#nonmonogamy — Public Fediverse posts

Just out!
#queer #nonmonogamy in a #transnational perspective! https://doi.org/10.1177/13634607261483963

#academia #research #socialsciences #sexualities

Just out!
#queer #nonmonogamy in a #transnational perspective! https://doi.org/10.1177/13634607261483963

#academia #research #socialsciences #sexualities

Just out!
#queer #nonmonogamy in a #transnational perspective! https://doi.org/10.1177/13634607261483963

#academia #research #socialsciences #sexualities

Just out!
#queer #nonmonogamy in a #transnational perspective! https://doi.org/10.1177/13634607261483963

#academia #research #socialsciences #sexualities

Kink Communities: Beyond the Stereotypes

A Major UK Study Reveals Some Surprising Facts About Kink Communities

Media portrayals of niche sexual interests like BDSM, pet play, and furries often lean into sensationalism, painting participants as psychologically deviant or driven by singular, extreme fetishes. These stereotypes, while dramatic, rarely reflect the lived experiences of people within these communities. This leaves a significant gap between public perception of kink communities and reality. 

A recent scientific investigation, “A Survey of the United Kink-dom,” offers a rare, data-driven look into these worlds. Published in The Journal of Sex Research, this study surveyed 470 UK-based participants involved in five distinct interest groups:

• BDSM
• Age play
• Pet play
• Furries
• Balloon fetishists

The research provides one of the most comprehensive datasets to date on the demographics, psychology, and behaviors of these communities. 

This article distills the five most surprising and stereotype-busting findings from this rigorous research. By moving past the hype and focusing on the evidence, we can begin to build a more nuanced and accurate understanding of kink communities and their members.

1. Most People Are Into More Than One Thing

Contrary to the idea that people belong to distinct and separate fetish groups, the study found a very high degree of overlapping interests. The data shows that having a single, isolated interest is actually the exception, not the rule.

Only 19% of the 470 participants reported having just one of the five paraphilic interests investigated. The majority had two (37.8%) or three (31.5%). 

This finding is significant because it suggests these interests are not isolated quirks. They are often part of a broader exploration of non-normative identity and sexuality. The researchers identified specific patterns of co-occurrence.

For instance, there was a strong link between pet play and furry interests. This makes sense due to their shared themes of animal personification. Similarly, BDSM, which is defined by power dynamics, showed significant overlap with pet play. This is another of the groups in the study that centrally involve power exchange roles.

Check out the latest research on fetishes and criminality:

• Criminal Histories and Recidivism Rates for Juveniles Convicted of Child Pornography Possession

Read more articles about BDSM.

2. Kink Communities Deviate Sharply from Population Norms

When the researchers compared their sample to UK national statistics on sexual orientation and relationship styles, they found dramatic differences.

Across all five groups studied, participants reported significantly lower levels of heterosexual identity and much higher rates of gay/lesbian and bisexual identities than the general population.

For example, while 94.6% of the UK population identifies as heterosexual, the rate within the BDSM group was just 37.8%. 

The study also found substantially higher rates of non-monogamy compared to population estimates. A 2.4% rate from a representative Canadian sample was used as a benchmark in the absence of equivalent UK data.

This finding supports a growing body of research suggesting these communities often function as welcoming spaces for individuals whose identities and relationship models are marginalized elsewhere. The study’s authors summarize the scale of this difference concisely: 

Findings demonstrated groups differed significantly from population patterns of sexual orientation and relationship style, with effect sizes for these comparisons being large.

3. The “Psychopathic Dominant” is a Myth

A persistent and damaging stereotype suggests that individuals who enjoy dominant roles in BDSM must harbor “darker” personality traits. These traits inlcude:

• Narcissism
• Machiavellianism
• Psychopathy

This idea pathologizes practitioners by linking consensual power exchange with antisocial characteristics. 

The “United Kink-dom” study directly tested this hypothesis by measuring these “Dark Triad” traits across different BDSM role identities:

• Dominant
• Submissive
• Switch (individuals who enjoy both roles)

The results were definitive: there were no significant differences in Dark Triad traits based on BDSM role.

