#nonmonogamy — Public Fediverse posts

Liquid Love 🩷🪔
Le vendredi 12 mars 2027 de 18h30 à 22h30📌 Lieu à définir, Hautes-Alpes

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https://maour.eu/ateliers-tactiles/liquid-love-2027-03-12/

#bd #bandedessinee #comic #shortstory #illustration #drawing #dessin #art #digital #polyamour #polyamorous #polya #enm #nonmonogamy #amour #relation #education #chat #cats #genre

DATE: August 21, 2026 at 02:00PM
SOURCE: PSYPOST.ORG

** Research quality varies widely from fantastic to small exploratory studies. Please check research methods when conclusions are very important to you. **
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TITLE: Women face higher risks of partner violence during the weeks their partners cheat

URL: https://www.psypost.org/women-face-higher-risks-of-partner-violence-during-the-weeks-their-partners-cheat/

An analysis of the Relationship Dynamics and Social Life study data found that women were more likely to experience violence from their intimate partners at the time the partner was having another sexual partner. This was the case both in situations where the couple did not have an explicit agreement about monogamy and when they had an agreement to be monogamous (that the partner broke). The probability that the relationship will be dissolved was higher after these events. The paper was published in the Journal of Marriage and Family.

Intimate relationships are an important part of adolescence and early adulthood. They help young people develop skills that can shape their relationships later in life. Yet young relationships do not always provide positive experiences. Conflict, controlling behavior, violence, and infidelity can all occur during this period. Therefore, learning to end an unhealthy relationship may be just as important a developmental task as learning how to form and maintain one.

People generally decide whether to remain with a partner by weighing what they gain from the relationship against its emotional and practical costs. Negative experiences can increase those costs, reduce relationship satisfaction, and make being single or finding another partner seem more attractive.

However, not every harmful experience has the same meaning or the same likelihood of bringing a relationship to an end. Physical aggression, psychological abuse, threats, and controlling behavior can overlap, making it difficult to separate their individual effects on a relationship. Infidelity can be particularly destabilizing because it represents a clear violation of an explicit expectation of monogamy and introduces another person into the relationship.

Study authors Jennifer S. Barber and Yasamin Kusunoki examined how intimate partner violence and non-monogamy (having more than one partner at the same time) co-occur and shape the probability of relationship dissolution. They differentiate between two types of non-monogamy – ambiguous-consent non-monogamy and non-consensual non-monogamy.

Ambiguous-consent non-monogamy is a situation where a person has concurrent sexual partners without an explicit agreement about monogamy or non-monogamy. Non-consensual non-monogamy represents a situation where a person has additional sexual partners while in a committed monogamous relationship (this is also called cheating). Study authors expected that intimate partner violence and these two types of non-monogamy will tend to co-occur in relationships and that they increase the probability of subsequent relationship dissolution.

They analyzed data from the Relationship Dynamics and Social Life (RDSL) study. This study involved 1003 young women who were 18-19 years old at the start of the study, drawn from a diverse Michigan county. 992 of them agreed to participate in the longitudinal part of the study. The study followed these women for 2.5 years, to 20-22.5 years of age. It was focused on young pregnancies. Participants were sampled randomly using a database of all driver’s license holders and personal ID card holders for that county. 84% of women selected for participation in this way agreed to participate.

The study began with a 60-minute face-to-face baseline survey focused on respondent’s current intimate relationship, attitudes, and experiences related to intimate relationships and pregnancy. This was followed (for participants who agreed to participate in the longitudinal part of the study) by brief weekly online or telephone surveys to assess ongoing experiences.

Overall, 75% of participants participated in the study for at least 18 months. Participants received small payments for their participation and completion of weekly surveys. Study authors excluded women who did not have sex with male partners, as well as women whose relationships ended before the follow-up surveys began, making the final analyzed sample 895 women.

Results showed that 80% of participants’ relationships ended during the study period. 41% of relationships included fighting (but without intimate partner violence), and 28% of relationships included intimate partner violence. 52% of participants experienced intimate partner violence.

Participating women reported engaging in non-consensual non-monogamy (cheating) in 5% of relationships, while they reported their partner doing this in 7% of relationships. They reported engaging in ambiguous-consent non-monogamy in 9% of relationships, while reporting this for their partner in 16% of relationships.

