#selfacceptance — Public Fediverse posts

DATE: August 12, 2026 at 06:00AM
SOURCE: PSYPOST.ORG

** Research quality varies widely from fantastic to small exploratory studies. Please check research methods when conclusions are very important to you. **
-------------------------------------------------

TITLE: Scientists identify 19 core dimensions of positive mental health in new consensus study

URL: https://www.psypost.org/scientists-identify-19-core-dimensions-of-positive-mental-health-in-new-consensus-study/

A recent study published in Nature Mental Health identifies a core set of elements that make up positive mental health, offering a standardized framework to define what it means to truly be well. By consulting experts across multiple disciplines, the research outlines nineteen specific dimensions, ranging from life satisfaction to social connection. The findings provide a foundation for creating more consistent strategies to support and measure psychological well-being in communities and workplaces.

Positive mental health encompasses more than just the absence of mental illness. It includes aspects of functioning effectively, feeling good, and connecting with others. High levels of mental well-being are associated with better recovery from stressful events, lower risks of chronic disease, and widespread benefits for society.

Despite its broad relevance, the exact definition of positive mental health varies widely depending on the field of study. Psychologists, public health officials, economists, and sociologists often use different terms and models to describe similar ideas, such as flourishing, thriving, or coping.

This lack of a shared vocabulary causes fragmentation in research and policy. When different organizations use completely different standards to define well-being, comparing research data or evaluating the success of public policies becomes incredibly difficult.

“Put very simply, there is very little agreement on what we mean when we say mental wellbeing, flourishing, positive mental health, or related terms,” said Matthew Iasiello, head of data and research translation at Be Well Co and postdoctoral research fellow at Adelaide University’s School of Biomedical Science. “These terms can all be used interchangeably, and each discipline defines them slightly differently, meaning that measures often focus on different things and evidence is hard to synthesize. This leads to confusion in the academic world, which also trickles into the ‘real world’ with governments and funders guessing about what to measure and where to invest.”

To address this inconsistency, researchers set out to establish a unified list of components that constitute positive mental health. Building a shared framework helps ensure that professionals across all sectors are aiming for the same targets when designing mental health interventions.

The researchers used a technique known as the Delphi method, which involves surveying a group of experts over multiple rounds to reach a consensus on a specific topic. The study recruited 122 prominent academics from 26 countries, representing 11 different disciplines. These fields included clinical psychology, psychiatry, public health, philosophy, nursing, and economics.

The experts had an average age of about 53 years and an average of nearly twenty years of experience in their respective fields. About 84 percent of the participants identified as Caucasian or European, and a majority resided in Western nations such as the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia. The response rate for the survey was approximately 10 percent of the invited academics, though the participating experts were highly cited in their disciplines.

In the first round of the survey, participants evaluated 26 potential dimensions of positive mental health drawn from previous scientific reviews. The experts rated each dimension on a four-point scale from irrelevant to essential. To be included in the final framework, a dimension needed to reach at least 75 percent agreement among the experts. Participants also had the opportunity to suggest additional components in open-text boxes.

In the second round, the experts reviewed the newly suggested dimensions and re-evaluated the items that had not yet reached a consensus. In the third and final round, the participants rated the approved dimensions to determine if they were primarily drivers that cause positive mental health or outcomes that result from it. They used a visual scale from zero to 100, where zero indicated a driver and 100 indicated an outcome.

The panel reached a consensus on nineteen distinct dimensions that constitute positive mental health. Six of these components achieved greater than 90 percent agreement for inclusion. These highest-rated components included meaning and purpose, life satisfaction, self-acceptance, connection with others, autonomy, and happiness.

Iasiello noted that the average person should understand “that positive mental health is broad. It’s more than feeling happy and more than simply not being unwell.” He added, “When we asked a large, cross-disciplinary panel of experts to agree, six dimensions stood out as near-universal: meaning and purpose, life satisfaction, self-acceptance, connection, autonomy and happiness. So if you want a fuller picture of how someone is doing, those are good places to look.”

Other dimensions that made the final list of nineteen included optimism, competence, engagement, calmness, vitality, and a sense of belonging. Rounding out the accepted framework were acceptance, achievement, activities and functioning, development, fun, self-congruence, and a sense of safety. The panel also agreed to exclude certain concepts altogether. For instance, avoidance coping, which involves attempting to ignore stressors, achieved only about 20 percent agreement and was excluded.

The experts debated the boundary between psychological and physical elements of well-being. Factors like physical health achieved only 62.8 percent agreement, and personal circumstances achieved only 62.5 percent agreement, meaning both failed to reach the 75 percent threshold for inclusion. This indicates a tendency among the experts to classify these physical and environmental factors as outside influences rather than core parts of mental well-being itself.

When categorizing the finalized components on the zero to 100 scale, the panel rated happiness and life satisfaction primarily as outcomes of positive mental health, with scores averaging near 74 and 72, respectively. On the other hand, elements like autonomy and a sense of safety were considered primarily as drivers that help produce well-being, scoring around 29 and 32 on the scale.

Differentiating these variables proved to be a challenging task. “Probably how difficult it was for our panel to separate ‘outcomes’ or ‘drivers’ of positive mental health,” Iasiello told PsyPost, regarding what surprised the research team. “The surprising finding was that most of the 19 included dimensions could be seen as both an outcome or a driver, depending on the research question or population. This points to the complexity of the topic!”

The feedback from the participants helped shape a new working definition of positive mental health. The updated definition emphasizes that positive mental health is a subjective experience of functioning well and feeling content. It also specifically notes that a person can experience positive mental health and take action to improve it even while managing a mental health condition.

This proposed taxonomy represents a starting point for standardizing the field, but it possesses built-in limitations. “The main misinterpretation is thinking that this work is a finished product,” Iasiello said. “This shared taxonomy aims to be a starting point towards reaching greater consistency in the field. Our panel was highly expert but heavily Western and English-speaking, so the taxonomy almost certainly carries a Western view of well-being, and concepts like the Japanese idea of ikigai may not sit neatly inside it.”

Concepts like ikigai, which broadly translates to a reason for being or a sense of purpose in everyday living, highlight how different cultures prioritize unique psychological traits. A panel consisting predominantly of academics from industrialized, English-speaking nations might overlook elements of well-being that emphasize communal harmony or spiritual connection.

The boundaries between the causes of mental health and the outcomes of mental health also remain highly complex. A factor like social connection can serve as a driver of well-being on one day and an outcome of a positive mood on the next. The dynamic interactions between these variables suggest that any standardized list will struggle to capture the fluid nature of human psychology in everyday life.

To address these gaps, the researchers have several goals for subsequent studies. “First, test the taxonomy well beyond a Western panel, and deliberately include non-Western concepts and the lived experience of groups often left out, such as people managing chronic illness,” Iasiello said. “Second, work out the structure, which dimensions act as drivers, which are outcomes, and how they nest together, rather than leaving them as a flat list.”

