Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #betothealligatorhunter, aggregated by home.social.
Only 23 hours until the polls close. Beto is currently in first place among the cats — but just barely. He needs your support now, when it counts the most!
Beto’s will fight for you! VOTE BETO #Beto2025 #BetoTheAlligatorHunter 🐱
100% of donations go to the Humane Society of north central Florida. $1 = 1 vote 🗳️ (Beto is a little over $200 away from meeting his fundraising goal 😺)
Vote here: https://gogo.photo/587948
This election is red hot. Beto just moved into SEVENTH PLACE!
Vote for Beto #Beto2025 #BetoTheAlligatorHunter
From: @JoParkerBear
https://universeodon.com/@JoParkerBear/114742092501734048
ATTENTION: in honor of his 7th birthday, Beto announced his candidacy for public office just three hours ago. 🐱
His platform is: no more alligators, and equality for ALL (except alligators). For more information on his campaign, or to vote for Beto, click on the link below.
Each vote costs $1 and 100% of the proceeds go to the north central Florida humane society. If Beto wins, a local brewery will put his face on a special edition beer! Plus, I might win some free beer but that’s beside the point
GO BETO GO #Beto2025 #BetoTheAlligatorHunter
Beto: Portrait of an Alligator-Hunting Artist (2020)
🔅tl;dr: story about how child-replacement cat is a total flippin neurotic weirdo—in human terms, serial killer material🔅
…
Presently kicking butt in college (& working constantly, ignoring my pleas to have more fun), my youngest son @Presidentwiggs also happens to be my hardcore mr. deep-clean & organize, plot & plan, decorate & beautify, streamline & improve upon, get-on-board-or-get-out-of-his-way, nonstop go-go-GO! neat-freak energizer bunny-bear god of order project manager man. Noteworthy: he’s the cheeriest, healthiest, most balanced person I know. [I wish I could pay him to organize & manage my life—without the added risk of him becoming drunk on power… son > mom power 🤨😈]
So naturally— not only does my tiny substitute furry replacement son ABHOR filth and DESPISE disorder, reacting with horror and disdain to every “disaster” as though he was raised in a palace (*ahem* dog rescue)— he makes every effort to avoid knocking things over, daintily stepping over & around tricky items, like pill bottles on tiny tables, abandoning routes when he sees no way to neatly cross. He will JOLT in surprise if an item is somehow disturbed. Only then does my substitute replacement son ever behave awkwardly, fumbling in response to the rare miscalculation, like a quirky actor endearingly tripping over a table in a rom-com.
Obviously, a cat so methodical and obsessed with cleanliness would never think, nor deign, to use the litter box on a… not-litter-box. Ew. “If you’re angry, glare at the human without blinking for 30 minutes; follow up with a powerful, medium-strength bite on the meaty part of the arm, if necessary, like a civilized cat. Have some self-respect!” Beto would 100% yell at other cats, if he knew how some of them behaved. (I won’t tell. I don’t want to upset him.)
Now that you understand some of Beto’s pathological issues— without even getting into his diagnosed Pica & numerous unmentioned OCD symptoms— this👇 is his dramatic, ritualistic response to the trauma of “human splashed drops of coffee on floor.” He must cover spills or odd smells, every single time, in the same way. If he sees me carrying a drink, he will drop what he’s doing to follow me, just in case, so that he can notify me right away if there’s a situation— and he is JUST as horrified by purified water.
I know for a fact that he left my room to clean the bottom of his contaminated paws. We’ve been roommates for 5 years. I know too much. Plus, it’s not like he can access cleaning products and paper towels. The heck if he’s going to return until I fix the damn floor. Thank god he can’t speak. He’d be insufferable.
Yet somehow, being covered in alligator blood is no problem. Everyone needs an outlet for their rage. If it means Beto is not plotting my death (yet), the more gators he kills, the better.
He drinks out of the toilet btw.
