolute dream. 

    #UKParent

  3. £45 to take a family of four into a soft play for 90 minutes on a Saturday.

    Absolutely ridiculous.

    #UKParent

  4. £45 to take a family of four into a soft play for 90 minutes on a Saturday.

    Absolutely ridiculous.

    #UKParent

  5. Avoiding the need for a pair of Wellington Boots is relatively easy when you don't have young kids; you don't like the snow or rain? Don't go out in it, or atleast don't actively chase it.

    Every single year since I became a parent nearly seven years ago I've made the call to buy some wellies. It never happens mind, and then every single time I go out in the snow, or to chase puddles, or to visit a dirty farm or a muddy nature walk I regret my inaction.

    Do I get back home and buy wellies? Of course not, that'd be too easy. I'm not about easy. Easy is for losers.

    And now here I am. My trainers are soaked. My feet are basically useless for the next two hours and I'm once again regretting my inaction.

    #UKParent #Parent

  6. Avoiding the need for a pair of Wellington Boots is relatively easy when you don't have young kids; you don't like the snow or rain? Don't go out in it, or atleast don't actively chase it.

    Every single year since I became a parent nearly seven years ago I've made the call to buy some wellies. It never happens mind, and then every single time I go out in the snow, or to chase puddles, or to visit a dirty farm or a muddy nature walk I regret my inaction.

    Do I get back home and buy wellies? Of course not, that'd be too easy. I'm not about easy. Easy is for losers.

    And now here I am. My trainers are soaked. My feet are basically useless for the next two hours and I'm once again regretting my inaction.

    #UKParent #Parent

  7. bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp3dyk

    Much as the internet is quick to blame parents, I think there's much more at play here.

    We've turned our society into a place where if you're not wealthy, you're working; and if you're not working, you're not providing for your family.

    That doesn't excuse individual cases for sure, but this is a trend that's only getting worse, and it's directly down to how little time modern #parents are allowed to spend with their pre-schoolers.

    #UKParent

  8. bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cp3dyk

    Much as the internet is quick to blame parents, I think there's much more at play here.

    We've turned our society into a place where if you're not wealthy, you're working; and if you're not working, you're not providing for your family.

    That doesn't excuse individual cases for sure, but this is a trend that's only getting worse, and it's directly down to how little time modern #parents are allowed to spend with their pre-schoolers.

    #UKParent

  9. CW: Eye Contact - Selfie

    This is my 'it's 6:30 on a Sunday fucking morning why am I having to colour in to appease a toddler and how did my life become this?' look.

    #UKParent #Parent

  10. CW: Eye Contact - Selfie

    This is my 'it's 6:30 on a Sunday fucking morning why am I having to colour in to appease a toddler and how did my life become this?' look.

    #UKParent #Parent

  11. Need a solid way to keep the kids busy for half an hour? Chrome Music Labs. Works in the browser and is great on a touchscreen.

    Right now they're drawing on the screen and then it turns it into music. They've got some genuinely amazing little things available and I don't think enough parents know about it.

    #Parent #UKParent

  12. Need a solid way to keep the kids busy for half an hour? Chrome Music Labs. Works in the browser and is great on a touchscreen.

    Right now they're drawing on the screen and then it turns it into music. They've got some genuinely amazing little things available and I don't think enough parents know about it.

    #Parent #UKParent

  13. Lil' Man just had a full on meltdown and try as I might I couldn't reach him. I got down low, I spoke softly and I did all the things I did with my daughter when she was younger and he just couldn't come over to me.

    Real hard to go through that. I know he's okay and safe and all that but when a toddler loses it in such a way you know they're scared and frightened and the fact I couldn't help him kills me.

    #UKParent #GentleParent

  14. Lil' Man just had a full on meltdown and try as I might I couldn't reach him. I got down low, I spoke softly and I did all the things I did with my daughter when she was younger and he just couldn't come over to me.

    Real hard to go through that. I know he's okay and safe and all that but when a toddler loses it in such a way you know they're scared and frightened and the fact I couldn't help him kills me.