“Third, map positive mental health against mental illness, since the two aren’t just opposite ends of one line,” Iasiello continued. He also emphasized a desire for practical applications moving forward. “Alongside that, we want the science to reach real communities through partnerships between universities, councils, businesses, NGOs, and practitioners, so it gets tested where people actually live and work.”

The study, “A Delphi consensus study on the dimensions of positive mental health,” was authored by M. Iasiello, J. van Agteren, K. Ali, E. Kolovos, P. J. Batterham, F. Goodman, A. Jarden, T. B. Kashdan, M. Kyrios, L. G. Oades, D. Weziak-Bialowolska, and D. B. Fassnacht.

Below is the complete list of the components and their meanings as outlined in the study:

The Top Six Dimensions (Greater than 90% Agreement)

• Meaning and purpose: Having clear goals, a sense of direction, and a larger aim in life and/or the feeling that what we do is worthwhile, rewarding, and valuable.
•

• Life satisfaction: The degree to which a person positively evaluates the overall quality of their life as a whole (i.e., how much the person likes the life they lead).
•

• Self-acceptance: Experiencing different aspects of oneself (e.g., one’s body, personality, thoughts, and feelings) in a positive, tolerant, receptive, or non-judgmental way; experiencing positive self-worth.
•

• Connection: Involving a feeling of belonging, mutual caring, love, and closeness to friends, family, and loved ones.
•

• Autonomy: The perception that we have ownership over our behavior and choices, and the ability to express oneself.
•

• Happiness: States that are characterized by moderate-arousal pleasant feelings, such as feeling happy, cheerful, and pleased.
•

The Remaining 13 Dimensions

• Acceptance: The ability to self-reflect, identify what is within a person’s control, and accept what is outside one’s control.
•

• Achievement: Having done something successfully, using one’s own efforts and skills.
•

• Activities and functioning: Overall satisfaction with our activities and leisure, and our ability to undertake these tasks.
•

• Belonging: The feeling of deep connection with social groups, physical places, and individual and collective experiences.
•

• Calmness: States characterized by low-arousal pleasant feelings, like serenity and peacefulness.
•

• Competence: Feeling and perceiving oneself as effective and able to overcome challenges and stressors, and achieve desired outcomes.
•

• Development: Experiencing growth and improvement.
•

• Engagement: Having an absorbing experience in which the individual is completely focused on the task at hand or experiencing a state of mindful awareness.
•

• Fun: Experiencing light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; entertainment.
•

• Optimism: Having a positive outlook on life, and positive expectations about the future.
•

• Self-congruence: The perception that our actions and behaviors are compatible with our interests, values, and beliefs.
•

• Sense of safety: The feeling of relative security in one’s daily life.
•

• Vitality: States characterized by high-arousal pleasant feelings, such as feeling energetic and lively.
•

URL: https://www.psypost.org/scientists-identify-19-core-dimensions-of-positive-mental-health-in-new-consensus-study/

-------------------------------------------------

Private, vetted email list for mental health professionals: https://www.clinicians-exchange.org

Unofficial Psychology Today Xitter to toot feed at Psych Today Unofficial Bot @PTUnofficialBot

-------------------------------------------------

#psychology #counseling #socialwork #psychotherapy @psychotherapist @psychotherapists @psychology @socialpsych @socialwork @psychiatry #mentalhealth #psychiatry #healthcare #depression #psychotherapist #PositiveMentalHealth #MentalWellbeing #DelphiConsensus #MeaningAndPurpose #LifeSatisfaction #SelfAcceptance #Connection #Autonomy #Happiness #WellbeingFramework

DATE: August 12, 2026 at 06:00AM
SOURCE: PSYPOST.ORG

** Research quality varies widely from fantastic to small exploratory studies. Please check research methods when conclusions are very important to you. **
-------------------------------------------------

TITLE: Scientists identify 19 core dimensions of positive mental health in new consensus study

URL: https://www.psypost.org/scientists-identify-19-core-dimensions-of-positive-mental-health-in-new-consensus-study/

A recent study published in Nature Mental Health identifies a core set of elements that make up positive mental health, offering a standardized framework to define what it means to truly be well. By consulting experts across multiple disciplines, the research outlines nineteen specific dimensions, ranging from life satisfaction to social connection. The findings provide a foundation for creating more consistent strategies to support and measure psychological well-being in communities and workplaces.

Positive mental health encompasses more than just the absence of mental illness. It includes aspects of functioning effectively, feeling good, and connecting with others. High levels of mental well-being are associated with better recovery from stressful events, lower risks of chronic disease, and widespread benefits for society.

Despite its broad relevance, the exact definition of positive mental health varies widely depending on the field of study. Psychologists, public health officials, economists, and sociologists often use different terms and models to describe similar ideas, such as flourishing, thriving, or coping.

This lack of a shared vocabulary causes fragmentation in research and policy. When different organizations use completely different standards to define well-being, comparing research data or evaluating the success of public policies becomes incredibly difficult.

“Put very simply, there is very little agreement on what we mean when we say mental wellbeing, flourishing, positive mental health, or related terms,” said Matthew Iasiello, head of data and research translation at Be Well Co and postdoctoral research fellow at Adelaide University’s School of Biomedical Science. “These terms can all be used interchangeably, and each discipline defines them slightly differently, meaning that measures often focus on different things and evidence is hard to synthesize. This leads to confusion in the academic world, which also trickles into the ‘real world’ with governments and funders guessing about what to measure and where to invest.”

To address this inconsistency, researchers set out to establish a unified list of components that constitute positive mental health. Building a shared framework helps ensure that professionals across all sectors are aiming for the same targets when designing mental health interventions.

The researchers used a technique known as the Delphi method, which involves surveying a group of experts over multiple rounds to reach a consensus on a specific topic. The study recruited 122 prominent academics from 26 countries, representing 11 different disciplines. These fields included clinical psychology, psychiatry, public health, philosophy, nursing, and economics.

The experts had an average age of about 53 years and an average of nearly twenty years of experience in their respective fields. About 84 percent of the participants identified as Caucasian or European, and a majority resided in Western nations such as the United States, the United Kingdom, and Australia. The response rate for the survey was approximately 10 percent of the invited academics, though the participating experts were highly cited in their disciplines.

In the first round of the survey, participants evaluated 26 potential dimensions of positive mental health drawn from previous scientific reviews. The experts rated each dimension on a four-point scale from irrelevant to essential. To be included in the final framework, a dimension needed to reach at least 75 percent agreement among the experts. Participants also had the opportunity to suggest additional components in open-text boxes.