People who identified with dominant roles did not score higher on measures of Machiavellianism, narcissism, or psychopathy than those in submissive or switch roles. This finding provides strong empirical evidence that debunks a harmful myth and supports previous research showing that BDSM practitioners generally have mental health profiles comparable to the general population.

Are you a professional looking to stay up-to-date with the latest information on, sex addiction, trauma, and mental health news and research? Or maybe you’re looking for continuing education courses?

Stay up-to-date with all of Dr. Jen’s work through her practice’s newsletter!

4. The Study Found Little Support for the Most Damaging Stereotypes in Kink Communities

The study carefully and sensitively investigated the most stigmatizing stereotypes the links between

• Age play and pedophilia
• Pet play/furries and zoophilia

The researchers’ goal was to see if these consensual adult role-playing activities were being used as a substitute for harmful, non-consensual interests. 

The findings were more complex than a simple “myth-busted” headline would suggest.

For age play, the data showed that the vast majority of participants did not report any pedophilic arousal. However, a minority (14.1%) did report some level of arousal to pedophilic fantasy.

The researchers provide crucial context, noting that while their data “largely does not support stereotypes,” this rate of self-reported arousal is higher than the estimated prevalence of pedophilia in the general population (up to 5%). 

A similar pattern emerged for pet play and furries within Kink Communities.

While most participants in these groups expressed “repulsion” to the idea of sex with animals, a minority reported some arousal to zoophilic fantasy (23.6% of pet players and 28.9% of furries).

Again, the researchers note that these rates are higher than the general population estimate for zoophilia (up to 8%).

For the overwhelming majority, consensual adult role-play is distinct from harmful acts, but the data reveals a nuanced reality that defies simple caricature.

5. Kink Can Be a Non-Sexual Identity

A common assumption is that participation in kink communities is always and exclusively about sexual gratification. However, the study’s data challenges this idea, revealing that for many, these interests are a multifaceted part of their identity that isn’t always tied to sex. 

A significant minority of participants, particularly among pet players and furries, reported that they did not pair their interests with sexual acts.

Across the groups, “10–35% reported never pairing this with sex,” with furries (35.1%) and pet players (26.7%) being the most likely to engage non-sexually. Furthermore, when asked how much they viewed their interest as part of their “sexual orientation,” the study found a “bimodal distribution.”

This means participants tended to answer at the extremes: many saw it as absolutely central to their sexual identity, while many others saw it as not at all important. 

This highlights that for a substantial portion of these communities, the appeal is not primarily sexual. Instead, it lies in social connection, psychological expression, and creative world-building – crystallized in practices like developing a detailed “fursona,” or animal character, which can be entirely separate from sexual gratification.

A More Complex Picture of Kink Communities

The “A Survey of the United Kink-dom” study provides a powerful, evidence-based counter-narrative to the prevailing stereotypes about kink communities.

The findings paint a picture of a world that is far more diverse, psychologically comparable to the general population, and less pathological than often portrayed.

It reveals communities that are highly interconnected, disproportionately queer and non-monogamous, and driven by a wide range of motivations that often extend well beyond sex. 

This research underscores that the lived reality of people with non-normative sexual interests is more complex and far more human than caricature allows. As data replaces caricature, the central question is no longer if these communities are pathological, but how their complex networks of identity, creativity, and non-normative relationships challenge our broader cultural definitions of sexuality itself.

Be Part of the Kink Community Conversation

Do you participate in a kink community? How do you view kink communities? Drop a comment below and tell me about your non-explicit experiences!

For an in-depth guide on talking to your adolescents about cybersex and pornography, check out Dr. Jen’s book. Amazon | BookBaby

Have you found yourself in legal trouble due to your sexual behavior? Seek assistance before the court mandates it, with Sexual Addiction Treatment Services.

Are you looking for more reputable data-backed information on sexual addiction? The Mitigation Aide Research Archive is an excellent source for executive summaries of research studies.

I want to find my people around here. Follow me if you relate to these hashtags and I will follow you back.

