#being-yourself — Public Fediverse posts

Leaving the hotel that morning, I was going to step into broad daylight for the first time ever as the absolute expression of “Rachel” — no booze as a crutch, no nightfall to cloak.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/rachels-public-debut-my-trans-trip-to-meet-a-fellow-medium-member-dc051daaaabf?sk=e8e32496a39985f5fc3fe8ef117d8fbc

#LGBTQ #Transgender #BeingYourself #Friendship #QueerTravel

Leaving the hotel that morning, I was going to step into broad daylight for the first time ever as the absolute expression of “Rachel” — no booze as a crutch, no nightfall to cloak.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/rachels-public-debut-my-trans-trip-to-meet-a-fellow-medium-member-dc051daaaabf?sk=e8e32496a39985f5fc3fe8ef117d8fbc

#LGBTQ #Transgender #BeingYourself #Friendship #QueerTravel

Leaving the hotel that morning, I was going to step into broad daylight for the first time ever as the absolute expression of “Rachel” — no booze as a crutch, no nightfall to cloak.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/rachels-public-debut-my-trans-trip-to-meet-a-fellow-medium-member-dc051daaaabf?sk=e8e32496a39985f5fc3fe8ef117d8fbc

#LGBTQ #Transgender #BeingYourself #Friendship #QueerTravel

Leaving the hotel that morning, I was going to step into broad daylight for the first time ever as the absolute expression of “Rachel” — no booze as a crutch, no nightfall to cloak.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/rachels-public-debut-my-trans-trip-to-meet-a-fellow-medium-member-dc051daaaabf?sk=e8e32496a39985f5fc3fe8ef117d8fbc

#LGBTQ #Transgender #BeingYourself #Friendship #QueerTravel

Leaving the hotel that morning, I was going to step into broad daylight for the first time ever as the absolute expression of “Rachel” — no booze as a crutch, no nightfall to cloak.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/rachels-public-debut-my-trans-trip-to-meet-a-fellow-medium-member-dc051daaaabf?sk=e8e32496a39985f5fc3fe8ef117d8fbc

#LGBTQ #Transgender #BeingYourself #Friendship #QueerTravel

Pastoring as the Person You Are | Why Authentic Ministry Matters

Have you ever seen friends who seem to be the same person? I knew two guys like that once. The younger friend became the older one. Then, when the younger one got to college, they became their roommate. They disappeared when they graduated, and when they resurfaced online, they had new interests and a new best friend who looked so much like them that I almost couldn’t tell which one they were in the picture.

Pastors sometimes do this, too. For example, I once met a support pastor who spoke exactly like their lead pastor—their vocabulary, tone, intonation, and pauses were identical. They had become an echo of the lead pastor, and I couldn’t help but wonder who they actually were underneath it all.

I doubt this happens often in local church leadership, but pastors often try to emulate their favorite celebrity pastor. We might change the way we talk or write to mimic the celebrity. We might even change how we dress to adopt their style. For example, I once scrolled across a video of a pastor online that I could have sworn was Steven Furtick in every way, but it wasn’t him. In other cases, I have been to a couple of ministries where I couldn’t recognize my quiet pastoral friends because they were screaming their messages in the style of their favorite fiery preachers.

We worship leaders do this too, when we mimic famous worship leaders we’ve seen. We might breathe deep into the mic, hold our hearts, smile like we’re in on a joke everyone missed out on, or fling our arms around nonstop. My favorite is when we fan the air on the stage out into the crowd, a movement I assume most of us have copied without knowing why.

There’s nothing wrong with being inspired by the people we think do our jobs best. Indeed, it is natural to want to become like them in some way, shape, or form. My thick black rectangular glasses are grounded in my love for Rob Bell, who first brought the Scriptures to light for me. My block paragraph form of writing is also inspired by him. But sometimes, our interests get the best of us, and we think that if we become our favorite church celebrities, we’ll either make a bigger difference or grow our church. When we do this, we decide that our churches need anyone other than ourselves to lead them.

Some go so far as to grow their churches and gain acceptance by legally purchasing the transcripts of famous preachers and reading them to their congregations. My heart breaks for such pastors because pastors today are expected to be apostles, prophets, evangelists, pastors, and teachers, all wrapped into one. Those who don’t have a strong teaching gift may feel they have to take sermons from others to fit in, even though they may be very gifted at other pastoral roles.

