#interpersonal-relationships — Public Fediverse posts
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DATE: September 10, 2026 at 06:00AM
SOURCE: PSYPOST.ORG** Research quality varies widely from fantastic to small exploratory studies. Please check research methods when conclusions are very important to you. **
-------------------------------------------------TITLE: New psychology research reveals why people tend to hide their successes and share their failures
People often adjust what they share about their own achievements or setbacks based on what their conversation partner has just revealed. New research suggests that these communication choices are driven less by a desire to manage one’s own image and more by an intention to protect the other person’s feelings. This tendency leads people to share mutual failures far more often than mutual successes, published in Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes.
When people spontaneously share their successes or failures, they often do so to shape how others perceive them, such as appearing competent or seeking sympathy. But conversations are usually interactive. Responsive outcome disclosure occurs when an individual learns about a counterpart’s personal outcome and then must decide whether to share their own experience.
“A lot of existing research on disclosure has focused on why people initially choose to share good news or hide bad news, largely through the lens of self-presentation,” Irene Scopelliti, a professor of marketing and behavioral science at Bayes Business School, told PsyPost. “But conversations do not always work that way, because often we are responding after someone else has already told us their news.”
Traditional theories of communication suggest that people tend to match the tone of their conversation partners. According to this idea of reciprocity, a person should be equally likely to reply to a success with their own success as they are to reply to a failure with their own failure. But sharing personal outcomes is a highly emotional process. For instance, a 2019 study found that sharing one’s failures can reduce feelings of malicious envy in observers.
In addition, people often try to protect the feelings of those around them. Research covered by PsyPost in 2021 indicated that people frequently conceal personal information to avoid causing distress to a close conversation partner. Building on this idea, the current research proposes an other-focused framework for responsive disclosure. If a person cares about the feelings of their counterpart, they might actively shape their own disclosures to provide comfort or avoid causing harm.
To investigate this, the research team, led by Emily Prinsloo of Rice University and Scopelliti, tested this concept through nine separate studies. “So we wanted to understand how people navigate these interactions and what we are more likely to disclose when responding to others’ disclosures,” Scopelliti said.
Across the nine experiments, the researchers evaluated the responses of 8,229 participants in various scenarios and live interactions. They tracked whether people chose to reveal their own successes and failures after a counterpart shared theirs.
“These are not tiny statistical effects,” Scopelliti explained. “Across nine studies and more than 8,000 participants, in contexts ranging from job interviews to health outcomes to financial setbacks, we saw large, consistent shifts in disclosure behavior.”
In the first study, 900 online participants imagined receiving the results of a biological age test. Half were told their biological age was seven years younger than their actual age, indicating a positive health outcome, while the other half were told it was seven years older, indicating a negative outcome. They then read a scenario in which a colleague disclosed either a positive health result, a negative health result, or no result. The participants then allocated points to indicate how likely they were to reply by sharing their own outcome.
The results showed a general preference for matching. Participants were generally more likely to share a success if the colleague also had a success, and a failure if the colleague had a failure. But two interesting asymmetries emerged. First, participants were much more likely to disclose matching failures (87 percent) than matching successes (70 percent). Second, when outcomes did not match, participants were more willing to reveal a failure to a successful colleague (54 percent) than a success to a failing colleague (16 percent).
“For example, participants disclosed a failure of their own much more often after hearing about someone else’s failure compared to someone else’s success,” Scopelliti noted. “Across our studies, this was one of the largest and most consistent effects we observed.”
In fact, she pointed out, “In one study, people who had failed were more than twice as inclined to share their failure when the other person had disclosed a failure compared to when the other person had disclosed a success, and even in our most conservative, real-conversation studies, disclosure rates still rose by a third or more.”
To understand the motives behind these choices, the researchers conducted a second study with 812 participants who imagined receiving either a job offer or a rejection. The participants interacted with an acquaintance who also shared a job outcome. The researchers manipulated how much the participant liked the acquaintance.
When participants liked the acquaintance, the asymmetrical disclosure patterns were especially strong. Open-ended responses showed that participants who shared matching failures often did so to help the other person feel better. Those who withheld their successes from a rejected acquaintance often explicitly stated a desire to avoid causing harm. When participants were told they disliked the acquaintance, they cared less about protecting the other person’s feelings, and the asymmetries were noticeably reduced.