What, do you think Beto just let him go? ***Dead gator/bad photoshop cw***
#caturday #betothealligatorhunter
2/2
FYI: Florida has loads of gators throughout the state. There are rules & laws, but the population must be kept under control. Any full-grown 11-15ft gator is unlikely to eat an adult unless you make it easy for them, but they totally can. Medium 8ft gators (the norm) are considered harmless but occasionally snatch small dogs and toddlers. Wittle gators are adorable & may walk up onto your lawn but they will bite the fuck outta you so be careful and call a professional: BETO. Or FL fish & wildlife.
Beto is the Alligator Hunter we need, not the Alligator Hunter we deserve
#betothealligatorhunter #caturday
1/2
We interrupt these dark messages full of never-ending glumness & despair with photos of a cat. His name is Beto and he’s a professional alligator hunter. If you don’t believe us, search the hashtag:
#BetoTheAlligatorHunter #cats
Even tough guys don’t like to get their nails clipped. #betothealligatorhunter
First, the traditional Beto wake-up yodel, soon to be followed by #caturday neighborhood watch. Gators don’t take days off, so neither can Beto.
Pardon me, miss, but it appears someone must have mistakenly shut my door. 🧐
Beto would like to say good morning and get up right now and feed me and play with me and let’s go hunt and happy #Caturday from #BetoTheAlligatorHunter
I’m house-sitting for my sister for a few days (watching her doggos) and I miss my baby 😭
I mean, my very dangerous alligator hunter. I miss him in spite of the constant risk to my life.
Hey, everyone — glad Prigozhin’s “march for justice” is over because… today is BETO’S BIRTHDAY! He is 5 YEARS OLD. I know, we can’t believe it either.
Of course, he’s refused to pose for a photo, so here’s a bit of silliness from yesterday.
Beto does not believe in relaxing on Sunday.
The local paper is doing a profile on domestic cats who are also alligator hunters. Seeing as how Beto is the only local gator-hunter PERIOD, we’re going to submit a new headshot. But *now* Beto can’t decide which he likes best.
‘The Idol’ Recap: How Offensive Is Sam Levinson’s New Scandalous Show?’
“Stop trying to cock block America,” Nikki demands. “Mental illness is sexy.”
Not even **close** to the worst part of this pilot recap, AND YET.
I am the judge, jury, and executioner of my home. Bring me Sam Levinson, alive. This man has done enough harm and must stop making tv shows (and movies!)… or else.
Sneak Peak at the June cover of Men’s Health featuring #BetoTheAlligatorHunter !
#Cats #CatsOfMastodon #MensHealth #Celebrity #BeachBody #Hero #YouDoYou #Model #CatLife #Cardio #Weights #VibingCat #workout #AlphaCat #CatsRuleTheUniverse
There is something out there on the wind, Beto senses… something bad, covered in green scales… something dangerous to the community— a negative influence on teenagers in the very least
Nothing like a four-hour nap after work with Neo the Bear.
10/2018: the first time I busted Beto out of jail.
He was going by the street name ‘Beethoven’ back in those days, just a wee little alligator hunter, but he shortened it after I hired him to to take on Ted Cruz. Alas, we were too late.
Today is Beto’s day off — but just try and tell him that.
I asked Beto if, just this once, he’d team up with the gators.
No dice.
I was having a terrible nightmare this morning and Beto woke me from it— even though there were no alligators involved in the dream at all.
#Caturday #BetoTheAlligatorHunter
He’s so tired. He went on a 3-hour patrol today with no breaks!
Okay, maybe one. 🐊
Clear skies. Temps in the 80s have resumed after a brief, slightly cooler respite.
Meanwhile, Beto knows what time it is. It’s getting hotter, like last year and the year before. He does NOT give his consent and is threatening a full-on strike. He would only do a 15-min patrol today— and only because he made a commitment to the city. He still doesn’t get it: I can’t control the weather.
It’s gonna get a lot more spicy here, soon— as are the gators.
It’s Sunday. The gators are napping, so he’s taking one, too.
This is the guilty face of someone who stole their hunting partner’s spot RIGHT AFTER SHE LEFT THE ROOM FOR A FEW MINUTES.