They reported having sex during 42% of weeks in which they had a partner. On average, relationships lasted 9 months and 85% of them did not include pregnancies or births. 6% included a pregnancy that did not lead to a birth, and 8% of these relationships resulted in a child. Partners were, on average, 2 years older than respondents.

Participants were more likely to experience violence from their partner in the weeks when their partner was having another sexual partner, both in situations where this represented ambiguous-consent non-monogamy and when it was non-consensual non-monogamy (i.e., when the partner was cheating). Relationships were more likely to dissolve after both types of non-monogamy and after intimate partner violence.

The authors framed these findings using expectancy violations theory, which is the idea that people have strict standards for how their partners should behave, and breaking those rules triggers a severe reassessment of the relationship.

“Findings, interpreted through expectancy violations theory, suggest NCNM [non-consensual non-monogamy i.e., cheating on a partner in a monogamous relationship] and ACNM [ambiguous consent non-monogamy i.e., having additional sexual partners without an explicit agreement] function as powerful relational breaches, while physical IPV [intimate partner violence] (assault) may operate differently from chronic psychological IPV in predicting dissolution,” study authors concluded.

The study contributes to the scientific understanding of romantic relationships. However, although the study collected data on participants’ own non-monogamous behavior, the authors did not report the associations between these types of participants’ behavior and intimate partner violence. Therefore, it remains unreported whether participating women’s own non-monogamous behaviors were associated with intimate partner violence, or how often participants’ and their partners’ non-monogamous behaviors co-occurred. Additionally, the paper did not measure participant-perpetrated intimate partner violence in the same way it measured violence perpetrated by their partners, making the asymmetry starker.

The paper, “Intimate Partner Violence, Ambiguous and Non-Consensual Non-Monogamy, and Breaking Up During Young Adulthood,” was authored by Jennifer S. Barber and Yasamin Kusunoki.

URL: https://www.psypost.org/women-face-higher-risks-of-partner-violence-during-the-weeks-their-partners-cheat/

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#psychology #counseling #socialwork #psychotherapy @psychotherapist @psychotherapists @psychology @socialpsych @socialwork @psychiatry #mentalhealth #psychiatry #healthcare #depression #psychotherapist #IntimatePartnerViolence #NonMonogamy #CheatingImpact #RelationshipDissolution #YoungAdultsRelationships #IPVAwareness #MonogamyExpectations #RelationshipDynamics #StaySafeInRelationships #GenderViolenceResearch

« Traumagiques » Cultiver l’extase, transformer son monde
Comment favoriser des expériences positives transformatrices dans la sexualité ?

Mémoire de fin d'étude en sexologie - École de psycho-
https://maour.eu/2026/07/30/traumagiques-cultiver-lextase-transformer-son-monde/
#ConfrencesRflexions #volution
#bd #bandedessinee #comic #shortstory #illustration #drawing #dessin #art #digital #polyamour #polyamorous #polya #enm #nonmonogamy #amour #relation #education #chat #cats #genre

#introduction time!

Hi, I'm Bea. I seem to be leading a highly squiggly life that's led me through a wild range of experiences, has, at this point been going on for Some Time, and fortunately shows no signs of stopping yet.

Currently, amongst other things, I'm a #coder, a #boater, a #music obsessive, and a #cat mama, plus I #parent a non-zero irrational number of other humans of various ages in this, my sandwich era.

I've also been a #soundEngineer, a #teacher, a professional #psychic, a #theatre technician, and so on. I'm a #Londoner, a lapsed #Glaswegian and a recovering #NewYorker.

I'd list more specifics, but honestly they change all the time; two of the rare constants in my life are #singing and #bass, though I'm increasingly surrounded by a constellation of strange instruments; physical and digital, musical and nautical.

I'm also a #vegan (for the animals) #trans shapeshifter practising #nonMonogamy, and am gay for girls of most genders and apparently now the occasional boy. If this feels like rubbing it in your face, feel free to move your face.

I have an overdeveloped sense of justice, but only compared to your average late capitalist human, and the kind of highly spicy brain you'd expect from, uh, well, all of the above.

I'm afraid things are likely only going to get weirder from here.

No TERFs, no SWERFs, no cops, no Tories (or any other forms of fascism).