    #UKParent #GentleParent

  15. Had the last 12 days off. Longest I've spent with the kids in, well since I started working days. Holiday was great. Being with them was (tiring but) great. I'm going to miss them so much tomorrow.

    Already had a lil' cry. Told them how much I love them and how I'd love to be able to stay with them always, but I guess we don't live in that world.

    Fully expect to be a total wreck on the way to work tomorrow. This didn't happen when I worked nights.

    #UKParent #Parent

  16. Had the last 12 days off. Longest I've spent with the kids in, well since I started working days. Holiday was great. Being with them was (tiring but) great. I'm going to miss them so much tomorrow.

    Already had a lil' cry. Told them how much I love them and how I'd love to be able to stay with them always, but I guess we don't live in that world.

    Fully expect to be a total wreck on the way to work tomorrow. This didn't happen when I worked nights.

    #UKParent #Parent

  17. Mummy is back at work today. I'm back at work on Tuesday. The holiday (for us) is officially over. Sadness.

    #UKParent

  18. Mummy is back at work today. I'm back at work on Tuesday. The holiday (for us) is officially over. Sadness.

    #UKParent

  19. I am the 'having kids hasn't stopped me doing things I used to do......but now it's all shit' meme made flesh.

    'Holiday' (memory making trip) today.

    The toddler is going to be a nightmare; all the same garbage he puts us through on a daily basis, only we don't have the relative comfort of our home and routine to fall back on.

    And I've just checked the weather, it's going to be (at best) overcast the entire week.

    I'm turning into Victor Meldrew.

    #UKParent

  20. I am the 'having kids hasn't stopped me doing things I used to do......but now it's all shit' meme made flesh.

    'Holiday' (memory making trip) today.

    The toddler is going to be a nightmare; all the same garbage he puts us through on a daily basis, only we don't have the relative comfort of our home and routine to fall back on.

    And I've just checked the weather, it's going to be (at best) overcast the entire week.

    I'm turning into Victor Meldrew.

    #UKParent

  21. Dropped the word impertinent whilst disciplining my six year old this evening.

    My English GCSE teacher would be well proud. My six year old? Couldn't give a shit.

    #UKParent

  22. Dropped the word impertinent whilst disciplining my six year old this evening.

    My English GCSE teacher would be well proud. My six year old? Couldn't give a shit.

    #UKParent

  23. Ultimately calmed her down whilst I left the two year old reading a book.

    Two year old is fucked. He wants to go bed but never goes down easy and when I finally get back to him he's almost fallen asleep on the sofa.

    Pick him up. Waltz into his bedroom and place him in his bed.....

    Please stay asleep. Please.

    #UKParent

  24. On my own today so I'm getting the six year old and the two year old down solo. It's never much fun but tonight was a doozie.

    Six year old knows its rough and she takes advantage; ultimately she goes bed first because it's the only way I can get two year old calm enough to go down.

    She's down for half an hour before I hear crying. I leave two year old and go see what's up??

    "Daddy I'm scared of dying....."

    Fuck me kiddo. Tonight is not the night for an existential crisis.

    #UKParent

  25. Ultimately calmed her down whilst I left the two year old reading a book.

    Two year old is fucked. He wants to go bed but never goes down easy and when I finally get back to him he's almost fallen asleep on the sofa.

    Pick him up. Waltz into his bedroom and place him in his bed.....

    Please stay asleep. Please.

    #UKParent

  26. On my own today so I'm getting the six year old and the two year old down solo. It's never much fun but tonight was a doozie.

    Six year old knows its rough and she takes advantage; ultimately she goes bed first because it's the only way I can get two year old calm enough to go down.

    She's down for half an hour before I hear crying. I leave two year old and go see what's up??

    "Daddy I'm scared of dying....."

    Fuck me kiddo. Tonight is not the night for an existential crisis.

    #UKParent

  27. Having something of my own Stumpfest this morning.

    Only I can't dig the stump up, which complicates the matter.

    So I cut the tree/bush thing down yesterday. Today's job is to get it down to a level that the kids won't trip over it every single day.

    And somehow take the cutting and branches to the tip..in my Focus.

