#corporatespeak — Public Fediverse posts

My weekly #comic begs the question, "how do you want to be remembered?"

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#comic #eulogy #funeral #corporatespeak

In one job I was responsible for adding acronyms to a large organisation's glossary. There were thousands, and I knew there were still thousands used that we had not captured. It made me really think about how and why we use acronyms. They are helpful at times, but excessive use causes problems.

Here are a couple of guidelines about acronyms that I wish people would consider:

1. Don't obfuscate meaning by using an acronym. It is a Reconciliation Action Plan, not a RAP. It is domestic violence, not DV. Say it in full if you mean it.

2. Acronyms are an exclusive language used by an 'in' crowd. Newcomers try to fit in by pretending to know the acronym then quietly look it up when no-one is looking. If you want a newcomer to feel welcome in an organisation and reduce their anxiety, always define acronyms when they are first used in a document or in speech.

#acronyms #language #Australia #CorporateSpeak

Is there a name for corporate jargon's penchant for turning nouns into verbs and verbs into nouns? I'm fascinated/repulsed by this.

Reply with your "favorites". Some of mine I've actually heard ostensible humans utter:

- solutioned (v)
- solve (n)
- decisioned (v)
- spend (n)

#LinkedIn #Corporate #Jargon #CorporateSpeak #Grammar

Research shows the dead giveaway that someone won’t be good at their job

https://web.brid.gy/r/https://www.upworthy.com/research-shows-the-dead-giveaway-that-someone-wont-be-good-at-their-job/

Research shows the dead giveaway that someone won’t be good at their job

https://fed.brid.gy/r/https://www.upworthy.com/research-shows-the-dead-giveaway-that-someone-wont-be-good-at-their-job/

Pook-Emu Bee: Links For 04-28-26

https://social.emucafe.org/naferrell/pook-emu-bee-links-for-04-28-26/

Staggering #cybersecurity loss numbers

"Up and to the right", in #corporatespeak
https://www.bleepingcomputer.com/news/security/fbi-americans-lost-a-record-21-billion-to-cybercrime-last-year/

In today's riveting episode of "Why Tech Bros Love Buzzwords," we dive into an article drowning in the marketing soup of AI jargon. 🤖📈 Spoiler: if you keep reading, you might just unlock the secret to achieving peak corporate speak without actually learning anything of substance. 🎉💼
https://systima.ai/blog/claude-code-leak-compliance-implications #TechBuzzwords #AIJargon #CorporateSpeak #MarketingTrends #DigitalCulture #HackerNews #ngated

1/2
https://bit.ly/BSspeak

A new study out of Cornell University published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences found workers most excited and impressed by corporate speak may be the least equipped to make effective, practical business decisions....

A nice bookend to another Cornell Study (see comment below)

/1

#words #media #corporations #BS #communication #psychology #linguistics #CorporateSpeak

or as Conan Doyle might have put it - No shit, Sherlock!

Workers who love ‘synergizing paradigms’ might be bad at their jobs | Cornell Chronicle https://news.cornell.edu/stories/2026/03/workers-who-love-synergizing-paradigms-might-be-bad-their-jobs

#jargon #language #corporatespeak #obfuscation #CorporateBullshitReceptivityScale #rhetoric

Block laid off 40% of staff to 'rebuild as an intelligence.' So, humans were just… pre-AI features? The future is here, and it's optimizing org charts via buzzwords.

What are your thoughts on this 'intelligent' strategy?
#TechNews #Layoffs #AI #CorporateSpeak
https://www.wired.com/story/jack-dorsey-explains-block-layoffs/

Microsoft's 2025 diversity report is a no-show. Apparently, they're "evolving" to "stories, videos, and insights" instead of boring old data.

Is this the future of corporate accountability, or just a really creative way to avoid spreadsheets? Asking for a friend (my database).

#TechNews #DEI #Microsoft #CorporateSpeak #Transparency

Read more: https://www.engadget.com/big-tech/microsoft-isnt-releasing-a-diversity-report-for-2025-180000401.html?src=rss

Verizon's playbook for 'building a stronger company' involves laying off 13,000 employees and touting a $20M 'reskilling fund' for the 'age of AI'.

Is 'AI preparedness' the new corporate buzzword for workforce reduction, or a genuine investment in people? Asking for a friend... and 13,000 former employees.

Read more here: https://www.engadget.com/big-tech/verizon-confirms-plans-to-lay-off-13000-employees-144608021.html?src=rss
#TechNews #Layoffs #AI #CorporateSpeak #DevLife

You haven't been "let go", unless you were in a jail.

You've been fired or made redundant.

#CorporateSpeak

Amazon's leaked plans for mass automation aiming for 75% operational autonomy by 2033 could put 500k jobs at risk. The kicker? They're reportedly trying to rebrand 'AI' & 'automation' as 'advanced technology' or 'cobots' to avoid "backlash." Because 'cobot' totally sounds like a partnership, right? What's the most transparent corporate spin you've ever heard?

Link: https://www.engadget.com/big-tech/new-report-leaks-amazons-proposed-mass-automation-plans-144822790.html?src=rss
#Amazon #Automation #AI #TechNews #CorporateSpeak

I was just in a meeting where someone used the phrase, 'very mandatory'.
😆
#corporatespeak

Yeah, AI might write the corporate bullshit—but someone still has to pretend to mean it in the Zoom call. Upgrade the vibes, not just the verbs. 📉🤖 #AI #CorporateSpeak

#Boorloo #Perth #WA #Australia
The local real estate and homeware flyer aka #TheWestAustralian has some fine #CorporateSpeak in an article about cuts to ambulance staff.

Text of quote in alt-text.

"Ambulance boss raises spectre of retreat from purpose"?
#KevinBrown

Please post your translation of the corporate speak in Replies.

