#rapesurvivor — Public Fediverse posts

This weeks blog post "Obstinate", about a word and what it triggers. Just generally trying to process trauma, despite not really remembering it or knowing what the memories mean. I suppose that's a common issue for people with repressed trauma memories.

So, I/we tried to do our best without putting too much pressure on ourselves and being open towards the outcome. One or two steps closer to the answer, but not there yet.

TW rape, incest

https://aurin.mataroa.blog/blog/obstinate/

#AurinBlogs #RapeSurvivor #DID #CPTSD #RepressedMemories

This week's blog post is a conversation with an abuser introject of my twin. It starts with:

🐀 I just... I just want this pain to stop... *sobs*

🐑 Do you know where this pain is coming from?

🐀 FROM YOU!!!!!

🐑 *holds up hands* I am not hurting you.

🐀 BUT I'M IN PAIN!!! IT MUST BE YOU!!!! >:///
IT IS ALWAYS YOU.
You are the weakest link. If you just measured UP, we'd ALL be ok!!!

later:

🐑 You didn't disintegrate from pain, despite the fact that I kept my boundary. Me having boundaries is not an attack on you or constitutes abuse.

🐀 it does

🐑 No, it does not.

We did get somewhere in the end. Felt very enlightening about how our abusers think, how abuse works in our corrupt family system. Granted, this is only coming from an introject, but still.

⚠️ TW for incest, rape, CSA

https://aurin.mataroa.blog/blog/inner-helper-talks-to-the-abuser-introject/

#rapeSurvivor #AbuseSurvivor #Introject #parts #DID #persecutor #ShadowWork #RapeCulture #incest #cocsa #AurinBlogs

This week's blog post is the continuation of a conversation with my Inner Helper about intrusive thoughts/introjects. Excerpts:

"Getting that memory out... it was buried so deep. Dion is right, it was like digging out a splinter from a wound, it hurt a lot but it was necessary."

"I am staying me. And I am holding on to that idea... how did Dion put it? "Your true self is not "being a martyr"" :')"

"And I am looking at the abuser introject or whatever it is, and holding steady.

I can do this."

"I don't know what this means but it feels right. It feels like a triumph of sorts - we didn't just heal a wound, we allowed something to grow stronger than ever before."

You can tell how invaluable having a trusted, supportive, loving friend – Dion – is! I couldn't do this alone! ❤️

https://aurin.mataroa.blog/blog/intrusive-thoughts-2/

#AurinBlogs #MentalHealth #neuroSpicy #NeuroDivergent #trauma #PTSD #CPTSD #DID #multiple #AbuseSurvivor #rape #RapeSurvivor #incest #CSA #CoCSA #IntrusiveThoughts #introject #AbuserIntroject #Persecutor

Survivors React to Lenient Sentencing in Hampshire Rape Case

Survivors react with shock as three teenage boys convicted of rape in Hampshire receive youth rehabilitation orders instead of prison sentences.

#HampshireRape, #YouthJustice, #RapeSurvivor, #CourtDecision, #JusticeSystem

https://newsletter.tf/hampshire-rape-case-no-prison-for-teens/

Three teenage boys convicted of 11 rape charges in Hampshire will not go to prison, receiving youth rehabilitation orders instead. This is a different outcome than many survivors expected.

#HampshireRape, #YouthJustice, #RapeSurvivor, #CourtDecision, #JusticeSystem
https://newsletter.tf/hampshire-rape-case-no-prison-for-teens/

Gisele Pelicot, a symbol of courage after her ex-husband's rape trial, releases 'A Hymn to Life'. Readers will get to know her story of resilience that led to landmark changes in France's rape laws. https://english.mathrubhumi.com/news/world/gisele-pelicot-memoir-a-hymn-to-life-iqjyfn9i?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=mastodon #GiselePelicot #RapeSurvivor #France #Memoir #EmmaThompson

I used to be ruled by fear. All the abuse and trauma throughout my life meant that I never had a safety net and never anyone or anything I could trust or fall back on. I trusted myself and my own discernment least of all because I was the one who got blamed for everything.

No longer. Two years ago, I made a commitment to not let fear hold me back from doing what I know is right. And I stuck with it. It changed the way I live my life.

Last year, I made another commitment to myself, one which I didn't know how to put into words, but I stuck with anyway: That I would no longer separate myself from myself. I would no longer abuse my own body by pushing past my limits, for example.