A third study involving 801 participants tested whether the topic of the disclosure mattered. Participants were placed in situations where their outcome either matched the topic of their colleague’s disclosure or involved a completely different topic. The tendency to share mutual failures was highest when the topics were exactly the same. When the topics differed, participants were less likely to share a failure in response to a failure. This indicates that people recognize that a completely unrelated negative outcome might feel dismissive or unhelpful to a struggling friend.
“When a friend shares a failure, many of us choose to mention a related failure of our own, not to compete but to offer solidarity,” Scopelliti said.
The researchers also investigated how people adjust the wording of their messages. In two studies, participants wrote open-ended replies after learning about a friend’s successful or unsuccessful financial investments and job applications.
When participants had a success to share but the friend had failed, they wrote longer messages and frequently used apologies to soften the blow. Sometimes they delayed sharing their own positive news until later in the conversation, or they offered words of consolation and help before mentioning their own outcome. A small percentage of participants even engaged in deception, misrepresenting their own success to protect the friend’s feelings.
“When we have succeeded when someone else has not, many of us hold back or soften the news, weighing how it will land rather than worrying about self-interest,” Scopelliti explained. “When we decide what to share about our own lives in these moments, we are often responding more to the other person’s emotional needs than to our own image.”
To test these patterns in real time, the final study paired 946 participants in live, online chat rooms. Participants completed a puzzle task that was secretly manipulated to be either very easy or very difficult, resulting in genuine feelings of success or failure. They were then paired up, and one participant was given a small financial bonus to spontaneously share their outcome in the chat.
The live interactions closely mirrored the hypothetical scenarios. When both individuals failed, 96 percent of the participants chose to share their failure. When both succeeded, only 73 percent shared their success. In mismatched pairs, participants shared failures in response to successes 81 percent of the time, but they only shared successes in response to failures 40 percent of the time. The chat logs also showed frequent use of compensatory apologies and delayed disclosures when participants were better off than their partners.
“Our data suggests that people calibrate what they share to protect the other person’s feelings,” Scopelliti summarized. “So this effect consistently shows up whether people are choosing between pre-written responses, writing their own replies, or having real, live conversations.”
As with all research, there are some caveats to consider. The study mostly involved participants from Western countries, and cultural backgrounds could influence how people handle personal news. In cultures that heavily emphasize social hierarchies or individualism, people might be more willing to share successes or less focused on protecting others from upward comparisons.
There are a few other things to keep in mind regarding the types of outcomes evaluated. The scenarios focused on definitive successes and failures, but everyday life often involves events with varying degrees of intensity. A massive career breakthrough might prompt different disclosure behaviors than a minor daily win.
Additionally, the researchers did not measure whether these well-intentioned communication strategies actually succeed in making the other person feel better. Withholding a success to protect a friend might backfire if the friend later discovers the truth and feels patronized.
“One thing we are eager to look at next is whether these disclosure strategies actually work the way responders intend them to,” Scopelliti told PsyPost. “Our studies show what people choose to share and why, but not how those choices land on the other end.”
Future research could explore how different types of relationships, such as romantic partnerships or rivalries, alter these communication habits. Evaluating how the original discloser reacts to these intentionally crafted responses could also shed light on the long-term relational impacts of hiding positive news. “So the next step is studying both sides of the conversation at once, to examine whether and when these well-intentioned strategies actually achieve their goal, and why,” Scopelliti added.
The study, “Responses to Outcome Disclosure: People Asymmetrically Disclose or Hide Their Outcomes to Protect Others’ Emotions”, was authored by Emily Prinsloo, Irene Scopelliti, George Loewenstein, and Joachim Vosgerau.