Warning! contains multitudes!

Happy Day of Visibility for Nonmonogamy!
🩵🩷🤍🔻

#DayOfVisibilityForNonmonogamy #Nonmonogamy #Nonmonogamous

Understanding Tolyamory: A Common Non-Monogamous Relationship Dynamic

📰 Original title: You May Be In A 'Tolyamorous’ Relationship Without Ever Having Discussed It

🤖 IA: It's clickbait ⚠️
👥 Users: It's clickbait ⚠️

View full AI summary https://en.killbait.com/understanding-tolyamory-a-common-non-monogamous-relationship-dynamic.html?utm_source=mastodon_world&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=killbait.mastodon_world

#society #nonmonogamy #relationshipdynamics #tolyamory

This class will primarily address attending kink conventions from registration and hotel booking to the aftermath of con drop and recovery, for every situation from the solo kinkster to the polysaturated and attending with polycules.

https://forbiddentickets.com/events/pandastory/42fb66a643 .

#NonMonogamy #Polyam #Kink

Partners, polyamory, power exchange, all things people-y…these all add layers of complexity to our event navigation. We think prior planning and communication are the main tools needed to ensure success. Can you think of others?

#NonMonogamy #Polyamory #BDSM

It seems like we're starting the Big Crying All Day part of Greg's visit a little earlier this year.

What fun.

#dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK

Week of Visibility for #NonMonogamy A global celebration of non-monogamous communities, identities, and values July 6-12, 2026 https://www.weekofvisibility.com #ENM #Polyamory #poly

Does anyone else find their partner’s New Relationship Energy really difficult to deal with?

I love Nestie so much, but they do throw themselves into new romantic relationships at speed and with 110% commitment and it always leaves me feeling a little left behind.

#polyamory #nonmonogamy #NRE

This time next week I'll be 24 hours away from snogging Greg.

#dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK

I put together a bed side table for the other side of my bed, because Greg's visiting in a few weeks.

I got to put together some things in the drawer for him today:
Lip balm
Hair ties
Deodorant
Tissues
Paracetamol
Lube
USB-C cables
UK/Australia socket
Paper and pens
Wipes
Fan
Little bowl to put his ring in while he's sleeping

It feels less lonely to have little bits around the house for when he's here.

#LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK #dating #relationship

https://thistlenfern.org/@wendythedruid/116530892882294571

I rattled this off last night pissed off, but if anyone has insight, please share.

#Polyamory #ThroupleLife #QueerRelationships #PolyCommunity #AutonomyInLove #NonMonogamy #LGBTQLove #PolyAwareness #RelationshipAnarchy #ChosenFamily #TransJoy #QueerJoy #PolyValid #Interdependence #LoveWithoutRules

Ok here go my #introduction

Hello :)

My name is sondra

I find it hard to describe myself when in a very open context, as in a instance that is not very specific to a place or a thing. But this one is gay so let's go with my gay badges:

I am #bisexual and have founded the oldest continuos and still living bi organization of #Brazil, a long time ago with people way more talented than me who still run it (bisides.com)

Now as #immigrant in #Argentina I run a queer antifascist mastodon instance: mariconear (I am @[email protected] there)

I am in the fediverse since 2019 in a brazilian instance and I am the annoying fed person in every group I participate

Still in the alternative arena, I practice #BDSM been working as a professional shibari rigger for some years and now as sex worker.

I am non-monogamous and used to organize a very informal and horizontal #nonmonogamy event.

The not so queer parts of my life:

Love #cinema , live with 2 cats, like to be outside, to sleep early, good #series and eating with friends.

I study #philosophy , like to read sci-fi and have a bunch of proyects that I don't have still the discipline to actually work on.

Also love music, history, art in general, to learn, meet people, to hug, autumn and spring, banana and peanuts.

Ok I will stop now. It is dangerous having so many space to write :p

Nice to meet you!

Greg and I usually never argue, and have maybe 5 or 6 arguments in the 8 years we've been dating (15 years we've known each other).

Over the past week we've had 3 arguments. We're fine, it's just one thing we're working through.

But this post isn't about that. This post is about the realisation that every time we argue I get a headache and constipated for like 2 days after.

My body literally does NOT cope when we argue. It's perfectly happy to fight with any other motherfucker that annoys me, though.

#dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK

Greg worked in the office on Tuesday, and then went away for his anniversary with his wife on Wednesday/Thursday.. so I haven't really been able to spend proper time with him for 3 days.

He's back home now and is going to call in about 90 minutes when he wakes up, which is fantastic and I can't wait, but also I'm still feeling so sad about missing all that time with him.

Non-monogamous relationships are hard at times, and adding long distance on to them makes them really hurt.

#NonMonogamy #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship

It's our 8th anniversary on Sunday, and a huge bunch of flowers just arrived from Vanessa Pringle Floral Designs, and they're absolutely gorgeous.

I hate that we never get to have our anniversary together in person, but I appreciate that he's so thoughtful about the practical ways to help us feel closer in spite of the tyranny of distance.

Long distance is hard. Being loved by him is easy.

#relationship #dating #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK #anniversary #flowers

Cuddling with strangers made me realize that our society is really bad at encouraging intimacy.

I wrote about it, why it's a problem, and what I think we can do about it (hint: it's not just polyamory).

🔗 https://teunvanson.eu/cuddles/

#intimacy #RelationshipAnarchy #nonmonogamy #cuddling #love #polyamory #BearBlog #blog #BlogPost

La Romettine
Salle polyvalente de la Romettine
Route de Champ Forain, 05000 Gap

https://maps.app.goo.gl/Meij8UcV7KSSMjQ4A
https://maour.eu/event-venue/la-romettine/

#bd #bandedessinee #comic #shortstory #illustration #drawing #dessin #art #digital #polyamour #polyamorous #polya #enm #nonmonogamy #amour #relation #education #chat #cats #genre

I'm having thoughts about long distance relationships, and how being apart again after time together might feel more difficult for me because of my audhd.

Like, there the rsd aspect, but on top of that there's also other parts:

- I get to experience lots of dopamine while Greg is around, just from being cuddled and touched, from having him with me in person, from the sex and play, from the good food he cooks me... and a bunch of other things

- I get to actually relax and unmask to a point where I feel like myself instead of trying to juggle people's expectations of me

- I am allowed to fuck up and be forgiven

...then I get back to my own life and all that goes away again. I feel sad, but also there's this terrible feeling of not coping with life that hovers until I get back to my normal routine and remember that I am used to this struggle.

It sucks.

#dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK #audhd #autism #adhd #disability #neurodiverse #MentalHealth

Le Point Commun
https://maps.app.goo.gl/U3387cAj9CG3Ug9x5

Bar associatif, Pl. Jean Jaurès, 07300 Tournon-sur-Rhône
https://maour.eu/event-venue/le-point-commun/

#bd #bandedessinee #comic #shortstory #illustration #drawing #dessin #art #digital #polyamour #polyamorous #polya #enm #nonmonogamy #amour #relation #education #chat #cats #genre

Over the last several years, the price of getting by from month to month has risen beyond the means of many of us. Purchasing a single family home or condominium has become a laughable proposition. Meanwhile, rents have skyrocketed. Groceries, utilities, tuition, child care, transportation, entertainment, travel are all up.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/who-can-afford-to-be-monogamous-anymore-970075bac69a?sk=e9f3312dd5b27ff3c304fdbcc224924e

#LGBTQ #Queer #Nonmonogamy #CooperativeLiving

Me:
Honestly, I wouldn't trust myself climbing up a ladder anymore..

Greg:
..not with those nipples.

(we had just been talking about how I clipped my nipple ring with the shower door)

#HeMakesMeLaugh #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #Australia #UK

|WEDNESDAY, THURSDAY, FRIDAY |

We spent more time just relaxing at home. We've been watching TV together, playing some games, and spending a lot of time just chatting and enjoying being in the same physical space again.

We did some shopping, and have made plans for dinner with friends for next weekend.

_____

FOXES SEEN - 9
SQUIRRELS SEEN - 0
TOTAL FOXES SEEN - 15
TOTAL SQUIRRELS SEEN - 2

#UK #Australia #dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy

| TUESDAY |

We woke up a little later and spent some time snuggling and listening to the rain. Greg had to work again—normally on a Tuesday (and Wednesday) he'd have to go into the office in London, but he asked his manager about potentially working from home while I'm here to cut down on covid risks, and his manager agreed.. so he'll get to work from home my entire visit. I spent the day curled up next to him while he worked, reading and watching some shows.