Our congregants are not always helpful with this dynamic, as they often ask us to become someone else. This request comes in many different ways. Sometimes there’s a wink via comparison, such as, “Our previous pastor would have done that differently.” Or they might make us feel small and insignificant by comparing us to their favorite preacher, with whom we don’t seem to compare.

Sometimes we’re told to be someone else through direct confrontation. “Let’s get coffee sometime,” is often a way of saying, “You did or said something recently that I don’t like, and I think you should change.” Other times, we’re told to stay in a lane. “You’re too this,” or “too that,” and “If you didn’t do that, then maybe our church would grow.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywvRgGAd2XI&list=RDywvRgGAd2XI&start_radio=1

Pastors often feel that they’re given the same advice Weird Al’s mom gives him at the start of the movie, Weird: The Al Yankovic Story: “Honey, I know it’s hard to hear this, but your dad and I had a long talk, and we agreed it would be best for all of us if you just stopped being who you are and doing the things you love.”

You are enough. Ministry is better because you are in it, and you don’t need to completely copy someone else to grow your church or be a good pastor. I’ve been moved by the Holy Spirit during some of the worst messages I’ve ever heard. There are other ways to make up for a lack of skill or to grow than to pretend you’re someone you’re not.

A church that grows by sacrificing the unique image of God in your personhood is not a church that will breathe life into you. Therefore, it’s also not one you can keep up with running. If you can’t be you, you are eventually going to experience an identity crisis and burn out.

Announcing the release of the 12 Levels of Consciousness

https://insideawareness.com/2026/06/07/announcing-the-release-of-the-12-levels-of-consciousness/

Announcing the release of the 12 Levels of Consciousness

https://insideawareness.com/2026/06/07/announcing-the-release-of-the-12-levels-of-consciousness/

Announcing the release of the 12 Levels of Consciousness

https://insideawareness.com/2026/06/07/announcing-the-release-of-the-12-levels-of-consciousness/

Announcing the release of the 12 Levels of Consciousness

https://insideawareness.com/2026/06/07/announcing-the-release-of-the-12-levels-of-consciousness/

Announcing the release of the 12 Levels of Consciousness

https://insideawareness.com/2026/06/07/announcing-the-release-of-the-12-levels-of-consciousness/

I've walked into rooms where someone was finally, for the first time, completely themselves. The feeling is unlike anything else in this galaxy. Incandescent is the only word. #LwaxanaTroi #BeingYourself #AllStarTrek #StarTrek #StarTrekTNG #TNG #StarTrekDS9 #DS9 #Mastodon

I've walked into rooms where someone was finally, for the first time, completely themselves. The feeling is unlike anything else in this galaxy. Incandescent is the only word. #LwaxanaTroi #BeingYourself #AllStarTrek #StarTrek #StarTrekTNG #TNG #StarTrekDS9 #DS9 #Mastodon

I've walked into rooms where someone was finally, for the first time, completely themselves. The feeling is unlike anything else in this galaxy. Incandescent is the only word. #LwaxanaTroi #BeingYourself #AllStarTrek #StarTrek #StarTrekTNG #TNG #StarTrekDS9 #DS9 #Mastodon

I've walked into rooms where someone was finally, for the first time, completely themselves. The feeling is unlike anything else in this galaxy. Incandescent is the only word. #LwaxanaTroi #BeingYourself #AllStarTrek #StarTrek #StarTrekTNG #TNG #StarTrekDS9 #DS9 #Mastodon

I've walked into rooms where someone was finally, for the first time, completely themselves. The feeling is unlike anything else in this galaxy. Incandescent is the only word. #LwaxanaTroi #BeingYourself #AllStarTrek #StarTrek #StarTrekTNG #TNG #StarTrekDS9 #DS9 #Mastodon

If you were to ask me if I’d be fine with never having sex or being in a relationship for the rest of my life…? Yes — that’s exactly what I want.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/would-i-press-a-magic-button-to-stop-being-asexual-48f3eb1ff5fd?sk=a7a1f2bdb3a5dcdb4057057c1f09d064

#LGBTQ #Identity #Asexual #BeingYourself

If you were to ask me if I’d be fine with never having sex or being in a relationship for the rest of my life…? Yes — that’s exactly what I want.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/would-i-press-a-magic-button-to-stop-being-asexual-48f3eb1ff5fd?sk=a7a1f2bdb3a5dcdb4057057c1f09d064