I am now staying with myself, staying connected to my body, staying ME, despite all the trauma and fear I'm suffering. It is hard but it is worth it. Not only am I growing and learning and HEALING old wounds despite the current circumstances - I am also bringing all of my abilities, strengths and knowledge to the fight.

I'm no longer letting myself get cut off from myself. It's the equivalent of having functioning supply and communication lines while under attack. It can't give me everything or protect me from all dangers, but it's giving me the best chance I'm gonna get.

1/5 🧵

#AbuseRecovery #TraumaRecovery #CultRecovery #about #fear #EmotionalHealing #dissociation #DID #AbuseSurvivor #RapeSurvivor

I have founded a group for abuse survivors (of past or present abuse) and those who question whether they were or are experiencing or witnessing abuse or coercive control or undue influence or someone is using power over them and retaliating against them when they don't "behave".

I myself survived childhood sexual abuse, incest, abuse by a cult, my therapist, psychiatry nurses, sibling, friends, queerplatonic partner/girlfriend, roommate and harrassment from a nazi neighbor plus landlords. I kinda got a bad start to life (in germany) and then people tended to make it worse instead of helping me or they took advantage of me.

So I learned a lot about what does and doesn't help!

And I want to help you out, whether you went through something you fear no one will believe or be able to stomach hearing about, or you think it was probably nothing and you overreact. You don't overreact! Nothing is too small to be worth talking about.

I'm making a space to have a warm, supportive, good vibes atmosphere that we co-create together. We'll help each other grow and see through confusions and distortions of the truth and gain more agency, to make choices, decisions and do stuff and have an impact on the world.

We'll also have fun and laugh and cry and eat cookies and discover what it's like to argue with someone who doesn't slice you to ribbons emotionally.

Anyone is welcome regardless of age, gender, ability, neurotype, location or background. I just ask that you help make the group a good space, be that by complaining when everyone else is too polite to say anything or by listening or by sharing. Please don't worry that by joining you'll take up too much space or take resources away from someone who might need them more — you ARE our space and our resources!

The first step is, once we have at least a handful of people, to decide when and how often to meet.
I use @delta delta chat for its privacy and because it works with spotty internet and very little tech knowledge. It works on desktop and mobile. You can download the app from google's or apple's appstore or FDroid or their website delta.chat (watch me not get the preview to work)
It was super easy to make an account and didn't require anything other than a username - no phone number or email address (or password).

DM me for an invite, which is a link that you click to join the group. The group is invite only to keep out spam and abusers.

Please boost and share this post, including on other sites or however it works for you, or by talking about it and linking here.

#abuse #AbuseCulture #AbuseSurvivor #trauma #MentalHealth #MutualAid #CommunityCare #SelfCare #dissociation #csa #childAbuse #ElderAbuse #EatingDisorder #recovery #cult #CultRecovery #healing #empowerment #EmpowerWomen #growth #resist #rape #RapeCulture #RapeSurvivor #survivor

Mental health tip that is secretly antifa in action, that I learned from @DionRa:

When you are down on yourself or have intrusive thoughts or otherwise feel like "my brain hates me", "my brain is being mean" —

This has a source outside of you. It's not a part of you that randomly decided to make your life shit for no reason. That's not how brains or psyches or emotions or humans or mental health works. If you suffer, it's because someone MAKES you suffer!

You're being oppressed, you're being exploited, you're being neglected, your rights are trampled on, you're being threatened, you might suffer systemic violence and/or interpersonal abuse. You suffer from helplessness in the face of injustice and cruelty around you.

And I know many of you know this and I know it's often overwhelming to think about. I am living that right now.

But it is important to remember as often as you can, where that comes from. To try and get specific. Who in your life is hurting you or threatening or gaslighting? Who is exposing you to oppression? Who is abusing you at home or in activist spaces?

We can't fight our own brains and "win". We can't just accept suffering either. We can only work towards more safety and more freedom and more justice by getting as specific and unflinching as we can when tracing our sufferings back to their sources.

Then fight the source. Bring the fight to them. Just being clear in your own mind changes how interactions play out! It's not easy, but it IS worth it and it gets easier with every exercise.

Sometimes you can just disengage. Unfollow, block, give monosyllabic responses if you have to. You can cut your own parents out of your life if you want to. You can find ways to get by without bosses.

Otherwise, make them at least work for it. Don't give in easily to injustices, especially the very normalised ones. Be "unreasonable" and difficult! Use the privileges you do have. Keep asking "Why?" as if you're 4 again.

