#borowitz — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #borowitz, aggregated by home.social.
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In alarming news for Republicans heading into the midterm elections, a new poll released on Monday revealed that Donald J. Trump is less popular than explosive diarrhea.
By a margin of two to one, likely voters said that they would rather suffer two years of the acute gastrointestinal ailment than the remainder of Trump’s term.
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/new-poll-reveals-trump-less-popular
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WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In alarming news for Republicans heading into the midterm elections, a new poll released on Monday revealed that Donald J. Trump is less popular than explosive diarrhea.
By a margin of two to one, likely voters said that they would rather suffer two years of the acute gastrointestinal ailment than the remainder of Trump’s term.
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/new-poll-reveals-trump-less-popular
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#Lindsey #LindseyGraham was a real cowardly asshole who lost his moral compass, according to this #Borowitz report
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/a-fact-based-lindsey-graham-obituary
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#Lindsey #LindseyGraham was a real cowardly asshole who lost his moral compass, according to this #Borowitz report
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/a-fact-based-lindsey-graham-obituary
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Trump Says His Funeral Will Draw Much Bigger Crowd Than Ayatollah’s
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-his-funeral-will-draw
#CommanderInCorruption #Trump #Algae #Alga #July #July4th #Ayatollah #Funeral #Borowitz #BorowitzReport
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Trump Says His Funeral Will Draw Much Bigger Crowd Than Ayatollah’s
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-his-funeral-will-draw
#CommanderInCorruption #Trump #Algae #Alga #July #July4th #Ayatollah #Funeral #Borowitz #BorowitzReport
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Trump noted, “I haven’t had so many people touching me since Epstein’s island.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-boasts-about-crowd-size-at
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Trump noted, “I haven’t had so many people touching me since Epstein’s island.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-boasts-about-crowd-size-at
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Borowitz Report
…Adding insult to injury, Chat responded to subsequent prompts by informing Vance that Obama reached this deal without a reckless military campaign that closed the Strait of Hormuz and required the US to pay Iran $300 billion.
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/vance-furious-after-chatgpt-keeps
#Satire #Humor #Joke #Jokes #Borowitz #JDVance ##Trump #Chatgpt #Chat #Obama #Iran #Hormuz
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Borowitz Report
…Adding insult to injury, Chat responded to subsequent prompts by informing Vance that Obama reached this deal without a reckless military campaign that closed the Strait of Hormuz and required the US to pay Iran $300 billion.
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/vance-furious-after-chatgpt-keeps
#Satire #Humor #Joke #Jokes #Borowitz #JDVance ##Trump #Chatgpt #Chat #Obama #Iran #Hormuz
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Trump Orders Vance and Rubio to Fight in UFC Cage Match
Edit: Looks like Borowitz and New Yorker are in synch.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a contest to determine the 2028 Republican presidential nominee, on Thursday Donald J. Trump ordered Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Vice President JD Vance to face off in a UFC cage match at the White House this weekend.
Trump decided to replace the traditional system of primaries and caucuses with a mixed martial arts competition because, as he told reporters, “Unlike elections, UFC fights are never rigged.”
“These are both tough guys,” he added. “Marco kidnapped Maduro, and JD killed the Pope.”
According to sources, Rubio’s first attempt at kickboxing went horribly awry Thursday morning when one of his oversized Florsheims flew off and hit Stephen Miller in the eye.
#UFC #Trump #Rubio #Vance #Politics #USPOL #Whitehouse #Borowitz
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Trump Orders Vance and Rubio to Fight in UFC Cage Match
Edit: Looks like Borowitz and New Yorker are in synch.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a contest to determine the 2028 Republican presidential nominee, on Thursday Donald J. Trump ordered Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Vice President JD Vance to face off in a UFC cage match at the White House this weekend.
Trump decided to replace the traditional system of primaries and caucuses with a mixed martial arts competition because, as he told reporters, “Unlike elections, UFC fights are never rigged.”
“These are both tough guys,” he added. “Marco kidnapped Maduro, and JD killed the Pope.”
According to sources, Rubio’s first attempt at kickboxing went horribly awry Thursday morning when one of his oversized Florsheims flew off and hit Stephen Miller in the eye.
#UFC #Trump #Rubio #Vance #Politics #USPOL #Whitehouse #Borowitz
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Meanwhile....
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/barron-trumps-energy-drink-fails
Meanwhile, "it's the word" - Colbert 🎩
#BrainSpurs #Energy #Borowitz #TrumpVirus #humor #satire #sleep
#ContextAndPerspective #dementia -
Meanwhile....