In the second round, the experts reviewed the newly suggested dimensions and re-evaluated the items that had not yet reached a consensus. In the third and final round, the participants rated the approved dimensions to determine if they were primarily drivers that cause positive mental health or outcomes that result from it. They used a visual scale from zero to 100, where zero indicated a driver and 100 indicated an outcome.

The panel reached a consensus on nineteen distinct dimensions that constitute positive mental health. Six of these components achieved greater than 90 percent agreement for inclusion. These highest-rated components included meaning and purpose, life satisfaction, self-acceptance, connection with others, autonomy, and happiness.

Iasiello noted that the average person should understand “that positive mental health is broad. It’s more than feeling happy and more than simply not being unwell.” He added, “When we asked a large, cross-disciplinary panel of experts to agree, six dimensions stood out as near-universal: meaning and purpose, life satisfaction, self-acceptance, connection, autonomy and happiness. So if you want a fuller picture of how someone is doing, those are good places to look.”

Other dimensions that made the final list of nineteen included optimism, competence, engagement, calmness, vitality, and a sense of belonging. Rounding out the accepted framework were acceptance, achievement, activities and functioning, development, fun, self-congruence, and a sense of safety. The panel also agreed to exclude certain concepts altogether. For instance, avoidance coping, which involves attempting to ignore stressors, achieved only about 20 percent agreement and was excluded.

The experts debated the boundary between psychological and physical elements of well-being. Factors like physical health achieved only 62.8 percent agreement, and personal circumstances achieved only 62.5 percent agreement, meaning both failed to reach the 75 percent threshold for inclusion. This indicates a tendency among the experts to classify these physical and environmental factors as outside influences rather than core parts of mental well-being itself.

When categorizing the finalized components on the zero to 100 scale, the panel rated happiness and life satisfaction primarily as outcomes of positive mental health, with scores averaging near 74 and 72, respectively. On the other hand, elements like autonomy and a sense of safety were considered primarily as drivers that help produce well-being, scoring around 29 and 32 on the scale.

Differentiating these variables proved to be a challenging task. “Probably how difficult it was for our panel to separate ‘outcomes’ or ‘drivers’ of positive mental health,” Iasiello told PsyPost, regarding what surprised the research team. “The surprising finding was that most of the 19 included dimensions could be seen as both an outcome or a driver, depending on the research question or population. This points to the complexity of the topic!”

The feedback from the participants helped shape a new working definition of positive mental health. The updated definition emphasizes that positive mental health is a subjective experience of functioning well and feeling content. It also specifically notes that a person can experience positive mental health and take action to improve it even while managing a mental health condition.

This proposed taxonomy represents a starting point for standardizing the field, but it possesses built-in limitations. “The main misinterpretation is thinking that this work is a finished product,” Iasiello said. “This shared taxonomy aims to be a starting point towards reaching greater consistency in the field. Our panel was highly expert but heavily Western and English-speaking, so the taxonomy almost certainly carries a Western view of well-being, and concepts like the Japanese idea of ikigai may not sit neatly inside it.”

Concepts like ikigai, which broadly translates to a reason for being or a sense of purpose in everyday living, highlight how different cultures prioritize unique psychological traits. A panel consisting predominantly of academics from industrialized, English-speaking nations might overlook elements of well-being that emphasize communal harmony or spiritual connection.

The boundaries between the causes of mental health and the outcomes of mental health also remain highly complex. A factor like social connection can serve as a driver of well-being on one day and an outcome of a positive mood on the next. The dynamic interactions between these variables suggest that any standardized list will struggle to capture the fluid nature of human psychology in everyday life.

To address these gaps, the researchers have several goals for subsequent studies. “First, test the taxonomy well beyond a Western panel, and deliberately include non-Western concepts and the lived experience of groups often left out, such as people managing chronic illness,” Iasiello said. “Second, work out the structure, which dimensions act as drivers, which are outcomes, and how they nest together, rather than leaving them as a flat list.”

“Third, map positive mental health against mental illness, since the two aren’t just opposite ends of one line,” Iasiello continued. He also emphasized a desire for practical applications moving forward. “Alongside that, we want the science to reach real communities through partnerships between universities, councils, businesses, NGOs, and practitioners, so it gets tested where people actually live and work.”

The study, “A Delphi consensus study on the dimensions of positive mental health,” was authored by M. Iasiello, J. van Agteren, K. Ali, E. Kolovos, P. J. Batterham, F. Goodman, A. Jarden, T. B. Kashdan, M. Kyrios, L. G. Oades, D. Weziak-Bialowolska, and D. B. Fassnacht.

Below is the complete list of the components and their meanings as outlined in the study:

The Top Six Dimensions (Greater than 90% Agreement)

• Meaning and purpose: Having clear goals, a sense of direction, and a larger aim in life and/or the feeling that what we do is worthwhile, rewarding, and valuable.
•

• Life satisfaction: The degree to which a person positively evaluates the overall quality of their life as a whole (i.e., how much the person likes the life they lead).
•

• Self-acceptance: Experiencing different aspects of oneself (e.g., one’s body, personality, thoughts, and feelings) in a positive, tolerant, receptive, or non-judgmental way; experiencing positive self-worth.
•

• Connection: Involving a feeling of belonging, mutual caring, love, and closeness to friends, family, and loved ones.
•

• Autonomy: The perception that we have ownership over our behavior and choices, and the ability to express oneself.
•

• Happiness: States that are characterized by moderate-arousal pleasant feelings, such as feeling happy, cheerful, and pleased.
•

The Remaining 13 Dimensions

• Acceptance: The ability to self-reflect, identify what is within a person’s control, and accept what is outside one’s control.
•

• Achievement: Having done something successfully, using one’s own efforts and skills.
•

• Activities and functioning: Overall satisfaction with our activities and leisure, and our ability to undertake these tasks.
•

• Belonging: The feeling of deep connection with social groups, physical places, and individual and collective experiences.
•

• Calmness: States characterized by low-arousal pleasant feelings, like serenity and peacefulness.
•

• Competence: Feeling and perceiving oneself as effective and able to overcome challenges and stressors, and achieve desired outcomes.
•

• Development: Experiencing growth and improvement.
•

• Engagement: Having an absorbing experience in which the individual is completely focused on the task at hand or experiencing a state of mindful awareness.
•

• Fun: Experiencing light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; entertainment.
•

• Optimism: Having a positive outlook on life, and positive expectations about the future.
•

• Self-congruence: The perception that our actions and behaviors are compatible with our interests, values, and beliefs.
•

• Sense of safety: The feeling of relative security in one’s daily life.
•

• Vitality: States characterized by high-arousal pleasant feelings, such as feeling energetic and lively.
•

URL: https://www.psypost.org/scientists-identify-19-core-dimensions-of-positive-mental-health-in-new-consensus-study/

