#estateagents — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #estateagents, aggregated by home.social.
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Prison Cell to Let: The Ultimate in Brutalist Micro-Suites 🚓
Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. is utterly shit your pants delighted to announce our latest property on the market. Located in Preston city centre in an active prison, this gated community prison cell to rent is a delight from top to bottom.
Live out your Shawshank Redemption fantasies at competitive monthly rates, with a “lively” community of convicts right on your doorstep. Book your viewing today! This prison cell won’t be on the market for long.
The Slab & Iron Suite: Luxury Prison Cell Living Done Right
- Only £2,800 p/m
- NO BILLS INCLUDED
- NO PETS
- Full-service meal plan funded by public taxes
- Open-concept bathing for nudist enthusiasts
- Industrial floor-to-ceiling iron accents for in-cell security
- Biometric security from 24/7 on-site guards
- Curated social network of convicted criminals
The lease for this property is available immediately, but includes a No-Early Termination clause. This clause is strictly enforced by the state and is non-negotiable until the tenant has served a 5-10 year sentence.
Tenants concerned about the lack of privacy should remember we live in a society dominated by CCTV security recordings and 24/7 rolling social media feeds. Thus… what even truly is privacy in this day and age? Think about it.
With a cost-effective rent of a mere £2,8000 p/m remember this is all-inclusive of uniforms and orange couture provided by the state. You will also have a solitary bed to yourself, a sink, and a “shitter” (as the inmates call them) for your personal ablution needs.
For leisure activities and exercise, tenants are welcome to a one-hour daily window using The Yard. This is a 15ft by 15ft concrete exercise area with an armed guard watching over your every move.
As for commuting to your daily job, you’re allowed to do this but must be strip searched on leaving/entering the property to ensure you don’t have:
- Drugs
- Weapons
- Bubble gum
If you’re found, in particular, to have any brand of bubble gum this’ll be taken out back and detonated with Semtex.
Please note, you must also wear your prisoner uniform in and around your day/job to confirm your status as a prisoner/tenant. This does mean some police officers out on the police may mistake you for an escaped convict and taser you to the ground while your scream like a big girl.
Former Tenant Testimonial
#Business #Capitalism #estateAgents #Home #Humor #renting #Satire #satirical #Silly #tenant“I’m Derek and I moved into Cell 402 in May 2022. During my wonderful stay in this prison cell I made many friends, was stabbed 25 times in 24 months by inmates, and was even headbutted by a guard! Other than that, there are few distractions other than a window, plus free Wi-Fi access that’s restricted to 30 minutes a day for ‘educational time’ and I wasn’t allowed to access pornography, which made me heavily repressed and a little weird tbh. Oh yeah, I had to move out of the property in April 2026 because I headbutted a guard and will now be serving a six-month prison sentence in Cell 502 one floor up. We’ll be neighbours!” Prisoner 839201, former Brand Manager for Violent Vaping Enterprises Ltd.
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Prison Cell to Let: The Ultimate in Brutalist Micro-Suites 🚓
Real Estate Bastard Enterprises Ltd. is utterly shit your pants delighted to announce our latest property on the market. Located in Preston city centre in an active prison, this gated community prison cell to rent is a delight from top to bottom.
Live out your Shawshank Redemption fantasies at competitive monthly rates, with a “lively” community of convicts right on your doorstep. Book your viewing today! This prison cell won’t be on the market for long.
The Slab & Iron Suite: Luxury Prison Cell Living Done Right
- Only £2,800 p/m
- NO BILLS INCLUDED
- NO PETS
- Full-service meal plan funded by public taxes
- Open-concept bathing for nudist enthusiasts
- Industrial floor-to-ceiling iron accents for in-cell security
- Biometric security from 24/7 on-site guards
- Curated social network of convicted criminals
The lease for this property is available immediately, but includes a No-Early Termination clause. This clause is strictly enforced by the state and is non-negotiable until the tenant has served a 5-10 year sentence.
Tenants concerned about the lack of privacy should remember we live in a society dominated by CCTV security recordings and 24/7 rolling social media feeds. Thus… what even truly is privacy in this day and age? Think about it.
With a cost-effective rent of a mere £2,8000 p/m remember this is all-inclusive of uniforms and orange couture provided by the state. You will also have a solitary bed to yourself, a sink, and a “shitter” (as the inmates call them) for your personal ablution needs.