#Anarchism #Anarchy #Anarchist #Anarquismo #ancom #anarchocommunism #anarcocomunismo #anarcosindicalismo #anarchosyndicalism #AnarchoPunk

#portugal #portugues #portuguese

#veggie #vegetarian

#freepalestine #freecongo #palestine #palestina #congo

#leftist #leftism #leftists

#Feminism #Feminist #transfeminisme #transfeminismo #anarchafeminism #anarchatransfeminism #anarchoqueer

#lgbtq #lgbt #lgbtqia #Queer #Trans #transrights #transgender #enby #enbypride #NonBinary #naobinarie #nãoBinariedade #bi #bisexual #pan #pansexual #sapphic #genderfluid #genderqueer

#nonmonogamy #relationalanarchy #polyamory #polyamour #polyamourous #ethicalnonmonogamy

#kink #kinky #kinkcommunity #kinkfriendly #bdsm #bdsmkink

#AntiFascism #Antifa #AntiFascist

#antiracism #decolonial #decolonize #indigenousrights

#Punk #metal #edm #techno #trance #funk #reggaeton #rap #hiphop

#anthropology #sociology #History #Philosophy #Politics #biology #socialsciences #Privacy #privacymatters #cybersecurity #forensic

#Ecology #ambient #ecologia

#bones #bonecollector #ostheology #death #morbid #mortuarypractices #mortuary #mortuaryscience #deathpositive #deathpositivity

#witch #occult #satanism

Old Brompton Cemetery..

#NonMonogamy #relationship #uk2024 #Cemetary

DAY 8

We dropped Lucy at the station in the morning so she could catch the train into her course, and then popped to Tesco to pick up snacks for everyone for movie night. Lucy was going to spend the night at her other husband's place, so we'll get the house to ourselves..although the plan was for us to head over to his place for movie night too.

After picking up snacks (and ingredients to make keto snacks for Lucy), we were going to wander around TKMaxx to find slippers for me and then go get a bubble tea, but Tesco was too loud and my back was too sore, so we just came home.

We had some lunch, and then did housework. I cleaned the kitchen while Greg vaccuumed and did the bathrooms. Then we spent some time chatting and watching TV.. and I mentioned how I didn't want to go for movie night, and that I didn't know if it was just my agoraphobia starting to kick up.

Greg was really supportive, and said that it was ok for us not to go. We decided that was best, and popped the snacks in the car to drop them off for everyone after dinner (lentil pasta sauce, which is one of my really good recipes), and then came back home. The plan was to fool around some before bed, but we were both tired so we just snuggled up and slept.

Squirrel sightings: still 0, damn it
Fox sightings: 6

Post-flight covid test: still negative

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #uk2024 #Cats #CatsOfMastodon #KittensOfMastodon #Kitten #Kittens #caturday

DAY 7

During the covid lockdowns Greg and Lucy started a Friday night routine of watching a film with their friend Glen joining them via video call from his home. Sometimes Lucy's other husband would also join in, sometimes I would get up at 4am and also join via a call from Australia. It became our International Non-Monogamous Movie night, and has been something we've all done for the last 3 years or so. It's fun when I'm visiting, because we get to do it in person, complete with pizza, drinking, an often bad horror movie, and running commentary from us all.

However, because Lucy had so much on today with her course and work prep, we shifted it to Saturday night and Greg, Lucy and I watched Umma together instead.. with pizza, drinking, and commentary - so it wasn't that different tbh.

I ordered a magherta pizza which was quite lovely. The best part was the dough, which had a lovely soft chewiness to it. We tried to make mint julep with mint essence instead of fresh herbs, and ended up switching to gin, tonic, and rose water because the mint juleps were like being slapped in the face by a mouthwash soaked towel.

The movie was disappointing. Sandra Oh was an absolute power in the lead role, but the story let her down. She deserved a much better script.

We went to bed and snuggled after the movie. We slept with the blind open so I could wake up with the light, which seems to be slowly sorting out my jet lag.

Squirrel sightings: still 0
Fox sightings: 4

Post-flight covid test: final test, still negative - vaccination works!

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 6

Greg was working, so I spent the day sitting on the fold out sofa in the study, which is where we've been sleeping as well. I read (Leave the World Behind by Rumaan Alam), watched tiktoks, and played on my Switch (A Little to the Left), encouraging him to take a break every hour where I played with his junk while he decompressed about how work was going and we chatted and joked. It was a really cozy day.