-------------------------------------------------

Private, vetted email list for mental health professionals: https://www.clinicians-exchange.org

Unofficial Psychology Today Xitter to toot feed at Psych Today Unofficial Bot @PTUnofficialBot

-------------------------------------------------

#psychology #counseling #socialwork #psychotherapy @psychotherapist @psychotherapists @psychology @socialpsych @socialwork @psychiatry #mentalhealth #psychiatry #healthcare #depression #psychotherapist #PositiveMentalHealth #MentalWellbeing #DelphiConsensus #MeaningAndPurpose #LifeSatisfaction #SelfAcceptance #Connection #Autonomy #Happiness #WellbeingFramework

Oh yes indeed, so when you're criticising yourself unnecessarily, stop & mentally give yourself a loving hug because we're only human & no one has ever been perfect 🙏🫂

#wellbeing #freedom #lovinglife #happy #love #mentalhealth #kindness #selfacceptance #selfworth #human #onlyhuman

Oh yes indeed, so when you're criticising yourself unnecessarily, stop & mentally give yourself a loving hug because we're only human & no one has ever been perfect 🙏🫂

#wellbeing #freedom #lovinglife #happy #love #mentalhealth #kindness #selfacceptance #selfworth #human #onlyhuman

✮ To That Potted Plant ✮

Subscribe to keep reading

Become a paid subscriber to get access to the rest of this post and other exclusive content.

Finding Your Worth & Belonging: Autistic Self-Acceptance #Autism #SelfAcceptance self-worth

Finding… https://ift.tt/EOU0wek

When I was growing up, I met my mother's friend from college, Jude, who was a good friend of the family. When she passed away in 2021, I was sad, but more out of sympathy for my mom.

She was a wonderful woman who struggled with her body shape and self image but I never knew this growing up. It wasn't until today after reading her graphic autobiography that I realized how spectacular and brave she really was.

Highly recommend her book "Fat Free: Amazing All-True Adventures of Supersize Woman". My mom makes a small appearance during her college years.

I was happy to know you Jude and hope you're at peace in the Great Beyond.

https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=23132395

#books #GraphicNovel #SelfAcceptance

When I was growing up, I met my mother's friend from college, Jude, who was a good friend of the family. When she passed away in 2021, I was sad, but more out of sympathy for my mom.

She was a wonderful woman who struggled with her body shape and self image but I never knew this growing up. It wasn't until today after reading her graphic autobiography that I realized how spectacular and brave she really was.

Highly recommend her book "Fat Free: Amazing All-True Adventures of Supersize Woman". My mom makes a small appearance during her college years.

I was happy to know you Jude and hope you're at peace in the Great Beyond.

https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=23132395

#books #GraphicNovel #SelfAcceptance

2Face
Learning to Accept the Two Versions of Myself

For years, I hid behind my hair. This is the story of learning to accept both versions of myself.

Link in reply.

Visual created with AI.

#SelfAcceptance #Identity #PersonalGrowth #Writing

2Face
Learning to Accept the Two Versions of Myself

For years, I hid behind my hair. This is the story of learning to accept both versions of myself.

Link 👇

https://medium.com/@dianabasieseme_60028/2face-66532b6dea6c?sk=7d5b2ad5984626842832c901f96abb26

Visual created with AI.

#SelfAcceptance #Identity #PersonalGrowth #Writing

✮ Accidental Teachers ✮

Subscribe to keep reading

Become a paid subscriber to get access to the rest of this post and other exclusive content.

https://www.alojapan.com/1513592/life-lessons-japanese-mindset-of-the-day-wabi-sabi-why-embracing-imperfections-can-lead-to-greater-peace-happiness-and-self-acceptance/ life lessons: Japanese Mindset of the Day: “Wabi-sabi” — Why embracing imperfections can lead to greater peace, happiness and self-acceptance #appreciation #happiness #imperfections #Japan #JapanNews #Japanese #JapaneseNews #JapanesePhilosophy #LifeLessons #Mindfulness #news #PersonalGrowth #SelfAcceptance #WabiSabi #WellBeing Japanese Mindset of the Day: The Japanese concept of wabi-sabi represents a unique way of viewing life through accept

✮ A Semblance of Life ✮

Subscribe to keep reading

Become a paid subscriber to get access to the rest of this post and other exclusive content.

Self-esteem vs. Self-acceptance

Albert Ellis once said, “Self-esteem is the highest sickness known to man or woman because it’s conditional.”

Unlike self-esteem, self-acceptance does not depend on success, failure or comparison. It means accepting yourself as a worthwhile human being regardless of your achievements, mistakes or imperfections.

Read more at:
https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/magazines/panache/quote-of-the-day-by-albert-ellis-self-esteem-is-the-highest-sickness-known-to-man-or-woman-because-its-conditional-what-the-famous-american-psychotherapist-teaches-about-the-hidden-danger-of-self-esteem/articleshow/132066859.cms?utm_source=contentofinterest&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=cppst

✮ Color of the Bone ✮

Subscribe to keep reading

Become a paid subscriber to get access to the rest of this post and other exclusive content.

Jack the Woodchuck-er-butterfly! #PrideMonth #LoveIsLove #LoveWins #SelfAcceptance #art #cartoon

Jack the Woodchuck-er-butterfly! #PrideMonth #LoveIsLove #LoveWins #SelfAcceptance #art #cartoon

A quotation from Audre Lorde

Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me.

Audre Lorde (1934-1992) American writer, feminist, civil rights activist
Essay (1983-10), “Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred, and Anger,” Essence Magazine, Vol. 14, No. 6

More about this quote: wist.info/lorde-audre/49145/

#quote #quotes #quotation #qotd #audrelorde #acceptance #defense #guilt #history #leverage #self #selfacceptance #selfdefense #selfimage #shame #vulnerability #weakness #weapon

A quotation from Audre Lorde

Nothing I accept about myself can be used against me to diminish me.

Audre Lorde (1934-1992) American writer, feminist, civil rights activist
Essay (1983-10), “Eye to Eye: Black Women, Hatred, and Anger,” Essence Magazine, Vol. 14, No. 6

More about this quote: wist.info/lorde-audre/49145/

#quote #quotes #quotation #qotd #audrelorde #acceptance #defense #guilt #history #leverage #self #selfacceptance #selfdefense #selfimage #shame #vulnerability #weakness #weapon

"'Hope' is the thing with feathers That perches in the soul And sings the tune without the words And never stops at all..."

- Emily Dickenson

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

- A. A. Milne

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

FROZEN - Fuck It All (PARODY COVER)

https://u2be.ovh/w/deRcbGAqW5zamg6ku1feNE

Parody of the Disney Frozen song "Let It Go": Fuck It All, by Julia Koep.