    *Reuploaded for the Alt-Text*

    #UKParent

  28. Having something of my own Stumpfest this morning.

    Only I can't dig the stump up, which complicates the matter.

    So I cut the tree/bush thing down yesterday. Today's job is to get it down to a level that the kids won't trip over it every single day.

    And somehow take the cutting and branches to the tip..in my Focus.

    *Reuploaded for the Alt-Text*

    #UKParent

  29. Reading my daughter's end of year school report and I'm fairly confident the teacher has imposter syndrome.

    Nah, fair play to my child. Sounds like she's doing incredibly well both academically and socially.

    I'm a very proud daddy this evening.

    #UKParent

  30. Reading my daughter's end of year school report and I'm fairly confident the teacher has imposter syndrome.

    Nah, fair play to my child. Sounds like she's doing incredibly well both academically and socially.

    I'm a very proud daddy this evening.

    #UKParent

  31. I've got to give my son credit. Despite it being the warmest day of the year, and despite him not napping, and despite him only having a choppy 8 hours of sleep last night and despite him being awake since 5am....he's putting in one hell of a fight this evening.

    We're only twenty minutes short of an hour here. Truly breathtaking commitment to the bit.

    #UKParent #SaveMe

  32. I've got to give my son credit. Despite it being the warmest day of the year, and despite him not napping, and despite him only having a choppy 8 hours of sleep last night and despite him being awake since 5am....he's putting in one hell of a fight this evening.

    We're only twenty minutes short of an hour here. Truly breathtaking commitment to the bit.

    #UKParent #SaveMe

  33. Filled my #UKGeneralElection vote in this morning. Spent five minutes trying to explain what's what to my daughter, making special care not to try and tell her who she should vote for when she's old enough.

    We don't do a very good job of teaching our children how our democracy works, both in home and educational settings. If I can make a little difference right now, maybe in 20 years she'll be a little more informed, and that's never a bad thing.

    #UKParent #Vote

  34. Filled my #UKGeneralElection vote in this morning. Spent five minutes trying to explain what's what to my daughter, making special care not to try and tell her who she should vote for when she's old enough.

    We don't do a very good job of teaching our children how our democracy works, both in home and educational settings. If I can make a little difference right now, maybe in 20 years she'll be a little more informed, and that's never a bad thing.

    #UKParent #Vote

  35. Looking at taking the family to the Zoo on fathers day (no rest for the wicked eh).

    Total cost for 2 kids and 2 adults is £73. And that's with the 2 year old going free.

    What kind of bat-shit pricing is that? Doesn't include access to the on-site softplay, or any thrills either. Food and drink, giftshop etc etc.

    You're easily looking at more than I'd earn in a day just to go to the bloody zoo for 3-4 hours. Madness. MADNESS!

    #UKParent

  36. Looking at taking the family to the Zoo on fathers day (no rest for the wicked eh).

    Total cost for 2 kids and 2 adults is £73. And that's with the 2 year old going free.

    What kind of bat-shit pricing is that? Doesn't include access to the on-site softplay, or any thrills either. Food and drink, giftshop etc etc.

    You're easily looking at more than I'd earn in a day just to go to the bloody zoo for 3-4 hours. Madness. MADNESS!

    #UKParent

  37. CW: Parenting; Online Access to Kids Data.

    mirror.co.uk/news/politics/gri

    As I said a week ago, this is a terrible idea.

    If the children are old enough to be unsupervised on the internet, they're old enough to expect a safe and private space away from their parents.

    Not only is a massive breach of privacy, it's also an absolute certainty that you're going to see something that you'd rather not.

    #UKParent

  38. CW: Parenting; Online Access to Kids Data.

    mirror.co.uk/news/politics/gri

    As I said a week ago, this is a terrible idea.

    If the children are old enough to be unsupervised on the internet, they're old enough to expect a safe and private space away from their parents.

    Not only is a massive breach of privacy, it's also an absolute certainty that you're going to see something that you'd rather not.

    #UKParent

  39. I dunno. I totally understand the need to keep your children safe, but I personally don't want the ability to go through my child's telephone data.

    If they're old enough to have a phone that isn't lockdown through parental controls and the sort, they're old enough not to worry about me snooping on their conversations, search history and online habits.