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#psychology #counseling #socialwork #psychotherapy @psychotherapist @psychotherapists @psychology @socialpsych @socialwork @psychiatry #mentalhealth #psychiatry #healthcare #depression #psychotherapist #Disclosures #OutcomeDisclosure #SocialPsychology #CommunicationStudies #MutualFailures #SupportiveCommunication #EmotionalSensitivity #InterpersonalRelationships #HealthyConversations #ResearchersShare
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DATE: August 19, 2026 at 11:00PM
SOURCE: PSYPOST.ORG** Research quality varies widely from fantastic to small exploratory studies. Please check research methods when conclusions are very important to you. **
-------------------------------------------------TITLE: People who imagine their future without anyone else in it aren’t loners by nature — new research suggests it’s a learned defense that quietly collapses the moment the imagined future turns stressful
New research published in the Journal of Individual Differences provides evidence that a person’s relationship patterns actively shape how they imagine their own future. The findings suggest that people with high relationship anxiety tend to envision future scenarios filled with social interactions. In contrast, those who avoid closeness tend to imagine futures with fewer interpersonal connections.
Human beings spend a significant portion of their mental lives thinking about things that have not yet happened. Psychologists refer to this ability to mentally simulate personal future events as episodic future thinking. This mental process plays an important role in how people make decisions, regulate their emotions, and behave in everyday situations.
Episodic future thinking is generally recognized as a healthy cognitive habit. It contributes to overall well-being by allowing individuals to anticipate challenges, create effective plans, and manage their emotional responses before an event actually occurs. Because interpersonal relationships make up a massive part of daily life, the degree to which people include social interactions in these mental rehearsals can influence their behavior.
When imagining these future events, people draw heavily on their past social experiences. One major framework for understanding how past experiences shape human behavior is attachment theory. Attachment style refers to the individual differences in how people feel, think, and act within interpersonal relationships.
Scientists often measure attachment style along two specific dimensions known as attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. People with high attachment anxiety often fear abandonment and constantly seek closeness and reassurance from others. Individuals with high attachment avoidance tend to feel uncomfortable with intimacy and prefer to rely solely on themselves.
Most past research on attachment styles has focused on how these traits affect a person’s memory of the past or their experiences in the present moment. Very little attention has been given to how these deeply ingrained relationship habits influence expectations about the future. Fan Yang, an assistant professor at Waseda University, and Ze Zhang, a doctoral student at Okayama University, explained the underlying motivation for the study.
“We often think about attachment as something rooted in the past that affects our present relationships,” Yang and Zhang said. “But people also constantly imagine the future. These imagined possible futures matter because they can shape how people prepare, make decisions, and regulate their emotions.”
The researchers noted a gap in the scientific literature regarding interpersonal expectations. “What we wanted to know was whether those past relationship experiences also shape how people picture their future, especially whether they imagine future events as involving other people, support, closeness, or distance,” Yang and Zhang explained.
To test these ideas, the researchers conducted two separate studies. The first study involved 155 participants who were recruited through Chinese social networking platforms. The sample consisted of 129 females and 26 males, with an average age of about 22 years.
First, the participants completed a well-established questionnaire designed to measure their levels of attachment anxiety and attachment avoidance. The scientists then asked each person to complete five distinct episodic future thinking tasks.
For each task, participants had to imagine a realistic and plausible future event that could happen in their personal lives. The instructions required them to picture highly specific details, such as the exact time and location of the event. The imagined scenario needed to last anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, but no longer than a single day.
The researchers also instructed the participants to come up with completely new events rather than repeating daily routines or past experiences. They were given at least thirty seconds to mentally simulate each scenario. Afterward, the participants rated how strongly the imagined event related to interpersonal relationships on a seven-point scale.
The data revealed a distinct pattern based on attachment styles. As expected, attachment anxiety positively predicted the amount of interpersonal content in the imagined future scenarios. This means that as a person’s level of relationship anxiety increased, they tended to imagine more future events involving other people.
On the other hand, attachment avoidance negatively predicted this relevance. Participants with higher levels of avoidance tended to mentally simulate future events that had very little to do with interpersonal relationships. These findings provided initial evidence that attachment traits manifest when people daydream about the future.
Following these initial findings, the scientists designed a second study to see if stress would alter this dynamic. According to attachment theory, relationship behaviors are typically activated under conditions of threat or stress. The researchers wanted to observe how episodic future thinking might change when participants imagined stressful events compared to nonstressful ones.
The second study involved 67 Japanese university students, including 50 females, 14 males, and three individuals who identified as other. Their average age was about 20 years. Similar to the first study, participants filled out a questionnaire to measure their attachment styles before moving on to the imagination tasks.