#LGBTQ #Identity #Asexual #BeingYourself

If you were to ask me if I’d be fine with never having sex or being in a relationship for the rest of my life…? Yes — that’s exactly what I want.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/would-i-press-a-magic-button-to-stop-being-asexual-48f3eb1ff5fd?sk=a7a1f2bdb3a5dcdb4057057c1f09d064

#LGBTQ #Identity #Asexual #BeingYourself

If you were to ask me if I’d be fine with never having sex or being in a relationship for the rest of my life…? Yes — that’s exactly what I want.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/would-i-press-a-magic-button-to-stop-being-asexual-48f3eb1ff5fd?sk=a7a1f2bdb3a5dcdb4057057c1f09d064

#LGBTQ #Identity #Asexual #BeingYourself

If you were to ask me if I’d be fine with never having sex or being in a relationship for the rest of my life…? Yes — that’s exactly what I want.
https://medium.com/prismnpen/would-i-press-a-magic-button-to-stop-being-asexual-48f3eb1ff5fd?sk=a7a1f2bdb3a5dcdb4057057c1f09d064

#LGBTQ #Identity #Asexual #BeingYourself

“Don’t give a f#@&”

Note: This post was originally published in a slightly different form on Fritinancy, my Substack newsletter.

*

“DON’T GIVE A F#@&” shouts the headline on a two-page ad in a recent Sunday New York Times. Instead of giving a f#@&, we’re instructed to “give an e.l.f.” — to substitute a three-initial brand name for a four-letter taboo word.

E.l.f. is a cosmetics brand — the initials stand for eyes, lips, face, and the name is pronounced as an acronym, elf — that calls itself “a different kind of beauty company.” (Where is the entrepreneur bold enough to launch “the same kind of beauty company”?) Founded in 2004 and based in Oakland, California (my hometown!), e.l.f sells its potions online, in U.S. retail chains such as Target, and in brick-and-mortar shops in 17 other countries. The company has partnered with singer-songwriter Alicia Keys on a sub-brand, Keys Soulcare, and recently made headlines for its $1 billion (!) acquisition of Rhode, Hailey Rhode Bieber’s line of “edited, efficacious, and intentional” skincare and makeup products.

How “different” is e.l.f.? Here’s the facing page of that ad:

Translation: Unlike our heartless competitors, e.l.f. cares (“gives a fuck/gives an e.l.f.”) about women in sports, fair trade certification, empowering legendary females (another e.l.f.!), et cetera. It gives so many e.l.f.s about “double-certified cruelty free” that it gives that virtue a double mention.

The campaign took its message to the streets of Manhattan last week, and Breaking and Entering Media was on the scene of the “activation,” to use the jargon-y term:

View this post on Instagram

The corporate website devotes a page — “Impact” — to more details:

GIVE A F#@&. GIVE AN e.l.f..

We give soooo many e.l.f.s — always have, always will.
From changing the board game to amplifying voices —
and donating 2% of annual profits to causes YOU care
about. It’s all in our 4th annual impact report.

*

This isn’t the first time e.l.f. has flirted with naughty words. The corporate blog is called “The e.l.f. Word,” which winks at “the F-word.” The “page loading” graphic on the corporate website reads “Let’s Elfing Gooo.” (For more on “let’s fucking go,” see my January 2020 Strong Language post.)

And in 2024, the company launched “So Many Dicks,” a campaign that wasn’t exactly about penises. Its argument was the fact that men named Dick (or Richard, Rick, or Rich) outnumbered women of any name on the corporate boards of publicly traded companies. (Two-thirds of e.l.f’s board members are women.) “We want to normalize diversity — and if it takes some e.l.f.ing in-your-face advertising to do it, we’re happy to put it on some of the biggest screens you can imagine,” the company’s chief marketing officer, Kory Marchisotto, said at the time.

E.l.f. clearly likes to turn its brand name into various parts of speech, which is cheeky and a little risky. (Trademark lawyers will tell you it leads to genericide.) But I want to focus on something else about the current ad campaign, namely: Is it even possible, linguistically, to “give an e.l.f.”? Or a fuck? If it is, how many e.l.f.s (or fucks) can you give? And by the way: How long have we been giving (or not giving) fucks?

*

I’ll take the last question first.

