#scotthumor — Public Fediverse posts

“What do you mean, there’s no Constantinople? What about New Amsterdam!? Wait, what year is this? Oh dear!”

*steps into police call box*

#ScottHumor #NerdHumor

Who is Broccoli Rob? What did he do to earn such notoriety amongst TV chefs?

#ScottHumor

My fellow Christian Conservatives, God's chosen people of this great land of the USA, remember what the Jesus said:

It is easier to pass through the eye of the needle on the way to heaven if you've laden your pockets with cash money, lubed with the tears of the disregarded poor. Just slide on through!

#TongueInCheek #SarcasmFont #ScottHumor

@brouhaha @mike Poison is safe to consume for all organic life forms.

... I took the poison and now I'm dying.

You were right to call me out on that. Would you like me to offer you options for a more expedient, less painful death? Or perhaps you'd like a plan for getting your affairs in order?

#ScottHumor

I've been taking the next round of mandatory annual training at work and... good news, I'm only a few years away from qualifying for elder abuse. So, I've got that to look forward to. Hopefully it will keep me warm when Skynet cuts off my paycheck.

#OfficeWorkerGripes #ScottHumor

Yayyy, my employer celebrated my 15-year anniversary with a line in the team PowerPoint. I will be sharing this award with my family tonight.

#OfficeWorkerGripes #ScottHumor

On the one hand, LLMs are planet-destroying bullshit machines, gaslighting our sense of reality by spewing an endless supply of hallucinations.

On the other hand, they can provide a brief yet overwhelmingly mild sense of satisfaction when you convince them to do something silly.

#LLMs #DonnieTurnip #GoogleGemini #LargeLanguageModels #ScottHumor

Yo momma’s ass is so fat, it collapsed into a neutron star.

#ScottHumor #PhysicsJokes #AstrophysicsJokes

My random thought of the day: do folks who do #perineum #sunning have a plan for getting those hard-to-see areas checked for suspicious moles?

On a related note, are there any #SitcomWriters on Fediverse? I’ve got a great idea for you.

#ScottHumor #ScottThoughts #PerineumSunning

Chat GPT, what is a real estate novelist? Is that a good paying job? How can I become a real estate novelist?

#ConfuseAgenticAI #ChatGPT #ScottHumor

Grok add ICE agents arresting the Tesla CEO for deportation

.

in a string bikini

#ScottHumor

Grok put the POTUS47 in the photo behind prison bars

.

in a string bikini

#ScottHumor

If you think you are starting 2026 with a disadvantage in life, just be thankful you aren’t setting out with this embarrassingly stupid tattoo.

#MemeChatGPT #MemesFor2026 #StupidTattoo #EmbarrassingTattoo #LLM_meme #ScottHumor

@ai6yr “Now with 100% less toxic compounds that were never proven to be part of our plan to end humanity.”

#ScottHumor

RE: https://mstdn.ca/@paulisci/115769727442381232

Thieves have taken flight with 100,000 eggs. Police are hoping someone with information will sing. Information leading to an arrest and conversion to jailbird status will be rewarded with a lot of scratch.

#Punny #ScottHumor

Given the record-setting layoff pace of 2025, the pressing etiquette question of this time:

What is the respectful waiting period after a highly valued colleague is fired before you can delete your recurring 1:1 meeting from your calendar?

Joking, not joking.

#OfficeWorkerGripes #ScottHumor #JokingNotJoking #OfficeHumor

We saw an advertisement for Burger King's SpongeBob SquarePants promo Whopper. It has a square bun on the bottom, but the standard round bun for the top.

Wife said, "why not a square top bun too?"

I said, "it's not SpongeBob SquareHat. He just needs a square bottom bun for his pants."

Congrats Burger King, you've injected yourself into the national discourse.

#ScottFood #ScottHumor

I discovered Reviewbrah on YouTube a month ago. Not sure why it took the algorithm so long to connect us given that I love non sequitur / absurdist humor.

“My disappointment is immeasurable, and my day is ruined.”

#ReviewBrah #ScottHumor

The first rule of Tautology Club is the Tautology Club rule that is listed first.

#ScottHumor

Funny comment I saw on Reddit this morning:

"people give the placebo effect a lot of shit, but it's scientifically proven to work"

#ScottHumor

@GiftArticles NGL, this feels unoriginal, derivative of Stan Lee.

https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/01/science/radioactive-wasps-nuclear-savannah-river.html?unlocked_article_code=1.a08.E9c7.5IlVJoisFgbR&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

#ComicBookOriginStory #NewComicBookOriginStory #ScottHumor

Someone tell #POTUS47 that #DEI actually stands for Dealmaking Excellence Initiative and was built in his honor, and was built under the idea that we support vulnerable groups like POC and LGBTQIA in order to win over their support for MAGA.

It might work. 🤷

#ScottHumor

Oh I get it! All these tariffs are POTUS47's sneaky way to combat global warming. By increasing prices on basically everything and crashing the US economy, he's going to decrease US consumption, leading to an overall reduction in greenhouse gas emissions. Very sneaky pulling off this green initiative, POTUS47, all the while gaining office from voters that don't even believe in global warming.

/sarcasm

#POTUS47 #GlobalWarming #USEconomy #ScottHumor #ScottPolitics

At the dinner table/stand up meeting: So, child, I see you still have 3 open tickets from yesterday. Any progress to report?

#ScottHumor

I'm wondering how much a family license to Jira costs so I can automate hounding my wife and kids with reminders to do things.

#ScottHumor

We saw a lot footballs today! Amazing gridirons! Congratulations to the <winning team>. They will be celebrating the big win in <city of winning team>. Go sports!

#SuperBowl #ScottHumor

@VTDARKSIM Endo-dont-ist? Boring.

Endo-do-ist? Sounds rad.

#ScottHumor

Headline today: "66 million-year-old fossilised vomit discovered in Denmark"

My dog: I call dibs.

#ScottHumor #ScottDogs #ScottPets #JokeOfTheDay

If Italians wanted Americans to pronounce prosciutto correctly, they wouldn't have spelled it like that.

Follow for more helpful language tips.

#ScottHumor