For leisure activities and exercise, tenants are welcome to a one-hour daily window using The Yard. This is a 15ft by 15ft concrete exercise area with an armed guard watching over your every move.
As for commuting to your daily job, you’re allowed to do this but must be strip searched on leaving/entering the property to ensure you don’t have:
- Drugs
- Weapons
- Bubble gum
If you’re found, in particular, to have any brand of bubble gum this’ll be taken out back and detonated with Semtex.
Please note, you must also wear your prisoner uniform in and around your day/job to confirm your status as a prisoner/tenant. This does mean some police officers out on the police may mistake you for an escaped convict and taser you to the ground while your scream like a big girl.
Former Tenant Testimonial
#Business #Capitalism #estateAgents #Home #Humor #renting #Satire #satirical #Silly #tenant“I’m Derek and I moved into Cell 402 in May 2022. During my wonderful stay in this prison cell I made many friends, was stabbed 25 times in 24 months by inmates, and was even headbutted by a guard! Other than that, there are few distractions other than a window, plus free Wi-Fi access that’s restricted to 30 minutes a day for ‘educational time’ and I wasn’t allowed to access pornography, which made me heavily repressed and a little weird tbh. Oh yeah, I had to move out of the property in April 2026 because I headbutted a guard and will now be serving a six-month prison sentence in Cell 502 one floor up. We’ll be neighbours!” Prisoner 839201, former Brand Manager for Violent Vaping Enterprises Ltd.
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Savills reshuffles senior staff across London and Cotswolds
Savills has appointed Ben Hunt as head of its Brook Green office in west London, while Paul Christian…
#London #UnitedKingdom #UK #GB #England #Headlines #News #Europe #EU #Appointments #BradleyHall #Britain #Cirencester #EstateAgents #GreatBritain #london #Savills #Yorkshire
https://www.europesays.com/uk/943118/ -
https://www.europesays.com/uk/943118/ Savills reshuffles senior staff across London and Cotswolds #Appointments #BradleyHall #Britain #Cirencester #England #EstateAgents #GreatBritain #london #Savills #UK #UnitedKingdom #Yorkshire
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Home with ‘substantial’ landscaped garden and stream on sale https://www.allforgardening.com/1720098/home-with-substantial-landscaped-garden-and-stream-on-sale/ #EstateAgents #garden #LandscapedGarden #RearGarden #RedBeckVale
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Home with ‘substantial’ landscaped garden and stream on sale https://www.allforgardening.com/1720098/home-with-substantial-landscaped-garden-and-stream-on-sale/ #EstateAgents #garden #LandscapedGarden #RearGarden #RedBeckVale
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https://www.europesays.com/britain/15519/ Why London prime properties have taken the biggest hit in a decade #Belgravia #Budget2025 #Business #EstateAgents #Kensington #London #LondonMansions #LondonPrimeProperty #LondonPrimePropertyMarket #LondonProperty #LuxuryProperty #LuxuryPropertyLondon #mansions #Mayfair #News #NonDoms #PrimeProperty #Property
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https://www.europesays.com/lu/2158/ eXp Realty launches into Luxembourg #EstateAgents #EXpRealty #KarimLayouni #Luxembourg #RE/MAX
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Agency shuts offices outside London at short notice
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#UnitedKingdom #UK #Europe #EU #EstateAgents #GreatBritain #LettingAgents #London #RegionalInsights
https://www.europesays.com/2808790/ -
Agency shuts offices outside London at short notice
The Chase Buchanan agency appears to have closed at least some – and possibly all – of its…
#London #UnitedKingdom #UK #GB #England #Headlines #News #Europe #EU #Britain #EstateAgents #GreatBritain #LettingAgents #london #RegionalInsights
https://www.europesays.com/uk/791500/ -
https://www.europesays.com/uk/791500/ Agency shuts offices outside London at short notice #Britain #England #EstateAgents #GreatBritain #LettingAgents #london #RegionalInsights #UK #UnitedKingdom
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The derelict McCarthy’s Garage as it was in 2021 in Schull, Co Cork. The building today is very different, but it’s still pink! I have a few photos of the old petrol pumps that stood outside the building somewhere on this site, going further back in time.
