#intenseworldtheory — Public Fediverse posts

I studied modern dance and #ballet when I was in my teens and 20s. I was drawn to it as an abstract art form. I was quite good... alas, I moved on from it lacking support. I was #autistic... no one knew I needed encouragement, no one knew that even though I was told a thousand fucking times by accomplished dancers and teachers that I was really, really good, I didn't believe it, but said nothing. I walked away from it.

I internalized everything. Held it all silently inside. But I was focused like a laser, unrelenting, practicing, practicing, practicing, beyond everyone else in our Hollywood studio in the Los Angeles area.

I would wake up at night doing plié exercises and leg extensions. I literally did ballet in my sleep.

For me it was a world of autistic "stim" every day, all week long, all month long. Heaven. It was ritual, routine, special interest, and hyper-focus all wrapped into one activity.

I tragically and so regretfully have no photos. When my teacher offered his students photos from one of our performances, which showed me flying through the air, my #hypermobile feet perfectly pointed, legs extended, all in perfect form, I rather cryptically, stoically and autistically declined. Who needs photos? There will be more photos on another day.

Part 1 of 2.

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#intenseworldtheory