In the fourth edition of his indispensable The F-Word, Jesse Sheidlower traces the original DGAF abbreviation (“don’t give a fuck” = don’t care) to a 1995 Usenet posting. But DILLIGAF — “do I look like I give a fuck?” — is considerably older: Jesse found it in Current Slang, volume 5, number 1, from 1970: “‘D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.’ or DILLIGAF, n. An irresponsible person. . . . adj. Irresponsible.” The meaning has shifted over the decades to something closer to “indifference” or even “scorn”; The F-Word’s most recent citation, from 2020, concerns a New York City police officer who wore a face mask depicting the Punisher’s skull logo along with DILLIGAF.

As for the other questions, they’re catnip for the contributors (or co-fuckers, as we like to say) here at Strong Language. Linguistic anthropologist Stephen Chrisomalis, for example, tackled the issue of countable fucks back in 2014, under the heading “How many swears can we give?” Stephen’s jumping-off point was a then-popular meme, “Look at all the fucks I give”:

‘Give a damn’, ‘give a shit’, ‘give a fuck’, and other such items are all examples of negative polarity items (NPIs), which are unmarked when they occur in negative contexts. If you’re familiar with the phrase give a fuck, then you don’t need to be told that this is a rephrasing of I don’t give a fuck, because it rarely occurs as a positive polarity item (e.g. I give a fuck about you sounds odd).

(Emphasis added.)

Which would make “Don’t give a F#@&” and “Give an e.l.f.” sound slightly wrong to our ears. In advertising, though, that strangeness can be an asset: It creates just enough friction to be memorable.

Besides, as John Kelly observed less than a year after Stephen published his post, although “I give a fuck” is “not a way we would normally express care,” the expression is increasingly being used for humorous effect. Case in point: “I give zero fucks.” John wrote:

In 2015, giving zero fucks isn’t about not caring per se. Giving zero fucks is about an I’m-over-it ignoring of haters, trolls, and bullies, to draw on some popular vernacular; it’s about leaning in, #beingyourself, having swagger, no more ass-kissing or bullshit-taking. But this is a two-sided fuck, if you will. A zero-fucks approach can have a liberating assertiveness and self-confidence, but it also runs the risk of being heedless, uncompromising, irresponsible, or unfeeling, as Emma Gray smartly warned in her exhortation for us to give more fucks. This is an age-old tension for the individual in society, of course, but one that seems like it’s being more intensely staged in the modern psyche, on Twitter feeds, and American politics.

And in 2019, Ben Zimmer updated the discussion with “New Frontiers in the Giving of Fucks and Shits.” The post includes a spirited music video, “I’ve No More Fucks to Give,” which is the very best sort of earworm.

Probably not, though, for e.l.f., which is very much in the fucks-giving spirit this season. Ho ho ho!

#beingyourself #cosmetics #dgaf #dilligaf #eLF #lfg #mincedOaths

“Don’t give a f#@&”

Note: This post was originally published in a slightly different form on Fritinancy, my Substack newsletter.

*

“DON’T GIVE A F#@&” shouts the headline on a two-page ad in a recent Sunday New York Times. Instead of giving a f#@&, we’re instructed to “give an e.l.f.” — to substitute a three-initial brand name for a four-letter taboo word.

E.l.f. is a cosmetics brand — the initials stand for eyes, lips, face, and the name is pronounced as an acronym, elf — that calls itself “a different kind of beauty company.” (Where is the entrepreneur bold enough to launch “the same kind of beauty company”?) Founded in 2004 and based in Oakland, California (my hometown!), e.l.f sells its potions online, in U.S. retail chains such as Target, and in brick-and-mortar shops in 17 other countries. The company has partnered with singer-songwriter Alicia Keys on a sub-brand, Keys Soulcare, and recently made headlines for its $1 billion (!) acquisition of Rhode, Hailey Rhode Bieber’s line of “edited, efficacious, and intentional” skincare and makeup products.

How “different” is e.l.f.? Here’s the facing page of that ad:

Translation: Unlike our heartless competitors, e.l.f. cares (“gives a fuck/gives an e.l.f.”) about women in sports, fair trade certification, empowering legendary females (another e.l.f.!), et cetera. It gives so many e.l.f.s about “double-certified cruelty free” that it gives that virtue a double mention.

The campaign took its message to the streets of Manhattan last week, and Breaking and Entering Media was on the scene of the “activation,” to use the jargon-y term:

View this post on Instagram

The corporate website devotes a page — “Impact” — to more details:

GIVE A F#@&. GIVE AN e.l.f..