#Disney #Frozen #LetItGo #Soundtrack #Pop #2010s #SelfAcceptance #SingAlong #Iconic

FROZEN - Fuck It All (PARODY COVER) by @drunkenschokomuffin

https://u2be.ovh/w/deRcbGAqW5zamg6ku1feNE?start=0s&autoplay=1

Parody of the ]Disney Frozen song "Let It Go"](https://u2be.ovh/w/1YvM5ckPv3XhyBtGZtwBHg?autoplay=1): Fuck It All, by Julia Koep.

#Disney #Frozen #LetItGo #Soundtrack #Pop #2010s #SelfAcceptance #SingAlong #Iconic

@mario_desu

I like this version better!!

https://u2be.ovh/w/deRcbGAqW5zamg6ku1feNE

Parody of the Disney Frozen song "Let It Go": Fuck It All, by Julia Koep.

#Disney #Frozen #LetItGo #Soundtrack #Pop #2010s #SelfAcceptance #SingAlong #Iconic

"You can't go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending."

- C. S. Lewis

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

"And the dandelion does not stop growing because it is told it is a weed, it does not care what others see. It says 'One day, they'll be making wishes upon me."

- B. Atkinson

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

"And the dandelion does not stop growing because it is told it is a weed, it does not care what others see. It says 'One day, they'll be making wishes upon me."

- B. Atkinson

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

#FabuFriday… Some days, being reasonably functional is the achievement…

#OrdinaryAndEnough #SelfAcceptance #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWisdom #ThrivingAuthentically

Read On:
https://tinyurl.com/GloriousAverage

@zponderings

https://linktr.ee/ChangeAndThrivalHood = Change and ThrivalHood
https://pegaphinz.com = Byte Wise Thriving

Sometimes a meaningful life is built on ordinary moments and average lives.

#OrdinaryAndEnough #SelfAcceptance #PersonalGrowth #EmotionalWisdom #ThrivingAuthentically

Read On:
https://tinyurl.com/GloriousAverage

@zponderings

https://linktr.ee/ChangeAndThrivalHood = Change and ThrivalHood
https://pegaphinz.com = Byte Wise Thriving

"Optimism is the one quality more associated with success and happiness than any other."

- Brian Tracy

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. This Chinese proverb hits different when you sit with it. 💭
#quotes #ChineseProverb #Authenticity #InnerPeace #SelfAcceptance
https://quotes.thisgrandpablogs.com/tension-relaxation-chinese-proverb/

"Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience."

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

I would know, I have to live with me.

#selfacceptance #comic #funny

"Everything in nature invites us constantly to be what we are."

- Gretel Ehrlich

#motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

We leave this world eventually. So love loudly, parent with purpose, chase the sunrise, and never amputate the parts of yourself that make you human. 🌒🔥 M3imagination.com

#LifeTruth #SelfAcceptance #LiveFully #MentalStrength #HumanNature #ParentingWisdom #DeepThoughts #GrowthMindset #AuthenticSelf #MementoMori

"When you bring your attention to a stone, a tree or an animal... the same stillness rises within you"

- Eckhart Tolle

#nature #stillness #motivation #selflove #love #selfrespect #esteem #resilience #recovery #believeinyourself #selfacceptance #selfappreciation #selfassessment #selfconfidence #dream

Nature therapy, also called ecotherapy, is the practice of being in nature to boost growth and healing, especially mental health.

Self-respect

To live without self-respect is to lie awake some night, beyond the reach of warm milk, phenobarbital, and the sleeping hand on the coverlet, counting up the sins of commission and omission, the trusts betrayed, the promises subtly broken, the gifts irrevocably wasted through sloth or cowardice or carelessness. However long we postpone it, we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously uncomfortable bed, the one we make ourselves. Whether or not we sleep in it depends, of course, on whether or not we respect ourselves.

~ Joan Didion

slip:4a975.

Self-doubt

You know what the best thing about being an entrepreneur is? That you never have to experience self-doubt, the way people with normal day jobs do.

Ha. I was just kidding. Actually, as an entrepreneur, you have self-doubt coming out of your pores like cold sweat. And that’s on a good day.

~ Hugh MacLeod

slip:4a962.

If you change

You have two options. You can stay the same and protect the formula that gave you your initial success. They’re going to crucify you for staying the same. If you change, they’re going to crucify you for changing. But staying the same is boring. And change is interesting. So of the two options, I’d rather be crucified for changing.

~ Joni Mithcell

slip:4a921.

Excellence

Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.

~ Sun Tzu

slip:4a745.

Supreme excellence

Supreme excellence consists of breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.

~ Sun Tzu

slip:4a745.

First thought: What if the enemy is myself? Surely, Sun Tzu would consul alternative options which do not involve full frontal attack. Because telling my petulant self that it has to sit down and “Eat. Just. One. Pea!” …that’s not going to work. (Actually, hold on, maybe if I try frontal assault one more time… nope, that really does not work.)

How does one break one’s own resistance? Can I ruminate on goals, or the “whys”? (e.g., “Why did I say I wanted to do this thing you’re now resisting?”) Can I examine, and then let go of, sunk costs? Can I visualize the finished place, state, or situation?

If I could do any of that, would I have then solved the bigger problem: Why am I [in point of fact] my own worst enemy?

ɕ

Attitude and assessment

It seems likely that Jack Sparrow’s admonishment about attitude is an echo of Aurelius’s reminder to himself two thousand years earlier. This idea that the attitude and assessment is most important has really helped me relax. Things will never be done, and I create all of my problems. I’ve come to understand that concrete goals and clear progress are detrimental to my health. They’re necessary, yes, but detrimental. The more goals I set, the more clear progress I can measure, the worse off I become; Mentally and physically those things grind me down.

Since they’re necessary—without them, it seems I’d simply devolve to being a blob on a sofa—I must have something in my life which counters the damage so that I can continue setting some sane number of goals and measuring some concrete progress. One of those things is practicing my attitude and assessment. I set aside time for this each morning. It’s not meant to take long. 15 minutes is really long enough. I read through a prompt from a set that I’ve created for myself. I read through a selection from some key books. I write in my journal, usually copying a single new quote from my collection as the beginning of the journal entry. I write some thoughts. I write some observations from the previous day.

Unfortunately, just about every morning, my urge—affliction? addiction?—to measure and create goals creeps into my morning reflection. Why am I taking all this time? (I’m up to something like 4,000 hand-written pages of journals!) Am I getting benefit from all this reflection? What’s the optimum “dosage” of reflection which yields the most benefit? How do I even measure the benefit? Is that page—that one I just wrote, an instant before these questions pop into my mind—worth writing? If I read that page in a year, will it in any way help me? Is the entry for today long enough? Should it have more “here’s what I did yesterday,” type stuff, or less? Maybe I should be also making a small note on my mood, or how I feel physically? Maybe I should… Oh, crap.