In this phase, the researchers used a within-person design, meaning every participant completed both the nonstressful and stressful tasks. First, the participants were instructed to imagine five potential personal future events that were entirely nonstressful. They followed the same strict guidelines regarding specificity and realism used in the first study.
After completing the nonstressful simulations, the participants imagined five stressful future events. The scientists purposely had everyone complete the nonstressful tasks first to prevent the negative emotions of the stressful scenarios from lingering and affecting the neutral tasks.
Following each mental simulation, participants rated how much the event involved interpersonal relationships. They also rated the extent to which they felt positive or negative emotions about the imagined scenario. This emotional rating allowed the authors to verify that the stressful tasks actually elicited more negative feelings than the nonstressful tasks.
When the researchers analyzed the data, they found that attachment anxiety continued to predict more interpersonal content across both conditions. Anxiously attached individuals consistently included other people in their future simulations, whether they were imagining a relaxing day or a highly stressful situation.
For avoidantly attached individuals, the patterns shifted depending on the emotional tone of the imagined event. During the nonstressful tasks, higher attachment avoidance predicted less interpersonal content, matching the findings of the first study. However, during the stressful tasks, attachment avoidance had no significant effect on whether the scenario involved other people.
The authors suggest this shift occurs because avoidant individuals can easily suppress their need for social connection when they feel safe and relaxed. When imagining a stressful situation, keeping up that emotional defense requires more cognitive effort. Under the mental load of a stressful scenario, their natural inclination to avoid relying on others may become harder to maintain.
“Our findings suggest that how we imagine the future may reflect our relationship patterns,” Yang and Zhang told PsyPost. “People who worry more about relationships may picture the future as more interpersonal, whether the imagined event is stressful or not. In contrast, people who tend to avoid closeness may imagine fewer social elements in ordinary, nonstressful future events, but this tendency becomes weaker when they imagine stressful situations.”
This dynamic provides a new perspective on how relationship history impacts our daily lives. “In everyday life, this means our past relationship experiences may shape not only how we relate to others now, but also how we expect support, closeness, or distance in what probably comes next,” Yang and Zhang explained.
While these studies provide new insights into how we think about the future, the research does have some limitations. One notable issue is the demographic makeup of the samples. Both studies primarily relied on young, female university students from Eastern countries.
Because relationship dynamics and social expectations can vary widely across different cultures and age groups, these findings might not apply to the broader global population. Research suggests that gender identity can influence the emotional intensity of future-oriented thinking. This means a more balanced sample of men and women is needed to confirm these patterns.
The authors also cautioned against reading too deeply into the results without considering the context. “One important caveat is that our findings do not mean attachment style rigidly determines how people imagine the future,” Yang and Zhang noted. “Our studies were based mainly on university student samples, so future research should test whether the same patterns appear in more diverse populations.”
They also emphasized that there is no right or wrong way to imagine the future. “Our findings should not be interpreted as saying that relationship-focused future thinking is always good or that less interpersonal future thinking is always bad,” the researchers said. “Rather, they show that attachment patterns may influence which aspects of possible future events become more or less salient when people imagine what may happen to them.”
Another limitation involves the controlled experimental setting. Asking participants to generate future thoughts on command in a laboratory context might not perfectly capture how people spontaneously daydream in their everyday lives. To get a more accurate picture, future research could use mobile technology to survey people about their future-oriented thoughts as they naturally occur throughout the day.
The design of the tasks also introduces the possibility of a demand effect. In both studies, participants rated how much their imagined event related to relationships immediately after their first task. Doing this might have unintentionally prompted them to focus on social connections during the subsequent four tasks.
Additionally, the fixed order of the tasks in the second study presents a potential problem. Because all participants completed the nonstressful tasks before the stressful ones, the initial tasks might have influenced how they responded to the later ones. Future studies could address this by randomizing the order of the tasks or giving participants a break between conditions to reset their minds.
The authors also noted that the second study had a relatively small sample size and was not preregistered. This means the findings from the second study should be treated as preliminary. The researchers did not account for other psychological factors, such as general anxiety levels or personality traits, which could also influence how a person envisions their future.
