Maradona in a Fur Coat: Great Books That Never Were 🧥
Madonna in a Fur Coat is a 1943 literary classic by Sbahattin Ali. A beautiful story of unrequited love. However, did you know the 1993 semi-autobiographical book Maradona in a Fur Coat is nowhere near as good?
Written to promote the football (soccer) legend Diego Maradona, the work was panned by literary scholars as “superfluous” (unnecessary), panned by angry football fans whom promptly went on nationwide drunken football hooligan riots. But… is it worth reading? Let’s find out!
The Anti-Football RAGE of Maradona in a Fur Coat
“Life is a game that is only played once, and I lost. But… at least I had my fur coat (and drugs).”
Maradona in a Fur Coat is set in 19th century England where Lord Diego Maradona is a wealthy socialite business owner whom pays his workers way below minimum wage. He’s noted for his fur coat (understandably) and takes a dim view on the formation of the Football Association in 1863.
Indeed, Diego Maradona detests football and seeks to use his influence and wealth to ban the sport and have it replaced by a nice game of upper-class checkers.
However, his pursuit of the ban is halted when a beautiful upper-class socialite called Lady Dorothy Penelope Mistress Machine III enters his life.
“I took her hands in mine and kissed them. Most probably tears were welling up in my eyes (either that or it was sweat from my brow due to all the drugs). For a moment she came closer, almost close enough to embrace. Seeing the warm glow in her eyes, I thought my heart might stop. Indeed, it did for but a moment (because of all the drugs). Haven was only centimetres away.”
Within hours the pair are married and Lord Maradona details his plans for them to have 13 children, all of whom will be boys, all of whom will take variations of the name Diego Maradona (Deigo Maradona, as an example).
The rest of the book descends into a boring love story, with long chapters detailing his business exploits, with barely any mentions of football, Argentina, or the Hand of God. These missing elements led to the work being a critical and commercial failure, which had a smidgen of an impact on the real Maradona’s vast fortune.
The Drunken Football Hooligan Reading Riots of 1993
Many football hooligans attempted to read the book, but were appalled to find its anti-football sentiments and tedious love story. Fans had gathered for the book’s launch in Oxford Circus of London, August of 1993, and spent the morning drinking beer and reading through the first few chapters.
However, once the nature of the work became apparent the mood turned ugly.
By 2pm, Oxford Circus was a frenzy of drunken football hooligan rioting. Torn pages of the work fluttered upon the wind in their thousands, creating a beautiful silhouette to the backdrop of bald, overweight, middle-aged men with sunburn beating the living shite out of each other.
Eventually, riot police were called in and used water cannons to blast the angry mob into submission. However, of the angry drunken mob zero arrests were made, although 13 pensioners were arrested for “staring in disbelief” at the chaos and received 10 year hard labour prison sentences (each).
Diego Maradona refused to comment on the mayhem his book had caused. However, his ghost writer did release an official statement, using a different ghost writer to write the statement, in which the first ghost writer disowned the book and admitted writing it was a “mistake”.
Drunken football fans ultimately rounded on the ghost writer’s ghost writer, throwing bricks through the individual’s window and posting dog poo through the letterbox. A glowing testament to the maturity and even-handed emotions of football hooligans.
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