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/barron-trumps-energy-drink-fails
Meanwhile, "it's the word" - Colbert 🎩
#BrainSpurs #Energy #Borowitz #TrumpVirus #humor #satire #sleep
#ContextAndPerspective #dementia -
@mattblaze Borowitz on the pope:
“There were a lot of ballots cast against him that were just burned,” he said. “You could see the smoke coming from the Vatican.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-claims-popes-election-was-rigged
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@mattblaze Borowitz on the pope:
“There were a lot of ballots cast against him that were just burned,” he said. “You could see the smoke coming from the Vatican.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-claims-popes-election-was-rigged
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Trump Says Intelligence Played No Role in His Decision to Start War
“I made this call with no intelligence whatsoever.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-intelligence-played-no
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Trump Says Intelligence Played No Role in His Decision to Start War
“I made this call with no intelligence whatsoever.”
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-intelligence-played-no
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Trump Says Andrew's Arrest Sets Dangerous Precedent of Pedophiles Facing Consequences
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-andrews-arrest-sets-dangerous
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Trump Says Andrew's Arrest Sets Dangerous Precedent of Pedophiles Facing Consequences
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-andrews-arrest-sets-dangerous
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2/2
Sir#TrumpVirus expressed that it is sad for the Royal family - though smiling and energized (as someone "still undefeated") bragged that HE, of course, was totally exonerated!
The #ToddlerKing added that he just found out - from the other (unreleased) 3 million #EpsteinFiles pages: #Epstein was actually *against* Trump's run for President. [When?]
But here's the underlying #truth in a nutshell, i.e., Sir's big beautiful uh brain, according to satirist #Borowitz
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-andrews-arrest-sets-dangerous
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2/2
Sir#TrumpVirus expressed that it is sad for the Royal family - though smiling and energized (as someone "still undefeated") bragged that HE, of course, was totally exonerated!
The #ToddlerKing added that he just found out - from the other (unreleased) 3 million #EpsteinFiles pages: #Epstein was actually *against* Trump's run for President. [When?]
But here's the underlying #truth in a nutshell, i.e., Sir's big beautiful uh brain, according to satirist #Borowitz
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-says-andrews-arrest-sets-dangerous
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This. ✓
#Borowitz on the "Tiffany Network" of #TrumpVirus
> Bari Weiss Declares CBS Will Have Zero Tolerance for News
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/bari-weiss-declares-cbs-will-have
> NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—At a tense all-hands meeting on Wednesday, editor-in-chief Bari Weiss announced that, going forward, CBS News will institute a zero-tolerance policy towards news.
>Next Sunday, CBS will air the first Weiss-edited episode of “60 Minutes,” now called “4 Minutes.”
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This. ✓
#Borowitz on the "Tiffany Network" of #TrumpVirus
> Bari Weiss Declares CBS Will Have Zero Tolerance for News
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/bari-weiss-declares-cbs-will-have
> NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—At a tense all-hands meeting on Wednesday, editor-in-chief Bari Weiss announced that, going forward, CBS News will institute a zero-tolerance policy towards news.
>Next Sunday, CBS will air the first Weiss-edited episode of “60 Minutes,” now called “4 Minutes.”
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18 minutes of wit & wisdom,
Long form Andy Borowitz - With Robert Reich> We Could All Use Some Robert Reich Right Now
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/we-could-all-use-some-robert-reich
> "After this shitshow of a week, it’s time for something uplifting: a conversation with the legendary Robert Reich....
My podcast is usually for paid subscribers only, but I’m making this episode free for all. This week showed just how far the fascist Trump regime will go to silence critics."
Love,
Andy -
18 minutes of wit & wisdom,
Long form Andy Borowitz - With Robert Reich> We Could All Use Some Robert Reich Right Now
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/we-could-all-use-some-robert-reich
> "After this shitshow of a week, it’s time for something uplifting: a conversation with the legendary Robert Reich....
My podcast is usually for paid subscribers only, but I’m making this episode free for all. This week showed just how far the fascist Trump regime will go to silence critics."
Love,
Andy -
A short-funny-interesting summer/rainy-day treat, a freebie vid (usually premium) from Satirist Andy #Borowitz
> Andy chats with comedian W. Kamau Bel- beginning with the frontal assault on humor/truth & Colbert by CBS/Paramount - and the general direction and inevitable demise of the entirety of late-night TV.
Plus some thoughts on #cult belief & #Cosby too.