There's an amazing Vietnamese restaurant in Plumstead called Viet Baguette, which we always visit when I here. I really felt like their food for lunch, but we had planned to have fish and chips for dinner so we just had a quesadilla for lunch.

After dinner we popped out to do some shopping and look for a bed. Greg's been sleeping on a fold out futon for a while now, and has decided to get a proper bed finally. We got to shop for a mattress last night (and found one), which was actually quite a lot of fun. It felt really domestic and home-making-ey to be out shopping for the bed we're going to share, even though I'm only here for 6 weeks.

We picked up fish and chips on the way home, which is something I love to have while I'm here because the chips remind me of the proper chips we used to get when I was a kid.

_____

FOXES SEEN - 3
SQUIRRELS SEEN - 2

TOTAL FOXES SEEN - 6
TOTAL SQUIRRELS SEEN - 2

#UK #Australia #dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy

| MONDAY |

Greg got up early to drop his wife to work, and climbed back into bed with me when he got home. There's something so delicious about being snuggled awake and fucked before even opening my eyes.. it puts me in a fabulous mood for the rest of the day.

Greg worked all day, and I got to just curl up in the bed next to his desk. I watched a couple of episodes of The Undoing and read a little. We chatted in between his meetings, and it was lovely to just be able to reach over and touch him or to see him working right next to me.

In the evening we took Alethea to the vet for her vaccination and post enucleation check up—everything is fine. Once we got home we joined his wife and had some dinner, watched some more of The Pitt and True Blood.

I noticed in the first seen we meet Tara in, she's reading a copy of Shock Doctrine by Naomi Klein. I was so excited we had to stop the episode for me to talk about how fascinating it is that she's reading that book, and how it completely changes the character for me now!

It was a relaxing day, quiet and domestic.. I feel happy.

_____

FOXES SEEN - 3
SQUIRRELS SEEN - 0

TOTAL FOXES SEEN - 3
TOTAL SQUIRRELS SEEN - 0

#UK #Australia #dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy

| SUNDAY |

We woke up and played a little, then got up for breakfast and snuggled on the sofa with some TV. We watched an episode of Survivor SA, and ended up watching the first episode of a show called Years and Years. I'm super interested in seeing how it turns out.. the episodes are well written, the acting and direction is fabulous, and it's an intense and intriguing premise. It's densely written, and we had to take breaks because I kept losing focus.

We did a bit of cleaning to return the other-husband's flat and (after negative covid tests) we headed back to Greg's house.

On the way back we stopped at a toy shop so I could pick up a game of Keepy Uppey... we're going to have dinner with a couple that Greg and his wife are good friends with, who I've also met a few times and really enjoy their company. They have two small kids, and I'm picking up a few gifts for them.

It was lovely to catch up with his wife again. I've missed her. We try to keep touch throughout the year and have occasional calls, but we've both had a hectic year. I got to see their cats—including Alethia, who got diagnosed with a cancer last year and had her eye removed. She's perfectly healthy now, and wandering around the house like a tiny disgruntled pirate.

We ordered in some dinner as a treat, and introduced Greg's wife to The Pitt. We headed to bed, and I absolutely crashed!

_____
FOXES SEEN - 0
SQUIRRELS SEEN - 0

#UK #Australia #dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy

| SATURDAY |

We had a quiet day yesterday. We woke up early and played fairly intensely and then spent some time snuggling in bed and talking.

The plan had been to go to Nunhead Cemetery for a walk, but Greg's wife and her other-husband needed the car. So we popped out early in the morning to pick up some groceries and then Greg dropped them the car.

We spent the day curled up on the sofa and chatting. We watched some funny YouTube clips, and an episode of Monster—Ed Gein.

We had a dill pickle salad and a brat for dinner and then went to bed. I'm still getting over the flights, and Greg was exhausted after I woke him up at 5am to fuck 😆. He's out of practice dealing with my shenanigans!

SQUIRRELS - 0
FOXES - 0 (heard some though)
I have plans to buy some peanuts to gift the squirrels and crows..

#UK #Australia #dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy

| FRIDAY |

I'm here! In London!