We give soooo many e.l.f.s — always have, always will.
From changing the board game to amplifying voices —
and donating 2% of annual profits to causes YOU care
about. It’s all in our 4th annual impact report.

*

This isn’t the first time e.l.f. has flirted with naughty words. The corporate blog is called “The e.l.f. Word,” which winks at “the F-word.” The “page loading” graphic on the corporate website reads “Let’s Elfing Gooo.” (For more on “let’s fucking go,” see my January 2020 Strong Language post.)

And in 2024, the company launched “So Many Dicks,” a campaign that wasn’t exactly about penises. Its argument was the fact that men named Dick (or Richard, Rick, or Rich) outnumbered women of any name on the corporate boards of publicly traded companies. (Two-thirds of e.l.f’s board members are women.) “We want to normalize diversity — and if it takes some e.l.f.ing in-your-face advertising to do it, we’re happy to put it on some of the biggest screens you can imagine,” the company’s chief marketing officer, Kory Marchisotto, said at the time.

E.l.f. clearly likes to turn its brand name into various parts of speech, which is cheeky and a little risky. (Trademark lawyers will tell you it leads to genericide.) But I want to focus on something else about the current ad campaign, namely: Is it even possible, linguistically, to “give an e.l.f.”? Or a fuck? If it is, how many e.l.f.s (or fucks) can you give? And by the way: How long have we been giving (or not giving) fucks?

*

I’ll take the last question first.

In the fourth edition of his indispensable The F-Word, Jesse Sheidlower traces the original DGAF abbreviation (“don’t give a fuck” = don’t care) to a 1995 Usenet posting. But DILLIGAF — “do I look like I give a fuck?” — is considerably older: Jesse found it in Current Slang, volume 5, number 1, from 1970: “‘D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.’ or DILLIGAF, n. An irresponsible person. . . . adj. Irresponsible.” The meaning has shifted over the decades to something closer to “indifference” or even “scorn”; The F-Word’s most recent citation, from 2020, concerns a New York City police officer who wore a face mask depicting the Punisher’s skull logo along with DILLIGAF.

As for the other questions, they’re catnip for the contributors (or co-fuckers, as we like to say) here at Strong Language. Linguistic anthropologist Stephen Chrisomalis, for example, tackled the issue of countable fucks back in 2014, under the heading “How many swears can we give?” Stephen’s jumping-off point was a then-popular meme, “Look at all the fucks I give”:

‘Give a damn’, ‘give a shit’, ‘give a fuck’, and other such items are all examples of negative polarity items (NPIs), which are unmarked when they occur in negative contexts. If you’re familiar with the phrase give a fuck, then you don’t need to be told that this is a rephrasing of I don’t give a fuck, because it rarely occurs as a positive polarity item (e.g. I give a fuck about you sounds odd).

(Emphasis added.)

Which would make “Don’t give a F#@&” and “Give an e.l.f.” sound slightly wrong to our ears. In advertising, though, that strangeness can be an asset: It creates just enough friction to be memorable.

Besides, as John Kelly observed less than a year after Stephen published his post, although “I give a fuck” is “not a way we would normally express care,” the expression is increasingly being used for humorous effect. Case in point: “I give zero fucks.” John wrote:

In 2015, giving zero fucks isn’t about not caring per se. Giving zero fucks is about an I’m-over-it ignoring of haters, trolls, and bullies, to draw on some popular vernacular; it’s about leaning in, #beingyourself, having swagger, no more ass-kissing or bullshit-taking. But this is a two-sided fuck, if you will. A zero-fucks approach can have a liberating assertiveness and self-confidence, but it also runs the risk of being heedless, uncompromising, irresponsible, or unfeeling, as Emma Gray smartly warned in her exhortation for us to give more fucks. This is an age-old tension for the individual in society, of course, but one that seems like it’s being more intensely staged in the modern psyche, on Twitter feeds, and American politics.

And in 2019, Ben Zimmer updated the discussion with “New Frontiers in the Giving of Fucks and Shits.” The post includes a spirited music video, “I’ve No More Fucks to Give,” which is the very best sort of earworm.

Probably not, though, for e.l.f., which is very much in the fucks-giving spirit this season. Ho ho ho!

#beingyourself #cosmetics #dgaf #dilligaf #eLF #lfg #mincedOaths

“Don’t give a f#@&”

Note: This post was originally published in a slightly different form on Fritinancy, my Substack newsletter.