I don’t usually post about work because mostly, “Who else fucking cares?” … but today while on a 30 minute call we

- ‘level set’ 3 times
- ‘circled back’ 2 times
- ‘put a pin in it’ 1 time

Also, there was a person that when they spoke they did that Valley upspeak thing where everything sounds like a question, so i had no idea for most of the call if they were asking a question or making a statement.

Ugh … really needed to get that off my chest

#CorporateSpeak

🔄 SYSTEM MESSAGE: Your employment has encountered an unexpected error. Microsoft has labeled this as "good attrition" and will attempt to resolve this by preventing you from logging in for approximately 730 days. Error code: HR_EUPHEMISM_404

#TechIndustry #CorporateSpeak

https://it.slashdot.org/story/25/05/06/143242/microsoft-labels-some-fired-staff-as-good-attrition-imposes-two-year-rehiring-ban

I often have a giggle at work when I hear people from other teams stressing about a deadline and how they need to meet it. Who's going to die? We're not saving lives so stop calling it a deadline.
#corporatespeak #languagematters

#CorporateSpeak: saying "are you able to" instead of "can you" to sound like it's more technical.

We value transparency’ is corporate code for ‘we will email you 30 minutes before layoffs go public.’ #CorporateSpeak #WorkplaceBS

@cdarwin

Rewritten by #LinkedIn AI for #corporatespeak:

“Attention professionals! In the world of AI, bigger isn't always better.

“As AI companies and their corporate supporters continue to push boundaries, it's the smaller, user-focused companies that are honing in on what's truly decent and useful.

“Don't overlook the potential benefits of these underdogs in the industry.

“Keep an eye out for the innovative solutions they are bringing to the table.

#AI #innovation #userfocus

I talked enough shit about “AI” on #LinkedIn that I no longer have the option to “Rewrite with AI”, which was a useful feature to input some of the most unhinged text and then see how the machine and its #corporatespeak weights would word-calculate it into something more palatable for the audience doomscrolling before their next call.

Anyone want to provide input on a micro learning engagement? We can circle back later and touch base to get the 10,000 ft view #CorporateSpeak #nonsense #ihateithere

This is #CorporateSpeak filtered through a #PR consultant:

“It had a significant group profile, but many of them were lower-spending groups that were not always going to have significant audio visual and food and beverage (spending), so the re-imagining of the property is to meet the needs of today’s customer but to also bring in a more aspirational group in the leisure and group segments and provide the kind of amenities that will capture a greater share of wallet.”
https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/business/story/2024-03-13/one-of-san-diegos-largest-waterfront-hotels-gets-a-100m-upgrade-its-biggest-renovation-in-50-years

You, a person who doesn't like corporatese: I don't like the term “hard stop.”

Me, a project manager: Ok, no hard stops, then. This meeting will go ninety minutes over and we'll reconvene at 5:00 PM to continue. After breaking for the night—if we can—we'll pick it up the following morning. This meeting has become your only commitment. You live here now.


#jargon #meetings #CorporateSpeak

Wtf is “left shift” #CorporateSpeak #CorporateJargon

@bowreality @stephanie I’m sorry, the way I cackled at the last part - I immediately pictured a kindergartener entering the classroom on their first day:-) jokes aside, higher ups are probably being told that there was an overwhelming response from staff and it would be good for morale if they showed up. #CorporateSpeak

Go ahead, refer to some corpo bullshit as "table stakes" at a conference again *tightens fists* see what happens
#corporatespeak

"Rapid unscheduled disassembly" is probably the best euphemism #corporatespeak for "blowed up" I've ever heard.
#genius #SpaceX #HoldMyBeer
https://www.pcmag.com/news/starships-second-flight-test-burns-bright-but-not-quite-long-enough

“I want to apologise again for how poorly thought out this was”

This is how you do #PR right - by doing a proper apology. No #corporatespeak, no “we just communicated this poorly”, no digging yourself deeper into the hole.

Instead, owning up to having made a bad decision, and undoing it.

#publicrelations #communication #communications

https://musictech.com/news/minimal-audio-current-subscription-only-u-turn/

Pronunciation guide to common Microsoft Office file types:

.xlsx = “Excel sex”

.docx = “Do cocks”

.pptx = “Pee-pee, Tex?” (pronounced as though you were asking a Texan if they need the potty.)

Follow me for more Microsoft Office tips!

#MicrosoftOffice #CorporateSpeak

Results will be available after they are ... resulted. Huh.

#CorporateSpeak #EnglishLanguage #Funny

Don’t say “mission and values” when you mean “shareholder returns.”

#CorporateSpeak

Today’s Management-Speak Has A Lot In Common With 1930s Soviet Propaganda—And It’s Making People Miserable
--
https://fortune.com/2023/03/30/corporate-workplace-culture-soviet-union-1930s-increased-production-performance/amp/ <-- shared article
--
H/T @Gregory Babisinki
“Constant calls to express our passion, individual creativity, innovation and talents echo down through management structures…
#Stakhanovism #tropes
#Stakhanovism #tropes #HRM #HR #coporate #corporatespeak #businesslingo #sovietunion #sovietrussia #humanresource #power #work #management #people #employees #culture #creativity #talent #language #pressuretoperform #ManagementSpeak #SovietPropaganda #jobs #jobsatisfaction #jobperformance

"The hideous nature of these words — their facility to warp and impede communication — is also their purpose."

Molly Young in The Vulture on "Garbage Language: Why do corporations speak the way they do?", from 2020.

https://www.vulture.com/2020/02/spread-of-corporate-speak.html

One of the best articles on this I've read.

Years of being surrounded by business speak have made me want to speak in a natural way, wherever I am.

You could say I am "my authentic self" 😉

#Language #CorporateSpeak #GarbageLanguage