    Unfettered access to your childs data is not something that should be given to a parent on a whim.

    #UKParent

  40. I dunno. I totally understand the need to keep your children safe, but I personally don't want the ability to go through my child's telephone data.

    If they're old enough to have a phone that isn't lockdown through parental controls and the sort, they're old enough not to worry about me snooping on their conversations, search history and online habits.

    Unfettered access to your childs data is not something that should be given to a parent on a whim.

    #UKParent

  41. I've officially requested a place for my son at the local primary school's attached nursery.

    His big sister went there. It's on the school grounds. And we get on great with the nursery teachers.

    Because it's not run for profit we also don't get hit with ridiculous add-on charges that private places use to earn money.

    With the funded hours it'll likely only cost us £50 a term or so.

    #UKParent

  42. I've officially requested a place for my son at the local primary school's attached nursery.

    His big sister went there. It's on the school grounds. And we get on great with the nursery teachers.

    Because it's not run for profit we also don't get hit with ridiculous add-on charges that private places use to earn money.

    With the funded hours it'll likely only cost us £50 a term or so.

    #UKParent

  43. I don't think people without kids can truly understand how frustratingly regular it is for young kids to get sick. Or how a ho-hum cold (that you don't even have) can absolutely ruin your week.

    #UKParent

  44. I don't think people without kids can truly understand how frustratingly regular it is for young kids to get sick. Or how a ho-hum cold (that you don't even have) can absolutely ruin your week.

    #UKParent

  45. This week off has been fun. But it's also made it pretty obvious to me how much easier parenting is when you've got two parents available to do it at the same time.

    Not sure how much longer we're going to be able to keep up this alternating shifts, especially when we're both significantly happier and less stressed (and thus better parents) when we can share the load.

    #UKParent

  46. This week off has been fun. But it's also made it pretty obvious to me how much easier parenting is when you've got two parents available to do it at the same time.

    Not sure how much longer we're going to be able to keep up this alternating shifts, especially when we're both significantly happier and less stressed (and thus better parents) when we can share the load.

    #UKParent

  47. Looks like my two year old has decided the formula life isn't for him anymore.

    Going to use the money we've saved each month to buy that Lambo I've had my eye on for a while.

    #UKParent

  48. Looks like my two year old has decided the formula life isn't for him anymore.

    Going to use the money we've saved each month to buy that Lambo I've had my eye on for a while.

    #UKParent

  49. Let's be honest here. We're Stripes family rather than Bandits family. And that's okay.

    #Bluey #UKParent

  50. Let's be honest here. We're Stripes family rather than Bandits family. And that's okay.

    #Bluey #UKParent

  51. You know what? In some ways the anxiety of wether my toddler will nap is worse than the idea of him just staying awake all day.

    #UKParent

  52. You know what? In some ways the anxiety of wether my toddler will nap is worse than the idea of him just staying awake all day.

    #UKParent

  53. Determined that today is going to be a good day. No crying. No breakdown. Just me, being a good dad and trying to enjoy the mayhem.

    Here we go.

    #Dadstodon #UKParent

  54. Determined that today is going to be a good day. No crying. No breakdown. Just me, being a good dad and trying to enjoy the mayhem.

    Here we go.

    #Dadstodon #UKParent

  55. I didn't want a repeat of last weekend, so I came into this one with the best of intentions. We're gonna go out, we're gonna have fun, weather be damned.

    It's 8am. I spent last night on the floor on my daughter's room. I'm absolutely gassed already.

    My two year old has spent the first two hours of his day whining like you wouldn't believe.

    My partner is going to work in an hour.

    So yeah. Today's starting strong.

    #Dadstodon #UKParent

  56. I didn't want a repeat of last weekend, so I came into this one with the best of intentions. We're gonna go out, we're gonna have fun, weather be damned.

    It's 8am. I spent last night on the floor on my daughter's room. I'm absolutely gassed already.

    My two year old has spent the first two hours of his day whining like you wouldn't believe.

    My partner is going to work in an hour.

    So yeah. Today's starting strong.

    #Dadstodon #UKParent