I arrived on Friday evening, Greg picked me up from Gatwick and we drove back to his wife's other-husband's place. We're staying here until Sunday afternoon (today) to give us space to make sure I didn't pick up covid (I didn't) before going back to his.

I showered and we went to Costco to pick up some bits and pieces. I got a UK Costco hotdog, and it was interesting. They use beef dogs here, and instead of the chopped raw onion they use weird soft boiled onion that's incredibly unpleasant.. I'm not a fan. It feels weird to not enjoy a Costco hotdog!

We got home and went to bed (I had been falling asleep in the car). We played around a lot.. the plan was to not fuck on the first few days, and just get really intensely wound up together..

#UK #Australia #dating #relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy

Kink Communities: Beyond the Stereotypes

A Major UK Study Reveals Some Surprising Facts About Kink Communities

Media portrayals of niche sexual interests like BDSM, pet play, and furries often lean into sensationalism, painting participants as psychologically deviant or driven by singular, extreme fetishes. These stereotypes, while dramatic, rarely reflect the lived experiences of people within these communities. This leaves a significant gap between public perception of kink communities and reality. 

A recent scientific investigation, “A Survey of the United Kink-dom,” offers a rare, data-driven look into these worlds. Published in The Journal of Sex Research, this study surveyed 470 UK-based participants involved in five distinct interest groups:

• BDSM
• Age play
• Pet play
• Furries
• Balloon fetishists

The research provides one of the most comprehensive datasets to date on the demographics, psychology, and behaviors of these communities. 

This article distills the five most surprising and stereotype-busting findings from this rigorous research. By moving past the hype and focusing on the evidence, we can begin to build a more nuanced and accurate understanding of kink communities and their members.

1. Most People Are Into More Than One Thing

Contrary to the idea that people belong to distinct and separate fetish groups, the study found a very high degree of overlapping interests. The data shows that having a single, isolated interest is actually the exception, not the rule.

Only 19% of the 470 participants reported having just one of the five paraphilic interests investigated. The majority had two (37.8%) or three (31.5%). 

This finding is significant because it suggests these interests are not isolated quirks. They are often part of a broader exploration of non-normative identity and sexuality. The researchers identified specific patterns of co-occurrence.

For instance, there was a strong link between pet play and furry interests. This makes sense due to their shared themes of animal personification. Similarly, BDSM, which is defined by power dynamics, showed significant overlap with pet play. This is another of the groups in the study that centrally involve power exchange roles.

Check out the latest research on fetishes and criminality:

• Criminal Histories and Recidivism Rates for Juveniles Convicted of Child Pornography Possession

Read more articles about BDSM.

2. Kink Communities Deviate Sharply from Population Norms

When the researchers compared their sample to UK national statistics on sexual orientation and relationship styles, they found dramatic differences.

Across all five groups studied, participants reported significantly lower levels of heterosexual identity and much higher rates of gay/lesbian and bisexual identities than the general population.

For example, while 94.6% of the UK population identifies as heterosexual, the rate within the BDSM group was just 37.8%. 

The study also found substantially higher rates of non-monogamy compared to population estimates. A 2.4% rate from a representative Canadian sample was used as a benchmark in the absence of equivalent UK data.

This finding supports a growing body of research suggesting these communities often function as welcoming spaces for individuals whose identities and relationship models are marginalized elsewhere. The study’s authors summarize the scale of this difference concisely: 

Findings demonstrated groups differed significantly from population patterns of sexual orientation and relationship style, with effect sizes for these comparisons being large.

3. The “Psychopathic Dominant” is a Myth

A persistent and damaging stereotype suggests that individuals who enjoy dominant roles in BDSM must harbor “darker” personality traits. These traits inlcude:

• Narcissism
• Machiavellianism
• Psychopathy

This idea pathologizes practitioners by linking consensual power exchange with antisocial characteristics. 

The “United Kink-dom” study directly tested this hypothesis by measuring these “Dark Triad” traits across different BDSM role identities:

• Dominant
• Submissive
• Switch (individuals who enjoy both roles)

The results were definitive: there were no significant differences in Dark Triad traits based on BDSM role.