Close the journal, and go on with today!

ɕ

I am not my work

“I am not my work,” is one of those aphorisms that I need to have etched into my cornea. Have you seen watermarks on images? I need this phrase watermarked directly onto my vision.

Long ago–if memory serves–I was motivated by extrinsics. Doing something well resulted in external confirmation; so generating that external confirmation was easy for me. But–as everyone knows–it’s a vicious cycle of saccharine sweetness. Eventually, that lesson was learned. The obviously better option is to be intrinsically motivated. Check. Got it.

Unfortunately for me, there’s another onion-skin layer to peal away below, “be intrinsically motivated,” which is to not take criticism of work done as criticism of myself. The immediate hack is that I’ve inserted a mandatory, “thank you,” in response to criticism. This doesn’t fix the problem of identifying myself with my work. But it does buy me a few moments. By the time I’ve said thank you and acknowledged the critic, it’s become possible to see the criticism as being ‘of the work.’ Crucial moments indeed.

ɕ

Our deepest fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?

~ Marianne Williamson

slip:4a544.

§21 – It’s all about love

For me, what defines a human being is the combination of our intellect, our self-awareness, and our mortality. Developing the first two, and in particular becoming comfortable with the third takes a lot of time. It’s clear to me that there are seasons to our human lives. The best description I’ve heard is that of four seasons: roots, fire, water and air, corresponding to beginning, actively carving one’s path, learning acceptance and understanding, and finally wisdom. (This is obviously a variation of the four, classical elements.)

Frequently over the past year I’ve found myself thinking about the transition from the season of water to the season of air. What would the season of air feel like if I experienced glimpses of it from the season of water?

I believe I have an answer: Understanding self-love.

To come to grips with one’s own mortality requires a deep apprehension of the temporary state of our existence, and I now believe understanding self-love is the doorway to the age of air.

ɕ

Missed it and that’s ok

Yesterday, there was no post here on the ol’ blog, and yesterday I was ok with that. This is a big deal for me.

I’m obsessive about sticking with systems, and of course I have a system to my mornings which involves setting aside time to write. Yesterday, some other important things came up and I felt my time was better spent elsewhere. After all, “write a post every day” is not a pillar of my self-identity. (“I am someone who blogs,” is a pillar.)

Previously—by which I mean, on any day I can recall, before yesterday—I would have been all over myself, all day about not having had a blog post. I probably would have listed “no blog posts” among the nightly reasons I review while falling asleep as to why the day was a failure.

But somehow, yesterday, there was simply no blog post.

Today you might argue that I’m cheating because I’m writing about writing. But I am writing. Most importantly, I’m writing abot what’s on my mind.

So, what other routines might I be clinging to for no good reason?

ɕ

Be kind to yourself

I just finished listening to an interview with Stephane Vigroux (see, 1, 2, 3, and 4) and one of his take-aways—the point he ended with actually—was that your parkour practice should make you happy. If I may unpack a bit: That you should be kind to yourself.

Stephane teaches a drill which has many variations, but is roughly to spend 30 minutes balancing on a rail. One finds something reasonable to balance on, like a simple railing or a low bar, where falling off has no consequences and where it’s easy to re-mount. When balancing, simply stand as still as you can. Switch legs and positions as you need to, but mostly, simply stand still and balance. If you fall off, simply get back on, and be kind to yourself for the duration.

Go do this drill. Seriously. If you cannot balance on a railing, scale the challenge down to fit your ability; Find a narrow wall, a curb, something the size of a shoebox, a bench—whatever, and alternate balancing on one foot at a time.

I’ve had the chance to train with Stephane a few times. Once, in Évry France (right in front of the Cathedral) a large group was being led by Williams Belle through a long sequence of ground movements. I had arrived at the event from another week-long event, in the middle of a summer after I had recently given up a year-long physical challenge that had my left shoulder with an aching weakness. It was only mid-morning and I was grinding my way through the physical training. There was a tremendous group spirit of support and encouragement, with everyone—absolutely everyone being pushed to their own personal limits. There was shouting and cheering and a good bit of laughing.

I could have continued. It’s possible that every other time I had ever done physical training I did continue. I had struggled through the, “this hurts I want to quit,” rationalization much earlier that morning. But for some reason, at some random moment, I stood up and walked off to the side where I sat down on an outdoor chair in the shade. At that moment, it felt right to choose to be kind to myself rather than persevere.

After a few minutes, Stephane also stopped, walked over, sat down in a neighboring chair, and asked how I was doing. It wasn’t an, “are you injured, why have you stopped?” visit. Just a friend dropping by to see how I was feeling.

ɕ

Incessant

I’m on a streak about my problems and weaknesses, and today I have another one: Incessant, incremental improvement. I need to learn that sometimes it’s best to leave well-enough alone. My drive for continuous improvement causes me problems in two ways.

First, not every conceived improvement turns out to be so in the end. It’s more like a random walk experiment; One step forward, one step forward, one step forward, two steps back! The setbacks stick in my craw and I get fixated on the thing I was tinkering with. I had good enough, better, ok wow, awesome… and the setback to ‘better’ just feels unbearable. My favorite though is the setback to now it’s totally broken.

Second, I expend huge amounts of mental effort and time looking for incremental improvements. I can take this quest to batshit-crazy levels. Sometimes I manage to see or experience something and not start thinking of ways to change it. Sometimes. It’s rare. There’s no peace nor serenity when your mind is always ticking looking for improvements.

As usual, more questions and observations than answers today.

ɕ

Daily reminders

I learned then that even when I felt powerless to control my job or education — or anything else that seemed out of my hands — I always had control over my own mind and how I treated others. Even when I had nothing else, I could still be kind, just, generous, honest, loving and compassionate.

~ Susan Fowler

slip:4a1138.

I find that I’ve often committed myself to an unmanageable number of responsibilities. There are so many things I have the personal power to do, that I seem to be compelled to constantly deploy my power. Worse, I feel guilty if I’m not constantly applying my power towards some goal. I end up with a forest of goals and a feeling of being trapped. Shortly after feeling trapped, I find myself sinking into the pits of dispair on the shore of the lake of learned helplessness.

One habit I’ve built to try to keep myself entirely away from that lake is a collection of daily reminders. Ever the process maniac, I have them in my personal task management system in a rotation that brings one up each day. There are enough of them that even though they are in a fixed order I never know which is next. Each feels like a fresh reminder. They are collected from Ben Franklin, Leo Babauta and some other places I’ve neglected to keep track of.