The slate roof visible on the McCarthy’s building is typical of traditional Irish architecture. Irish slate was quarried extensively in counties like Valentia Island in Kerry and was prized for its durability and weather resistance, often lasting well over 100 years when properly maintained, which explains why so many original slate roofs still grace Irish buildings today.
Apertureƒ/4CameraILCE-7M3Focal length16mmISO160Shutter speed1/500s#Cork #CountyCork #DNG #estateAgents #Ireland #IrishArchitecture #McCarthyS #Photo #Photography #pinkBuilding #Schull #ShellServiceStation #soldProperty #StreetPhotography #terracedHouses
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The derelict McCarthy’s Garage as it was in 2021 in Schull, Co Cork. The building today is very different, but it’s still pink! I have a few photos of the old petrol pumps that stood outside the building somewhere on this site, going further back in time.
The slate roof visible on the McCarthy’s building is typical of traditional Irish architecture. Irish slate was quarried extensively in counties like Valentia Island in Kerry and was prized for its durability and weather resistance, often lasting well over 100 years when properly maintained, which explains why so many original slate roofs still grace Irish buildings today.
Apertureƒ/4CameraILCE-7M3Focal length16mmISO160Shutter speed1/500s#Cork #CountyCork #DNG #estateAgents #Ireland #IrishArchitecture #McCarthyS #Photo #Photography #pinkBuilding #Schull #ShellServiceStation #soldProperty #StreetPhotography #terracedHouses
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The derelict McCarthy’s Garage as it was in 2021 in Schull, Co Cork. The building today is very different, but it’s still pink! I have a few photos of the old petrol pumps that stood outside the building somewhere on this site, going further back in time.
The slate roof visible on the McCarthy’s building is typical of traditional Irish architecture. Irish slate was quarried extensively in counties like Valentia Island in Kerry and was prized for its durability and weather resistance, often lasting well over 100 years when properly maintained, which explains why so many original slate roofs still grace Irish buildings today.
Apertureƒ/4CameraILCE-7M3Focal length16mmISO160Shutter speed1/500s#Cork #CountyCork #DNG #estateAgents #Ireland #IrishArchitecture #McCarthyS #Photo #Photography #pinkBuilding #Schull #ShellServiceStation #soldProperty #StreetPhotography #terracedHouses
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The derelict McCarthy’s Garage as it was in 2021 in Schull, Co Cork. The building today is very different, but it’s still pink! I have a few photos of the old petrol pumps that stood outside the building somewhere on this site, going further back in time.
The slate roof visible on the McCarthy’s building is typical of traditional Irish architecture. Irish slate was quarried extensively in counties like Valentia Island in Kerry and was prized for its durability and weather resistance, often lasting well over 100 years when properly maintained, which explains why so many original slate roofs still grace Irish buildings today.
Apertureƒ/4CameraILCE-7M3Focal length16mmISO160Shutter speed1/500s#Cork #CountyCork #DNG #estateAgents #Ireland #IrishArchitecture #McCarthyS #Photo #Photography #pinkBuilding #Schull #ShellServiceStation #soldProperty #StreetPhotography #terracedHouses
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Woman on benefits fears becoming homeless as estate agents block her viewings - Opera News Official
http://opr.news/1a738991240714en_gb?link=1&client=mini#Benefits
#Housing
#PrivateRentalSector
#Renting
#Homelessness
#Homeless
#Section21Evictions
#ViewingPropertiesForRent
#EstateAgents -
Woman on benefits fears becoming homeless as estate agents block her viewings - Opera News Official
http://opr.news/1a738991240714en_gb?link=1&client=mini#Benefits
#Housing
#PrivateRentalSector
#Renting
#Homelessness
#Homeless
#Section21Evictions
#ViewingPropertiesForRent
#EstateAgents -
Woman on benefits fears becoming homeless as estate agents block her viewings - Opera News Official
http://opr.news/1a738991240714en_gb?link=1&client=mini#Benefits
#Housing
#PrivateRentalSector
#Renting
#Homelessness
#Homeless
#Section21Evictions
#ViewingPropertiesForRent
#EstateAgents -
Woman on benefits fears becoming homeless as estate agents block her viewings - Opera News Official
http://opr.news/1a738991240714en_gb?link=1&client=mini#Benefits
#Housing
#PrivateRentalSector
#Renting
#Homelessness
#Homeless
#Section21Evictions
#ViewingPropertiesForRent
#EstateAgents -
Woman on benefits fears becoming homeless as estate agents block her viewings - Opera News Official
http://opr.news/1a738991240714en_gb?link=1&client=mini#Benefits
#Housing
#PrivateRentalSector
#Renting
#Homelessness
#Homeless
#Section21Evictions
#ViewingPropertiesForRent
#EstateAgents -