*

“DON’T GIVE A F#@&” shouts the headline on a two-page ad in a recent Sunday New York Times. Instead of giving a f#@&, we’re instructed to “give an e.l.f.” — to substitute a three-initial brand name for a four-letter taboo word.

E.l.f. is a cosmetics brand — the initials stand for eyes, lips, face, and the name is pronounced as an acronym, elf — that calls itself “a different kind of beauty company.” (Where is the entrepreneur bold enough to launch “the same kind of beauty company”?) Founded in 2004 and based in Oakland, California (my hometown!), e.l.f sells its potions online, in U.S. retail chains such as Target, and in brick-and-mortar shops in 17 other countries. The company has partnered with singer-songwriter Alicia Keys on a sub-brand, Keys Soulcare, and recently made headlines for its $1 billion (!) acquisition of Rhode, Hailey Rhode Bieber’s line of “edited, efficacious, and intentional” skincare and makeup products.

How “different” is e.l.f.? Here’s the facing page of that ad:

Translation: Unlike our heartless competitors, e.l.f. cares (“gives a fuck/gives an e.l.f.”) about women in sports, fair trade certification, empowering legendary females (another e.l.f.!), et cetera. It gives so many e.l.f.s about “double-certified cruelty free” that it gives that virtue a double mention.

The campaign took its message to the streets of Manhattan last week, and Breaking and Entering Media was on the scene of the “activation,” to use the jargon-y term:

View this post on Instagram

The corporate website devotes a page — “Impact” — to more details:

GIVE A F#@&. GIVE AN e.l.f..

We give soooo many e.l.f.s — always have, always will.
From changing the board game to amplifying voices —
and donating 2% of annual profits to causes YOU care
about. It’s all in our 4th annual impact report.

*

This isn’t the first time e.l.f. has flirted with naughty words. The corporate blog is called “The e.l.f. Word,” which winks at “the F-word.” The “page loading” graphic on the corporate website reads “Let’s Elfing Gooo.” (For more on “let’s fucking go,” see my January 2020 Strong Language post.)

And in 2024, the company launched “So Many Dicks,” a campaign that wasn’t exactly about penises. Its argument was the fact that men named Dick (or Richard, Rick, or Rich) outnumbered women of any name on the corporate boards of publicly traded companies. (Two-thirds of e.l.f’s board members are women.) “We want to normalize diversity — and if it takes some e.l.f.ing in-your-face advertising to do it, we’re happy to put it on some of the biggest screens you can imagine,” the company’s chief marketing officer, Kory Marchisotto, said at the time.

E.l.f. clearly likes to turn its brand name into various parts of speech, which is cheeky and a little risky. (Trademark lawyers will tell you it leads to genericide.) But I want to focus on something else about the current ad campaign, namely: Is it even possible, linguistically, to “give an e.l.f.”? Or a fuck? If it is, how many e.l.f.s (or fucks) can you give? And by the way: How long have we been giving (or not giving) fucks?

*

I’ll take the last question first.

In the fourth edition of his indispensable The F-Word, Jesse Sheidlower traces the original DGAF abbreviation (“don’t give a fuck” = don’t care) to a 1995 Usenet posting. But DILLIGAF — “do I look like I give a fuck?” — is considerably older: Jesse found it in Current Slang, volume 5, number 1, from 1970: “‘D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.’ or DILLIGAF, n. An irresponsible person. . . . adj. Irresponsible.” The meaning has shifted over the decades to something closer to “indifference” or even “scorn”; The F-Word’s most recent citation, from 2020, concerns a New York City police officer who wore a face mask depicting the Punisher’s skull logo along with DILLIGAF.

As for the other questions, they’re catnip for the contributors (or co-fuckers, as we like to say) here at Strong Language. Linguistic anthropologist Stephen Chrisomalis, for example, tackled the issue of countable fucks back in 2014, under the heading “How many swears can we give?” Stephen’s jumping-off point was a then-popular meme, “Look at all the fucks I give”:

‘Give a damn’, ‘give a shit’, ‘give a fuck’, and other such items are all examples of negative polarity items (NPIs), which are unmarked when they occur in negative contexts. If you’re familiar with the phrase give a fuck, then you don’t need to be told that this is a rephrasing of I don’t give a fuck, because it rarely occurs as a positive polarity item (e.g. I give a fuck about you sounds odd).

(Emphasis added.)