They are:

1. AM I AN ENERGY-GIVER OR -TAKER? — Strive to lift others up; to leave them feeling better than before the encounter. While being mindful of my own energy level, seek ways to create a zest for life in others.
2. BECOME MINDFUL OF ATTACHMENTS THAT LEAD TO CLUTTER AND COMPLEXITY — For example, if you are attached to sentimental items, you won’t be able to let go of clutter. If you are attached to living a certain way, you will not be able to let go of a lot of stuff. If you are attached to doing a lot of activities and messaging everyone, your life will be complex.
3. TEMPERANCE — Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.
4. BE PROACTIVE — While the word proactivity is now fairly common in management literature, it is a word you won’t find in most dictionaries. It means more than meerly taking initiative. It means that as human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things happen. (Habit 1)
5. AM I LIKELY TO “ACT” OR “REACT” TO A TASK? — Seek the reason for the task so that it may motivate me to proper action. Otherwise, determine how to eliminate or avoid the task entirely. Do or do not; there is no try.
6. SILENCE — Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.
7. WHAT AM I DOING WHILE ON “THE BENCH?” — If there is somewhere I want to be, begin walking. Identify something which I can do now, or very soon, which is interesting. Remember that efficacy is active, not passive.
8. BEGIN WITH THE END IN MIND — Each part of your life can be examined in the context of the whole, of what really matters most to you. By keeping that end clearly in mind you can make certain that whatever you do on any particular day does not violate the criteria you have defined as supremely important, and that each day of your life contributes in a meaningful way to the vision you have to your life as a whole. (Habit 2)
9. DISTRACTION, BUSYNESS AND CONSTANT SWITCHING ARE MENTAL HABITS — We don’t need any of these habits, but they build up over the years because they comfort us. We can live more simply by letting go of these mental habits. What would life be like without constant switching, distraction and busyness?
10. ORDER — Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.
11. WHAT CAN I DO TO BE SO GOOD THEY CAN’T IGNORE ME? — Continuous improvement? A “big swing?” A simple but insightful solution? The path to “the best” is not obvious and likely does not directly through the most-obvious next thing.
12. PUT FIRST THINGS FIRST — The degree to which we have developed our independent will in our everyday lives is measured by our personal integrity. Integrity is, fundamentally, the value we place on ourselves. It’s our ability to take and keep commitments to ourselves, to “walk our talk.” It’s honor with self, a fundamental part of the Character Ethic, the essence of proactive growth. (Habit 3)
13. AM I AUTHENTIC OR OBSEQUIOUS? — Discerning the difference between obsequiousness and politeness can be difficult, but courtesy should be rooted in benevolence. Politeness should be the expression of a benevolent regard for the feelings of others; it’s a poor virtue if it’s motivated only by a fear of offending good taste. In its highest form Politeness approaches love.
14. SINGLE-TASK BY PUTTING YOUR LIFE IN FULL-SCREEN MODE — Imagine that everything you do — a work task, answering an email or message, washing a dish, reading an article — goes into full-screen mode, so that you don’t do or look at anything else. You just inhabit that task fully, and are fully present as you do it. What would your life be like? In my experience, it’s much less stressful when you work and live this way. Things get your full attention, and you do them much better. And you can even savor them.
15. RESOLUTION — Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.
16. THINK WIN/WIN — Most people tend to think in terms of dichotomies: strong or weak, hardball or softball, win or lose. But that kind of thinking is fundamentally flawed. It’s based on power and position rather than on principle. Win/Win is based on the paradigm that there is plenty for everybody, that one person’s success is not achieved at the expense or exclusion of the success of others. (Habit 4)
17. HOW DO I TREAT SOMEONE I DON’T KNOW? — Your character shows in how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
18. FRUGALITY — Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.
19. SEEK FIRST TO UNDERSTAND, THEN TO BE UNDERSTOOD — You’ve spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individual’s own frame of reference? (Habit 5)
20. CREATE SPACE BETWEEN THINGS — Add padding to everything. Do half of what you imagine you can do. We tend to cram as much as possible into our days. And this becomes stressful, because we always underestimate how long things will take, and we forget about maintenance tasks like putting on clothes and brushing teeth and preparing meals. We never feel like we have enough time because we try to do too much. But what would it be like if we did less? What would it be like if we padded how long things took, so that we have the space to actually do them well, with full attention? What would it be like if we took a few minutes’ pause between tasks, to savor the accomplishment of the last task, to savor the space between things, to savor being alive?
21. INDUSTRY — Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
22. SYNERGIZE — What is synergy? Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. It means that the relationship which the parts have to each other is a part in and of itself. It is not only a part, but the most catalytic, the most empowering, the most unifying, and the most exciting part. (Habit 6)
23. IS THERE AN ELEMENT OF STRUGGLE IN MY HISTORY? — This reminds me to be kind for everyone I meet is working through their own struggle. Through the experience of my own struggle I can better understand and emphathize with others on similar journeys. Furthermore, being reminded of my past struggles suggests perspective on my day-to-day general lack of struggle.
24. MY OATH — Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I shall make no excuses and hold no grudges. I care not where I came from, only where I am going. I don’t compare myself to others, only to myself from yesterday. I shall not brag about successes nor complain about my struggles, but share my experiences and help my fellows. I know I impact those around me with my actions, and so I must move forward, every day. I acknowledge fear, doubt, and despair, but I do not let them defeat me.
25. SINCERITY — Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
26. SHARPEN THE SAW — It’s preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have–you. It’s renewing the four dimensions of your nature: physical, spiritual, mental, and social/emotional. … “Sharpen the saw” basically means expressing all four motivations. It means exercising all four dimensions of our nature, regularly and consistently in wise and balanced ways. (Habit 7)
27. WHAT HAVE I BEEN READING? — I’ve performed this experiment countless times: Read little: nothing happens. Read more: ideas, new connections, inspiration, questions, motivation, short-cuts, wonder.
28. JUSTICE — Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
29. FIND JOY IN A FEW SIMPLE THINGS — For me, those include writing, reading/learning, walking and doing other active things, eating simple food, meditating, spending quality time with people I care about. Most of that doesn’t cost anything or require any possessions (especially if you use the library for books!). I’m not saying I have zero possessions, nor that I only do these few things. But to the extent that I remember the simple things I love doing, my life suddenly becomes simpler. When I remember, I can let go of everything else my mind has fixated on, and just find the simple joy of doing simple activities.
30. MODERATION — Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
31. WOULD I WANT TO GO ON A LONG CAR RIDE WITH ME? — Long car rides are a quintessential American experience. Along with the good however, comes the opportunity for bad. With others present the confined space, lack of privacy, and monotony of rolling vistas create a microcosm of life on a tiny stage. How I share that stage with the others in the car, and what specifically I do while on that stage tells all.
32. GET CLEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT, AND SAY NO TO MORE THINGS — We are rarely very clear on what we want. What if we became crystal clear on what we wanted in life? If we knew what we wanted to create, how we wanted to live … we could say yes to these things, and no to everything else. Saying no to more things would simplify our lives.
33. CLEANLINESS — Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation.
34. AM I SELF-AWARE? — The first step in my journey was realizing I was unhappy. This realization — detecting it, understanding it, believing it, surrendering to it, and finally owning it — was the first piece of bedrock on which I started building.
35. TRANQUILLITY — Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
36. PRACTICE DOING NOTHING, EXQUISITELY — No need to plan, no need to read, no need to watch something, no need to do a chore or eat while you do nothing. You will start to notice your brain’s habit of wanting to get something done. This exposes our mental habits, which is a good thing. Keep doing nothing. Sit for awhile, resisting the urge to do something. After some practice, you can get good at doing nothing, and this leads to the mental habit of contentment and gratitude.
37. CHASTITY — Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.
38. WHAT IS MY TALK-TO-LISTEN RATIO? — It’s better to listen to understand, rather than to, (for example,) listen to refute. Silence is fine provided one’s own thoughts are pleasant company. When speaking, think first about why you are about to say whatever it is you’re about to say.
39. WE CREATE OUR OWN STRUGGLES — All the stress, all the frustrations and disappointments, all the busyness and rushing … we create these with attachments in our heads. By letting go, we can relax and live more simply.
40. HUMILITY — Imitate Socrates.
41. FESTINA LENTE — Make haste, slowly. Or, unrestrained moderation. “The worker must be stronger than his project; loads larger than the bearer must necessarily crush him. Certain careers, moreover, are not so demanding in themselves as they are prolific in begetting a mass of other activities. Enterprises which give rise to new and multifarious activities should be avoided; you must not commit yourself to a task from which there is no free egress. Put your hand to one you can finish or at least hope to finish; leave alone those that expand as you work at them and do not stop where you intended they should.” ~ Seneca, On Tranquility [7]
42. LOOK BACK — Look back at some of the things you’ve accomplished or experienced and think: Well if that isn’t nice, I don’t know what is.
    “One never notices what has been done; One can only see what remains to be done.” ~ Marie Curie (4a585)