His wife (let's call her Lucy), was downstairs in her office area all day, prepping for her course and work. She's doing a relationship counselling course which has a three day in person component over the weekend, and has a lot of study to do to get ready for that, as well her job being one that involves a LOT of take-home (unpaid) work.

At one point she said "please don't feel like you have to hide away upstairs.. feel free to come down here and use the lounge room if you want to watch TV or play games.." (her office area is part of the loungeroom sectioned off).

I think I'm still in the clingy part of my visit. I explained that it was a novelty to just look up from my book and see Greg sitting in the same room, instead of being on a screen. Lucy has had a long distance relationship, so she understands.

We all had some dinner (chicken fajitas) and watched some TV together. I went to bed early because I was exhausted by 8pm.. jet lag is still kicking my arse. I felt Greg climb into bed around 11pm, because he'd fallen asleep on the sofa.

Squirrel sightings: 0, but Greg told me he saw one on Wednesday.. so there are some still around
Fox sightings: 7 - big fox day!

Post-flight covid test: negative, but my best friendessaged me to let me know he tested positive

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 5

I tested negative for covid again, which meant that we got to go to Greg's place.

I woke up with a hypo and felt awful. I'm having to adjust my insulin dosage because of having a different schedule here. I've already dropped it by 20 units, but I think I'm going to have to drop it further. I went back to bed for a nap that ended up being a couple of hours, Greg let me sleep while he packed up most of our stuff.

I woke up about an hour before we were leaving, packed up my things, and it was time to go.

I'm super thankful to Greg's wife's other husband for letting us take over his flat and quarantine for the first few days of my visit.. but it's so nice to be back in Greg's place, and I've missed hanging out with his wife.

We got back and settled, had some lunch (a sandwich), and then went to pick up his wife from work. We stopped at Lidl on the way home, and then Greg and I prepped dinner while his wife had a therapy call.

After dinner (steak and salad), I got birthday presents and we had a bottle of champagne together.. we watched an episode of HullRaisers and went to bed.

I love these people so much.

Squirrel sightings: 0
Fox sightings: 4 finally!

Post-flight covid test: still negative

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 4

We don't have the car, because Greg's wife and her other husband have it so he can drop her at work.. so we spent the day inside again.

I'm not feeling great, because my back is sore and my hip feels wrong. I think it's the soft bed here, Greg has mentioned that his back is a little sore as well.

We just spent the day chatting and watching some TV in the breaks between him working. We've started watching Inside Man, which I've already seen and he's enjoying. We had sandwiches for lunch, and a poor-man chicken parm for dinner.

I feel strangely home sick? But on reflection I think I'm just missing my bed and being able to relax my body properly.

Squirrel sightings: 0
Fox sightings: 0

Post-flight covid test: negative

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 3

We spent the day at home. Greg had to work, and I had a headache all day. My back is still out of place from the flight, and I think that's making my neck very tense and giving me a headache.

In his work breaks (I try to prompt him to have a 10 minute break every hour, especially when he's working with big sets of data), we watched some TV and chatted.

I've been listening to a podcast by some of the women who work at DropOut, called Erotic Book Club. They read a different erotic book or story each week, and have a couple of guests on to talk about it. The books are bad, the conversation is great!

The episode I listened to today, they had read a book called Phantom Liaison. It contained a chapter where a phantom watches two people having sex, and the podcast then debated if that constituted a "threesome or cuckold".. the debate was hilarious, and led to me positing the same query to Greg. We spent the rest of the day throwing out different hypothetical situations and asking each other whether it's a threesome, and why. It's been fun and funny, and the conversation has just flowed.

I like that about us. We chat really easily.. always have, right from our first phone call that started with us both stating how much we hate phone calls, how it would probably be a really short call but that the length didn't mean anything about how we felt for each other.

We spoke for almost 3 hours that time.

Squirrel sightings: still 0
Fox sightings: still 0

Post-flight covid test: still negative

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 2

We took a trip to Costco, to buy some things in for my visit and to just get out of the house.