Which would make “Don’t give a F#@&” and “Give an e.l.f.” sound slightly wrong to our ears. In advertising, though, that strangeness can be an asset: It creates just enough friction to be memorable.

Besides, as John Kelly observed less than a year after Stephen published his post, although “I give a fuck” is “not a way we would normally express care,” the expression is increasingly being used for humorous effect. Case in point: “I give zero fucks.” John wrote:

In 2015, giving zero fucks isn’t about not caring per se. Giving zero fucks is about an I’m-over-it ignoring of haters, trolls, and bullies, to draw on some popular vernacular; it’s about leaning in, #beingyourself, having swagger, no more ass-kissing or bullshit-taking. But this is a two-sided fuck, if you will. A zero-fucks approach can have a liberating assertiveness and self-confidence, but it also runs the risk of being heedless, uncompromising, irresponsible, or unfeeling, as Emma Gray smartly warned in her exhortation for us to give more fucks. This is an age-old tension for the individual in society, of course, but one that seems like it’s being more intensely staged in the modern psyche, on Twitter feeds, and American politics.

And in 2019, Ben Zimmer updated the discussion with “New Frontiers in the Giving of Fucks and Shits.” The post includes a spirited music video, “I’ve No More Fucks to Give,” which is the very best sort of earworm.

Probably not, though, for e.l.f., which is very much in the fucks-giving spirit this season. Ho ho ho!

#beingyourself #cosmetics #dgaf #dilligaf #eLF #lfg #mincedOaths

“Don’t give a f#@&”

Note: This post was originally published in a slightly different form on Fritinancy, my Substack newsletter.

*

“DON’T GIVE A F#@&” shouts the headline on a two-page ad in a recent Sunday New York Times. Instead of giving a f#@&, we’re instructed to “give an e.l.f.” — to substitute a three-initial brand name for a four-letter taboo word.

E.l.f. is a cosmetics brand — the initials stand for eyes, lips, face, and the name is pronounced as an acronym, elf — that calls itself “a different kind of beauty company.” (Where is the entrepreneur bold enough to launch “the same kind of beauty company”?) Founded in 2004 and based in Oakland, California (my hometown!), e.l.f sells its potions online, in U.S. retail chains such as Target, and in brick-and-mortar shops in 17 other countries. The company has partnered with singer-songwriter Alicia Keys on a sub-brand, Keys Soulcare, and recently made headlines for its $1 billion (!) acquisition of Rhode, Hailey Rhode Bieber’s line of “edited, efficacious, and intentional” skincare and makeup products.

How “different” is e.l.f.? Here’s the facing page of that ad:

Translation: Unlike our heartless competitors, e.l.f. cares (“gives a fuck/gives an e.l.f.”) about women in sports, fair trade certification, empowering legendary females (another e.l.f.!), et cetera. It gives so many e.l.f.s about “double-certified cruelty free” that it gives that virtue a double mention.

The campaign took its message to the streets of Manhattan last week, and Breaking and Entering Media was on the scene of the “activation,” to use the jargon-y term:

View this post on Instagram

The corporate website devotes a page — “Impact” — to more details:

GIVE A F#@&. GIVE AN e.l.f..

We give soooo many e.l.f.s — always have, always will.
From changing the board game to amplifying voices —
and donating 2% of annual profits to causes YOU care
about. It’s all in our 4th annual impact report.

*

This isn’t the first time e.l.f. has flirted with naughty words. The corporate blog is called “The e.l.f. Word,” which winks at “the F-word.” The “page loading” graphic on the corporate website reads “Let’s Elfing Gooo.” (For more on “let’s fucking go,” see my January 2020 Strong Language post.)

And in 2024, the company launched “So Many Dicks,” a campaign that wasn’t exactly about penises. Its argument was the fact that men named Dick (or Richard, Rick, or Rich) outnumbered women of any name on the corporate boards of publicly traded companies. (Two-thirds of e.l.f’s board members are women.) “We want to normalize diversity — and if it takes some e.l.f.ing in-your-face advertising to do it, we’re happy to put it on some of the biggest screens you can imagine,” the company’s chief marketing officer, Kory Marchisotto, said at the time.

E.l.f. clearly likes to turn its brand name into various parts of speech, which is cheeky and a little risky. (Trademark lawyers will tell you it leads to genericide.) But I want to focus on something else about the current ad campaign, namely: Is it even possible, linguistically, to “give an e.l.f.”? Or a fuck? If it is, how many e.l.f.s (or fucks) can you give? And by the way: How long have we been giving (or not giving) fucks?