Just do what you feel like. Sit or lie down or jump around for no other reason than you feel like it. Eat what catches your fancy. Eat until you feel like doing something else, even if you're already "full" (diet culture messed up your perception of your body's needs!) Sing, laugh uproariously, swear and yell. Sigh. Just stare blankly into space if that feels peaceful. Sleep more.

Connect to your body, reconnect over and over again. Be THERE for yourself, be in yourself, in your body. Connect body, mind and action.

#MentalHealth #SelfCare #MentalIllness #AbuseCulture #RapeCulture #abuse #AbuseSurvivor #RapeSurvivor #SelfCare #CommunityCare #dissociation #grounding #DomesticAbuse #brains #NegativeSelfTalk

One month left until my one and a half years sober birthday!

{Thanks for the love, Facebook ✊️}

I recently started working at a job that I can finally have pride in and that I actually love and enjoy doing. I’m a Patient Care Tech at the Haven detox program at Crescent Hospital (basically a one week detox rehab). I got this shout out from this 19 year old guy that was a heroin addict like myself going through withdrawals who I had a long heart to heart with about giving up the drugs and not fucking up his precious life and being willing to fight for himself.

Feeling nostalgic. This past year and a half of recovery has been incredible. I dont think that I’ve ever experienced so many changes so fast. Decisions that were at first so fucking hard to make and scared the shit out of me. But thank God I did, because I don’t think that I would have made it out and stayed out of addiction if I went right back to what I knew and what was comfortable. Just because something is comfortable doesnt mean that it’s good for you.

Thank you to everyone who has loved me and supported me and motivated me to fight for and protect this new life that I have built for myself.

I honestly always thought that I was going to be a mentally ill and bat shit crazy fuck up for the rest of my life however long that may be. For most of my life, I couldn’t control my emotions- with borderline personality disorder they were just so fucking intense. I couldn’t handle it. I had no idea how to use healthy coping skills, so I started finding other ways to dull the chaos inside of me. That’s how I found heroin.

It may have came into my life from a shitty boyfriend, but I was all too eager to dance with the devil if it meant feeling better inside. I just couldn’t stand it anymore. Just laying in bed or being out in public or just living your day to day life knowing how everything in your life is fine and you should be happy, but you literally cant; you just think too damn deeply, feel way too fucking much, get hurt too fucking easily, and you have these moments of extreme, primal anger where you see red and black out and lose yourself and you do and say these horrible things and get violent, destroying everything in your path, and it scares the shit out of people which causes you to be regretful and shameful and full of guilt which then leads to the bottomless pit of depression where you lay in bed for a week and can’t even manage thinking about dragging your exhausted body to the shower, so you just avoid it all together and the days and nights blend together and you just feel so empty and hallow inside like your body is about to implode on itself and you pray for it to just kill you and take you out of this constant torment once and for all.

Fast forward to a year later and I’m sober, they finally got my psych meds figured out, I got my dream job where all my pain and suffering and trauma can finally be used to help people like me after so long of never being able to hold down a job pretty much ever and being known as a junkie thief, to now, being known to be someone who is reliable, responsible, and trustworthy. And I’m finally happy. I found the peace and serenity that I had searched for in drugs for my entire life. I now see every day as a gift and do what I can to make the most of it instead of waste it away getting wasted. And every day I wake up and continue to fight for myself.

Just a story about how a girl from an upper middle class family with loving, attentive parents turned into a IV heroin using felon, yet somehow found her way back after learning many lessons the only way she knew how, the hard way.

Rate this:

#abandonmentIssues #addiction #anxiety #blessed #blog #blogPost #Borderlinepersonalitydisorder #Bpd #Chronicpain #death #Depression #dying #existentialism #grateful #heroin #inspirational #lateNightThoughts #mdd #mentalIllness #Mentalillness #motivation #motivational #na #Ptsd #rapeSurvivor #scars #selfcare #snapped #sober #sobriety #suicidalIdeations #suicide

What I want, what I and other rape survivors NEED is collective support and safety. Not hierarchical or isolating institutions. NOT being told to go through the official channels.

We need communities and spaces and societies to collectively care. And that works when individuals care and refuse to be disempowered.

By telling a rape survivor "Don't ask me, go to the police/therapy/the admin/etc" people are disempowering not only the survivor but also themselves. Don't let this happen. Empower yourselves to be full human beings with the full range of feelings and seize your RIGHT to act on your convictions.

You don't think rape should just happen all the time? Well good news: YOU CAN HELP to stop it!