Brendan Thomas, head of Australia's financial crimes watchdog #Austrac, stated that current laws make #Australia appealing for #criminals to store their wealth. Speaking at the National Press Club on Tuesday, Thomas highlighted upcoming reforms requiring real #estateagents, lawyers, and accountants to report suspicious activity. The government plans to introduce this legislation by the end of the year. Notably, Australia, along with the US, China, Russia, and Haiti, has yet to enact these laws. #moneylaundering
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Brendan Thomas, head of Australia's financial crimes watchdog #Austrac, stated that current laws make #Australia appealing for #criminals to store their wealth. Speaking at the National Press Club on Tuesday, Thomas highlighted upcoming reforms requiring real #estateagents, lawyers, and accountants to report suspicious activity. The government plans to introduce this legislation by the end of the year. Notably, Australia, along with the US, China, Russia, and Haiti, has yet to enact these laws. #moneylaundering
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Brendan Thomas, head of Australia's financial crimes watchdog #Austrac, stated that current laws make #Australia appealing for #criminals to store their wealth. Speaking at the National Press Club on Tuesday, Thomas highlighted upcoming reforms requiring real #estateagents, lawyers, and accountants to report suspicious activity. The government plans to introduce this legislation by the end of the year. Notably, Australia, along with the US, China, Russia, and Haiti, has yet to enact these laws. #moneylaundering
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Brendan Thomas, head of Australia's financial crimes watchdog #Austrac, stated that current laws make #Australia appealing for #criminals to store their wealth. Speaking at the National Press Club on Tuesday, Thomas highlighted upcoming reforms requiring real #estateagents, lawyers, and accountants to report suspicious activity. The government plans to introduce this legislation by the end of the year. Notably, Australia, along with the US, China, Russia, and Haiti, has yet to enact these laws. #moneylaundering
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Brendan Thomas, head of Australia's financial crimes watchdog #Austrac, stated that current laws make #Australia appealing for #criminals to store their wealth. Speaking at the National Press Club on Tuesday, Thomas highlighted upcoming reforms requiring real #estateagents, lawyers, and accountants to report suspicious activity. The government plans to introduce this legislation by the end of the year. Notably, Australia, along with the US, China, Russia, and Haiti, has yet to enact these laws. #moneylaundering
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I'm #TheSame; but with #EstateAgents / #Realtors... | #OverReactionForFun
🧙:Polymaths:🤖:wolfparty:🤖:Polymaths:🧙 | :fediverse:🦹:halflife:🦄:halflife:🦹:fediverse:
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Anecdotal evidence suggests that in the #housing market increasingly cash is king:
It seems, partly driven by the difficulty of getting a #mortgage in the first pace, but also by mortgage lenders increasingly pessimistic valuations (sometimes coming in well below the offer price), vendors (encouraged by #EstateAgents) are giving preference to cash buyers...
Yet one more way the #housingcrisis is consolidating #inequality & the flow of assets to the cash-rich; for the rest #rental hell beckons
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#EstateAgents are a classic intermediary #business (you'll recall in the early days of the #internet we were told 'dis-intermediation' was the future trend; it wasn't), so perhaps we shouldn't be surprised that many are expanding their work in the rental sector were #rents are high enough for them to extract their fees & charges.... no wonder rental charges are going up if they're supporting a whole class of intermediaries....
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One of the best things to come from the fall in house prices will be the reduced profits of estate agents. These grifters have been living on easy street for decades with revenues growing on the back of soaring house prices and profitability rises from increased automation. What on earth do they do beyond look gormless? Good riddance to them one and all. Of course the filthy #Tories have done nothing to solve.
#economy #estateagents #ripoffbritain #gtto -
Its always a little difficult to figure out exactly what is going on in the #housing market in the short-term, but a lot of weight is put on the lead-indicator of #estateagents' data on pricing of properties put on the market...
However, this data is not all that it could be: over half of residences sold for less than their asking price in 2022, rising to around 70% of properties prices at over £500k, which tells us that Estate Agents' pricing is not the whole picture by any means!