*

I’ll take the last question first.

In the fourth edition of his indispensable The F-Word, Jesse Sheidlower traces the original DGAF abbreviation (“don’t give a fuck” = don’t care) to a 1995 Usenet posting. But DILLIGAF — “do I look like I give a fuck?” — is considerably older: Jesse found it in Current Slang, volume 5, number 1, from 1970: “‘D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.’ or DILLIGAF, n. An irresponsible person. . . . adj. Irresponsible.” The meaning has shifted over the decades to something closer to “indifference” or even “scorn”; The F-Word’s most recent citation, from 2020, concerns a New York City police officer who wore a face mask depicting the Punisher’s skull logo along with DILLIGAF.

As for the other questions, they’re catnip for the contributors (or co-fuckers, as we like to say) here at Strong Language. Linguistic anthropologist Stephen Chrisomalis, for example, tackled the issue of countable fucks back in 2014, under the heading “How many swears can we give?” Stephen’s jumping-off point was a then-popular meme, “Look at all the fucks I give”:

‘Give a damn’, ‘give a shit’, ‘give a fuck’, and other such items are all examples of negative polarity items (NPIs), which are unmarked when they occur in negative contexts. If you’re familiar with the phrase give a fuck, then you don’t need to be told that this is a rephrasing of I don’t give a fuck, because it rarely occurs as a positive polarity item (e.g. I give a fuck about you sounds odd).

(Emphasis added.)

Which would make “Don’t give a F#@&” and “Give an e.l.f.” sound slightly wrong to our ears. In advertising, though, that strangeness can be an asset: It creates just enough friction to be memorable.

Besides, as John Kelly observed less than a year after Stephen published his post, although “I give a fuck” is “not a way we would normally express care,” the expression is increasingly being used for humorous effect. Case in point: “I give zero fucks.” John wrote:

In 2015, giving zero fucks isn’t about not caring per se. Giving zero fucks is about an I’m-over-it ignoring of haters, trolls, and bullies, to draw on some popular vernacular; it’s about leaning in, #beingyourself, having swagger, no more ass-kissing or bullshit-taking. But this is a two-sided fuck, if you will. A zero-fucks approach can have a liberating assertiveness and self-confidence, but it also runs the risk of being heedless, uncompromising, irresponsible, or unfeeling, as Emma Gray smartly warned in her exhortation for us to give more fucks. This is an age-old tension for the individual in society, of course, but one that seems like it’s being more intensely staged in the modern psyche, on Twitter feeds, and American politics.

And in 2019, Ben Zimmer updated the discussion with “New Frontiers in the Giving of Fucks and Shits.” The post includes a spirited music video, “I’ve No More Fucks to Give,” which is the very best sort of earworm.

Probably not, though, for e.l.f., which is very much in the fucks-giving spirit this season. Ho ho ho!

#beingyourself #cosmetics #dgaf #dilligaf #eLF #lfg #mincedOaths

"Every day you realize more of who you are and what, why, when, and how of what you truly love."
Joseph Rodrigues (I like listening to him on YouTube)
#inspirational #beingyourself #love #happiness #abundance

"Every day you realize more of who you are and what, why, when, and how of what you truly love."
Joseph Rodrigues (I like listening to him on YouTube)
#inspirational #beingyourself #love #happiness #abundance

Zoya’s New Brand Film with Sonam Kapoor Ahuja Celebrates being Yourself.

#Zoya #SonamKapoor #SonamKapoorAhuja #BeingYourself #MyEmbrace

https://www.ganganews.com/business/zoyas-new-brand-film-with-sonam-kapoor-ahuja-celebrates-being-yourself/

Zoya’s New Brand Film with Sonam Kapoor Ahuja Celebrates being Yourself.

#Zoya #SonamKapoor #SonamKapoorAhuja #BeingYourself #MyEmbrace

https://www.ganganews.com/business/zoyas-new-brand-film-with-sonam-kapoor-ahuja-celebrates-being-yourself/

Zoya’s New Brand Film with Sonam Kapoor Ahuja Celebrates being Yourself.

#Zoya #SonamKapoor #SonamKapoorAhuja #BeingYourself #MyEmbrace

https://www.ganganews.com/business/zoyas-new-brand-film-with-sonam-kapoor-ahuja-celebrates-being-yourself/