Be an asshole to rapists and practice active solidarity with survivors. Not empty words. Active solidarity.

It's your choice. The alternative is to stay helpless and spineless and make yourself vulnerable to becoming the next victim. But I for one will never let that happen. I have faught, I am fighting, and I will fight until the last rapist on earth is dead.

#rape #rapeCulture #rapeSurvivor

…and have done since I was a literal fucking child using my body as a shield to try to protect my siblings from my parents (unsuccessfully).

#childAbuse #rapeCulture #rapeSurvivor #csaSurvivor

And the fucking gaslighting of every person and institution that pretended to help me, that there wasn't more they could do.

Is that really true?

Please. Please I just want people to actually honestly reflect what they can do when there is a rapist or rape survivor in their work or activism or private or family life. And think what they can do to support the victim and kick the rapist out.

And I don't mean make a sad facial expression and say some bullshit. I mean DO SOMETHING.

#rape #rapeSurvivor #rapeVictim #rapeCulture #gaslighting

It takes a toll.

This bullshit takes a toll on people and I know I'm by far not the only one.

I am one of the lucky ones.

And that fucks me up.

#rapeCulture #rapeSurvivor

Like at the time, when I finally got pushed hard enough (and that's saying something cause I am used to shittons of abuse!) to actually face the fact that my roommate was abusive and found one (1) friend who actually validated my feelings and helped me put things into perspective and see through hir manipulation and gaslighting…
I did not want to be pushed out of my home AGAIN.

It was the FIFTH time in my life that I was forced out of my home due to abusers.

It was the FIRST time that I even tried to fight back. And I lost that fight despite literally not doing anything wrong.

Again, like all those times before, I lost my place to sleep, to retreat to, to recover, to be myself. It was also in the middle of the ongoing pandemic so I also lost a refuge from the virus.

But not only that. Like all those times before, I also had to move to a different area, so I lost all irl friends, I had to find new doctors and support networks, make new routines, start over with all the little daily life things.

#rapeCulture #rapeSurvivor

When I first started talking about the abuse my then-roommate did to me, most peoples' reply was basically "Oh no, that's so bad! I believe you because you're privileged enough and middle class enough to fit my stereotype of an innocent victim and you're doing all the emotional labour to talk about it in "the right way". But I can't do anything to actually help you."

Then telling me what a bad idea it would be for me to go to the police. I did it anyways and yeah, it was a really bad idea. I got severely retraumatised and literally lost my mind (while sleeping in a homeless shelter where I had no fucking private place from which to make phone calls to talk to my lawyer about rape. It was so fun.) and the abuser got no consequences whatsoever.

The worst part? EVEN IF ze'd have been convicted, I would have lost my home and not been able to get it back.

I even begged the landlord to do something and lol. hahahhaahhahahahah it was so funny how he sided with the literal rapist who afaik just got the next vulnerable trans person as a roommate lol hahahahah

whoopsie. sorry for spiralling.

I'm safe, don't worry. I got a friend here with me now.

#rapeCulture #abuse #rapeVictim #rapeSurvivor #policeProblem #PolizeiProblem

‘I Have A Lot Of Strength In Me:’ Muzaffarnagar Gang-Rape Survivor's 10-Year-Haul For Justice Ends, 2 Convicted

On 9 May 2023, two men were held guilty of gangraping a 26-year-old during riots in Muzaffarnagar, Uttar Pradesh. Of seven women allegedly raped, X, as she is called in court records, was the only one who did not give up, enduring trauma, intimidation and poverty over the nine-year trial. The rapists sought adjournments, despite being given bail on the condition that they would not. Charges were framed four years after the chargesheet, judges were transferred thrice and she moved the Supreme Court three times to keep the trial on track. Now 36 and a mother of three, she tells us how she kept going.

#UttarPradesh #muzaffarnagar #MuzaffarnagarPogrom #MuzaffarnagarRiots #gangrape #rape #hindutva #BJP #RSS #BajrangDal #ViolenceAgainstWomen #hindutva #RapeSurvivor #SupremeCourt #justice #india

https://article-14.com/post/-i-have-a-lot-of-strength-in-me-muzaffarnagar-gang-rape-survivor-s-10-year-haul-for-justice-ends-2-convicted-645a328c0de42

(Slutwalk Portland 2017) interview 3rd Year Topless/Nude Protestor and Rape Survivor

https://videos.trom.tf/w/vcwkv7ihBz6152DrGYxUZZ