Moving forward, the scientists plan to explore these concepts in more naturalistic settings. “Our next step is to look more closely at how people think about the future in everyday life,” Yang and Zhang said. “The future is not just something that happens later; the way we imagine it may already shape how we feel, make decisions, and relate to others now.”
They plan to investigate how mental time travel differs depending on whether a person is looking forward or backward. “One interesting question is that imagining the future often draws on past experiences, but the future also has a unique quality: it has not happened yet, but it might,” the authors explained.
This distinction could have important implications for psychological health. “We want to examine whether this ‘possible but not yet real’ quality makes imagining the future different from remembering the past in how it affects mental health and well-being,” Yang and Zhang said. “In other words, are remembering the past and imagining the future psychologically similar processes, or do they serve different functions?”
The authors have broad goals for this expanding area of study. “More broadly, we hope to understand why some people look ahead with confidence, while others feel worry, uncertainty, or anxiety,” they noted. “In particular, Ze Zhang will continue this line of work by focusing on topics such as future anxiety.”
The study, “The Influence of Attachment Style on the Extent to Which the Content of Episodic Future Thinking Relates to Interpersonal Relationships,” was authored by Fan Yang, Ze Zhang, Nanami Sawada, and Atsushi Oshio.
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#psychology #counseling #socialwork #psychotherapy @psychotherapist @psychotherapists @psychology @socialpsych @socialwork @psychiatry #mentalhealth #psychiatry #healthcare #depression #psychotherapist #EpisodicFutureThinking #AttachmentTheory #FutureForecasting #InterpersonalRelationships #AnxietyInRelationships #AvoidantAttachment #SocialConnections #FutureOrientation #PsychologyResearch #MentalTimeTravel
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New Couple Blissfully Unaware Relationship Won’t Survive First Game Night
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As near I can tell, a lot of us have a self identity in which we're not needing close relationships with others.
I suspect we misunderstand ourselves a whole lot.
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CW: marriage
Went and saw Midwinter Break.
It's a small tale.
Set in the present.
The acting, dialogue and camerawork are so good that they were pretty much invisible to me.If you're doing, or have done, marriage then I'm interested in what you feel about the movie and the subjects raised.
"What of the subjects raised are most important in your view?"
#Marriage #InterpersonalRelationships #Friendships #MidwinterBreakMovie
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@GreenRoc @wdlindsy
I'm not clear there is much love and compassion within the circles of Trump's Administration, if love is considering the current and future welfare of another and weighting that strongly when choosing an action.AIUI transactional relationships, which seem the norm around Trump, don't consider the future welfare of the other party in the deal.
#USPol #InterpersonalRelationships #TransactionalRelationships #Love
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Hello to new followers! Just so you know - these are my top things to toot about/things I'm passionate about:
- #HumanRights
- #Cats
- #Environmentalism
- #SocialJustice
- #EcoJustice
- #DisabilityRights
- #StopRacism
- #misogyny
- #CancelBillionaires
- #DisbandRCMPCIRG
- #DefundRCMP
- #CorporateGreed
- #Equity & #FairWages
- #Geopolitics
- #CPTSD #PTSD & #AdultADHD
- #Trauma #Recovery #InterpersonalRelationships
- #Art & #Music
- #Psychology & #neuroscienceThis is my nutshell quickie.
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Book recommendations
https://embrace-autism.com/book-recommendations/
#Interpersonalrelationships #Neurodiversitymovement #Non-binarygender #Autismawareness #Autisminfemales #Neurodivergence #Neurodivergent #Neurodiversity #Transgenderism #Autisticwomen #Relationships #Camouflaging #Adultautism #Literature #Resources #Masking #Books #LGBTQ -
It’s not BPD; it’s autism
https://embrace-autism.com/its-not-bpd-its-autism/
#Borderlinepersonalitydisorder(BPD) #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Interpersonalrelationships #Emotionaldysregulation #Personalitydisorders #Emotionalreactivity #Sensorysensitivity #Socialintelligence #Emotionregulation #Psychometrictest #Specialinterests #Suicidalideation #Childhoodtrauma #Autisticwomen #Co-occurrence #Meta-analysis #Self-identity #WilliamMandy #Abandonment #Suicidality #Socialcues #LauraHull