People who identified with dominant roles did not score higher on measures of Machiavellianism, narcissism, or psychopathy than those in submissive or switch roles. This finding provides strong empirical evidence that debunks a harmful myth and supports previous research showing that BDSM practitioners generally have mental health profiles comparable to the general population.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

4. The Study Found Little Support for the Most Damaging Stereotypes in Kink Communities

The study carefully and sensitively investigated the most stigmatizing stereotypes the links between

• Age play and pedophilia
• Pet play/furries and zoophilia

The researchers’ goal was to see if these consensual adult role-playing activities were being used as a substitute for harmful, non-consensual interests. 

The findings were more complex than a simple “myth-busted” headline would suggest.

For age play, the data showed that the vast majority of participants did not report any pedophilic arousal. However, a minority (14.1%) did report some level of arousal to pedophilic fantasy.

The researchers provide crucial context, noting that while their data “largely does not support stereotypes,” this rate of self-reported arousal is higher than the estimated prevalence of pedophilia in the general population (up to 5%). 

A similar pattern emerged for pet play and furries within Kink Communities.

While most participants in these groups expressed “repulsion” to the idea of sex with animals, a minority reported some arousal to zoophilic fantasy (23.6% of pet players and 28.9% of furries).

Again, the researchers note that these rates are higher than the general population estimate for zoophilia (up to 8%).

For the overwhelming majority, consensual adult role-play is distinct from harmful acts, but the data reveals a nuanced reality that defies simple caricature.

5. Kink Can Be a Non-Sexual Identity

A common assumption is that participation in kink communities is always and exclusively about sexual gratification. However, the study’s data challenges this idea, revealing that for many, these interests are a multifaceted part of their identity that isn’t always tied to sex. 

A significant minority of participants, particularly among pet players and furries, reported that they did not pair their interests with sexual acts.

Across the groups, “10–35% reported never pairing this with sex,” with furries (35.1%) and pet players (26.7%) being the most likely to engage non-sexually. Furthermore, when asked how much they viewed their interest as part of their “sexual orientation,” the study found a “bimodal distribution.”

This means participants tended to answer at the extremes: many saw it as absolutely central to their sexual identity, while many others saw it as not at all important. 

This highlights that for a substantial portion of these communities, the appeal is not primarily sexual. Instead, it lies in social connection, psychological expression, and creative world-building – crystallized in practices like developing a detailed “fursona,” or animal character, which can be entirely separate from sexual gratification.

A More Complex Picture of Kink Communities

The “A Survey of the United Kink-dom” study provides a powerful, evidence-based counter-narrative to the prevailing stereotypes about kink communities.

The findings paint a picture of a world that is far more diverse, psychologically comparable to the general population, and less pathological than often portrayed.

It reveals communities that are highly interconnected, disproportionately queer and non-monogamous, and driven by a wide range of motivations that often extend well beyond sex. 

This research underscores that the lived reality of people with non-normative sexual interests is more complex and far more human than caricature allows. As data replaces caricature, the central question is no longer if these communities are pathological, but how their complex networks of identity, creativity, and non-normative relationships challenge our broader cultural definitions of sexuality itself.

Be Part of the Kink Community Conversation

Do you participate in a kink community? How do you view kink communities? Drop a comment below and tell me about your non-explicit experiences!

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

I was going to post something the other day about how I had a submissive until about 10 months ago, when we stopped our dynamic.

He is married and his wife had asked him to stop his kink stuff for a time to refocus his energy and time in his marriage and family. He and I had talked when we first started with our thing, and we're very open about how his relationship with his family, and my relationship with Greg, were our priorities and that was how we wanted it. I don't usually do hierarchical relationships, but this suited everyone involved and was a deliberate decision... whereas my issue with hierarchy is that it's often not through deliberate choice, but is just followed because that's "the way it's meant to be".

For some reason the last couple of weeks I'd started thinking about him a fair bit. I had a couple of dreams that he was in, and when I sat down and had a real think about why I was thinking about him I realised it was because I was missing him.

Then, yesterday.. out of the blue, he messaged me on Fetlife. He's reactivated his account, we're chatting again. Things with his wife and family are great and they've agreed that he can go explore his kink side again.

Sometimes the universe is an interesting place.

#relationship #dating #NonMonogamy #kink #bdsm #Ds #Dominant #submissive #fetlife