#LateNite #Comedy #Satire #humor #CBS #Epstein #Paramount #truth #KamauBell #Colbert #media #FCC #TrumpVirus
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A short-funny-interesting summer/rainy-day treat, a freebie vid (usually premium) from Satirist Andy #Borowitz
> Andy chats with comedian W. Kamau Bel- beginning with the frontal assault on humor/truth & Colbert by CBS/Paramount - and the general direction and inevitable demise of the entirety of late-night TV.
Plus some thoughts on #cult belief & #Cosby too.
#LateNite #Comedy #Satire #humor #CBS #Epstein #Paramount #truth #KamauBell #Colbert #media #FCC #TrumpVirus
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Meanwhile, the predictable #TrumpVirus response, affirmed by the #GQP cult of crime & corruption
(Maybe pediophilia too?)>Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Word Epstein
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-signs-executive-order-banning
Satire - today, at least. Tomorrow?
#Borowitz #Epstein #SirStableGenius #pedophiles #GQP #repression #censorship #fascism #crime #TeflonDon
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Meanwhile, the predictable #TrumpVirus response, affirmed by the #GQP cult of crime & corruption
(Maybe pediophilia too?)>Trump Signs Executive Order Banning Word Epstein
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/trump-signs-executive-order-banning
Satire - today, at least. Tomorrow?
#Borowitz #Epstein #SirStableGenius #pedophiles #GQP #repression #censorship #fascism #crime #TeflonDon
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Seems just about right!
> God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/god-formally-notifies-mike-johnson
#satire (?) #Borowitz #MAGAMike #TrumpVirus #cult #evil #DevilWorship #FalseGod #GQP #Truth #Karma #sin
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Seems just about right!
> God Formally Notifies Mike Johnson That he is Going to Hell
https://www.borowitzreport.com/p/god-formally-notifies-mike-johnson
#satire (?) #Borowitz #MAGAMike #TrumpVirus #cult #evil #DevilWorship #FalseGod #GQP #Truth #Karma #sin
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#Trump #USA#Mexico renames #LibertyBell #TacoBell #GOP #Republicans #Democrats #UnitedStates #Borowitz too bad it isn't true just like #GulfOfMexico
❤️❤️😂😂🤣🤣 -
#Trump #USA#Mexico renames #LibertyBell #TacoBell #GOP #Republicans #Democrats #UnitedStates #Borowitz too bad it isn't true just like #GulfOfMexico
❤️❤️😂😂🤣🤣 -
#quisling4 #borowitz #traitor #politics #lindseygraham
Quisling of the Week #4
“A true quisling collaborates with the enemy despite knowing better. For that reason, someone like Sen. Tommy Tuberville could never be considered a quisling, because he knows nothing.
And then there’s Lindsey Graham….”
https://open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/traitor-of-the-week-quisling-no-4?r=ymxmu&utm_medium=ios -
#quisling4 #borowitz #traitor #politics #lindseygraham
Quisling of the Week #4
“A true quisling collaborates with the enemy despite knowing better. For that reason, someone like Sen. Tommy Tuberville could never be considered a quisling, because he knows nothing.
And then there’s Lindsey Graham….”
https://open.substack.com/pub/borowitzreport/p/traitor-of-the-week-quisling-no-4?r=ymxmu&utm_medium=ios -
CW: Borowitz Quisling #3 McConnell
#politics #borowitz #quisling3 #traitor #mcconnell
Quislaing #3
.. Trump’s 2nd impeachment trial that clinched his place in the pantheon of quislings. insurrection at the US Capitol on Jan 6 , McConnell “If this isn't impeachable, I don't know what is.” McConnell could have tried to whip enough votes to convict Trump—instead, he voted to acquit. , 3 years later, in an Olympian display of flexibility, McConnell endorsed Trump….” -
CW: Borowitz Quisling #3 McConnell
#politics #borowitz #quisling3 #traitor #mcconnell
Quislaing #3
.. Trump’s 2nd impeachment trial that clinched his place in the pantheon of quislings. insurrection at the US Capitol on Jan 6 , McConnell “If this isn't impeachable, I don't know what is.” McConnell could have tried to whip enough votes to convict Trump—instead, he voted to acquit. , 3 years later, in an Olympian display of flexibility, McConnell endorsed Trump….” -
#satire #borowitz #trump #kingcharles #princeandrew #epstein #alt #ALT4you
The Borowitz Report
King Charles Downgrades Trump’s State Visit to Lunch with Prince Andrew
Satire