I always get anxious when Greg drives here, the roads in Bathurst are super wide and because it's a regional area cars mostly stay back from each other. Here it seems like everyone is tailgating and there are a lot of small differences in the road rules that put me in edge to watch him navigate. He's a good driver, I just find that difficult to remember.

I was going to have a Costco hot dog for lunch (I absolutely love them! And they're different in the UK), but the lines were too much to deal with and we just wanted to come home. On the way we stopped at Sainsbury's to pick up some things for Greg's wife, then he dropped me at the flat and dropped the groceries to her.. the shuffled the car and dropped Greg back here. Then we sorted out lunch (tuna and salad - it was great to eat a salad after flying!), showered, and just hung out for a while. Greg played Moss on the Quest2 while I read and watched him.

Sometimes I just spend time looking at him, because of the novelty of being in the same space again.

We watched some TV. I introduced him to Fargo, and he's enjoying it.. unfortunately it's not a great re-watch, which surprises me.

We headed to be around 10.30pm, and played... there was some edging and a ruined orgasm, and a lot of laughter. I think one of my favourite things about us is how much we laugh during sex.. I've never really gotten to do that with other partners because they assume they're being laughed at, and not laughed with.

We fell asleep listening to the wind.

Squirrel sightings: 0
Fox sightings: 0

Post-flight covid test: still negative

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 1

I woke up around 4am, and we messed around a little.

Greg's been helping test an app that tracks edging sessions, and about a week before I left he mentioned that he was up to 999 edges since his last orgasm. We decided it would be nice to have his 1000th edge together, so when we've been playing we've been "edging edging".. which means he stops before he even gets to an edge, and the idea is to just stay aroused but not really let it go anywhere.

With that in mind, I gave him a long session of really intense oral. We've talked before about how one of my favourite things to do with someone is just give really long slow sessions of oral and tease them for extended periods. Usually I'll have someone bound so they can't push into it or wiggle away, and I get to set the pace of everything and just play with them. Greg and I haven't really done that before, but over the last year or so we've been experimenting with over stimulation for him.. so we got to play around with that a little. I had so much fun, and he mentioned later about how surprised he always is by how much I enjoy just giving blow jobs (hi, service sub.. so, yes!). This was the play session where he gave me those amazing compliments and made those hilarious squeaking noises.

After a while we stopped and slept for a couple more hours before getting up for the day.

We ate breakfast and talked about what we were going to do. We decided to take a trip to Tesco to pick up a few more things we needed.

I enjoy wandering around supermarkets in other countries because I find the little differences in things quite fascinating. I saw gravy sold in a can like soda or beer is at home.

We got home and had lunch (cheese toasties, and ordered in a bubble tea), and watched a couple of episodes of All Creatures Great and Small. I'd watched the couple of seasons on the plane, and Greg has jumped in watching part way through. We're both really enjoying it.

I had a bit of a nap in the afternoon, snuggled up to him while he told me a story and played with my hair. Then we had some dinner (chili over the left over chips from the night before), watched some more TV, and went to bed around 10pm.

Squirrel count: 0
Fox count: 0

Post-flight covid test: negative

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024

DAY 0

I landed around 1.30pm (UK time), and Greg met me at the airport. He messaged me before I through customs to let me know what baggage carousel my luggage would be at and that he was feeling teary and might cry when he saw me.

I grabbed my bags, and met him at the exit gate.. and he immediately took my bags and lead me outside to the car and away from the crowds of people, which was exactly what I needed in that moment. I was tossing up whether to ask if we could stop at a store to buy a drink, and he mentioned that he had different drinks and snacks in the car for me.

We drove back to where we're staying - Greg's wife's other husband's flat. We're not going back to Greg's at the moment because if I have picked up covid during travel we don't want to give it to anyone else.. so we're quarantining for a few days.

When we arrived I got my birthday present (yay!) and cards. He always gets a joke card for me and then a serious one. The joke card had a big "50" on the front when I pulled it out of the envelope, which was actually weirdly confronting to see. I thought I was fine about turning 50, but apparently there's part of my brain that's not happy about it. I got a shower, we had dinner (ordered in fish and chips) and watched some TV, and then went to bed.

#relationship #LongDistance #LongDistanceRelationship #NonMonogamy #UK2024