ɕ

slip:4b1 et al

Oct 2019: Added the seven habits of highly effective people from Stephen Covey’s book.
Jul 2020: Added, “what am I doing while on ‘the bench’?” and “what can I do to be so good they can’t ignore me?“
Oct 2020: Added, “festina lente“
Dec 2020: Added, “look back“
Jan 2021: Expanded this into a series of posts, Practicing Reflection.
Mar 2023: An updated list of the prompts is now posted at My Daily Reflection Prompts.

§9 – Twenty Minutes a Day

One of my favorite ideas from Charles Duhigg’s book, The Power of Habit, is the idea of a keystone habit. Keystone habits create a chain reaction; Changing and rearranging your other habits as you integrate the habit into your life. According to Duhigg, “keystone habits influence how we work, eat, play, live, spend, and communicate”, and they “start a process that, over time, transforms everything.”

After self-awareness and self-assessment, my 20 minutes of stretching and recovery work every morning is by far the single most important thing I’ve changed in my journey. (“Every morning” is the goal, not always the reality.) Initially, it was the one critical first little piece of success from which I launched a pile of awesome changes. It continues to be my reliable fallback position when things go off the rails.

Every time I get stuck, fail at sticking to a good habit, or make a mistake with diet, I repeat to myself: Start again tomorrow. Start again tomorrow with one small bit of success first thing in the morning, (and a cup of coffee.)

How my “20 minutes” works:

Declare 20 minutes of “me-time” first thing in the morning. Literally explain to others that you are creating space for yourself to start your day. It’s not leave-me-alone time. If there are others in your household, they are welcome to visit you and interact. You may find they occasionally join you.

Go straight there, as soon as you can. Ok, yes, make a bathroom stop and obtain your beverage of choice on your way to your morning session. But you do not need to arrive at your space awake and ready to exercise. You only need to get there. The stretching and moving will gradually wake you up. It will also wake up your mind; You’re going to have twenty minutes every morning to peacefully review your yesterday, plan your today, or even practice some mindfulness meditation. But only if you want! Your initial goal is to simply get to your space ASAP each morning.

Create (or designate) a space. This is really critical. It cannot be a place that you have to setup; It has to be a place that always exists, that you can simply stumble into first thing in the morning. Find a few square feet and make it your own. A light, a little clock, maybe some music setup ready to go, maybe a yoga mat. Having a physical space (as simple or as complex as you choose to make it) will help your mind shift automatically. “I do this sort of stuff in this space,” becomes automatic.

Music? For a long time, I was really into electronica-esque music for this. (Sometimes I still use the music.) I fanatically groomed a Pandora station with electronic music that has absolutely no vocals—but obviously use whatever works for your, including no music if you prefer. When I use music, I want it to help me zone in on what I’m doing and forget the world.

Props, mats, weights, etc. Start simple. As you go along, you’ll discover things—an article on the Internet, a yoga class, a friend’s ideas—and you’ll take in new moves, stretches and exercises as your own. I started without yoga blocks, then one day found a new stretch I wanted to be able to use when I felt I needed it, and bought two simple yoga blocks for the purpose. This way everything you have in your space, has a purpose rather than being something that nags you, “oh, I should be using that.”

Simply stretching and moving is your first activity. What does your body want to do first? Just learning to be able to answer that question honestly each morning is a great lesson. Then what does it need next? Move when you feel like it. Engage muscles when you feel like it. Engage your brain when you feel like it. Twenty minutes goes by in a blink.

Other tips, tricks and resources

Take some yoga classes. Find a Yin yoga class and spend a few months learning.

No. Right. Now. Oliver Emberton has a great article, How to Debug Your Brain. It’s funny and really exactly what’s wrong with our brains. Emberton’s idea of hijacking a “transition” led me to aim for “first thing in the morning.” I hijack the, “I just got out of bed” transition as many mornings as I can. My rationale is: I was literally just ignoring everything when I was unconscious, so I can continue ignoring everything for a little longer while I put me first.

Focus on what you can control. Iterate. Steve Kamb wrote an article talking about each Avenger’s super power, and Tony Stark’s power specifically, What’s Your Avengers Superpower. Stark is not actually a superhero. Stark simply knows the rule: you can’t edit a blank page, and you can’t improve a machine that hasn’t been built yet. Iterate.

When Life Sucks

Exercise Obstacle

How to Create Habits That Stick

How Lego and Minecraft Will Help You Get in Shape

ɕ

Time is slipping

Thank you for giving me a few moments of your time.

Every moment—well, minus the 1/3 of my life when I’m horizontal and unconscious—I have the power to exercise my free will to decide what to do with my time. Since you are on the Internet, you likely also have this power and freedom. (Many people do not.)

Which moments do I regret? The ones where my choices were not intentional. Moments where I was habitual. Moments where I was reactive.

 ɕ