#beebzblog — Public Fediverse posts
Live and recent posts from across the Fediverse tagged #beebzblog, aggregated by home.social.
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CW: Housing Update (Neutral)
on the waitlist for a disability community a friend here sent me an application for. more waiting is still horrendous and scary but at least theres more avenues of escape. Thank you for supporting me
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I just trimmed my claws and combed my fur and I'm feeling a little better #selfcare #BeebzBlog
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the injustice of my housing situation is dizzingly demoralizing
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If you feel scared to realize your dream project because of your lack of skills, just remember you can always come back a few projects later when you feel more skilled to do a remaster for double the hype and lore.
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67 is 69 but the 7 is holding the 6 upside down while standing
#BeebzBlog #SillyPosting #transweedDotEmoji #sixseven #nsfw #shitpost
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Looks at people who come up against hate crusades that use "evidence" from 7 or more years ago and I'm here thinking: Shit, they didn't know it yet but maybe Gen X had a point when they warned us about our "PERMANENT RECORD"
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even having plotted out how long i can afford to stay here im constantly fucking terrified waiting with my literal life on the line to see if i can get into a nursing home and i want the fear to end. i cant take this. im exploding. i just want to be safe. i just want to be safe
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Just had Buldak for the first time. HOLY SHIT its so tasty! The spicy is more in the back of the throat than on the tongue (giggity)
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What if you take the art you love from other people and flip that horizontally? See how that feels.
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Having a lot of fun playing My Time At Sandrock lately. Its the age regression game of all time for me with the way the voice acting goes :PleadingFaceVerifiedBadge:
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Gamers will spend $30 on an early access game once and expect the devs to thanklessly shit out a major update every 4 months for 15 years otherwise theyre "abandoning" the game. #BeebzBlog
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I'm putting the word "Abandoned" on a shelf away from The Gamers™️ until they learn how to use it. #BeebzBlog
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CW: Death (in Dreams)
Dreams about dying are one thing.
Dreams about being killed are another.
Let alone multiple times in one night.
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I can now share a link to my ABLE account without doxxing myself. You can safely donate to me here. ABLE Accounts are exempt from the draconian $2,000 cash limit us disabled people in USA have. If you're also in Pennsylvania they can also be tax deductible.
Your support right now is going towards security and peace of mind for me and my cat Savvy.
#BeebzBlog #disabledmutualaid #disability #mutualaid #housing #homelessaid
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you ever get so sleepy and stubborn you draw with one eye open #BeebzBlog
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I am still searching for housing in Pennsylvania for me and my cat. My Savings are quickly getting guzzled by hotel fees and i wont have much time before I become street homeless again. And at that point, I will absolutely be in danger as a disabled queer black latino. I have no safety nets. Please help me
#BeebzBlog #blackmutualaid #disabled #housingaid #Pennsylvania
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The housing search is still really bad and not getting anywhere. I keep being denied because Im not earning over $2000 a month because of the "rent to income ratio" requirements. As someone on SSI, my income is hard limited to $900~ a month but I cant even get the opportunity to secure anything so much as $700 a month.
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Emotions are hard and im so tired of thinking. i wish i could channel brainless gooner energy again
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If we have subwoofers why can't we have dommeowers
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I need a Gen Z artist to give me composition tips for vertical 16x9 short video media :blobcatadorable:
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CW: Long Post // Depression/Oppression Induced Art Block // homelessness,dehumanization, abuse
There's something that just kinda clicked to me just now about the nature of art. Whether we admit to it or not, art is an act of expressing yourself. It can be as detailed as a painting or as simple as a one word poem. As soulful as a eulogy or as casual as an insult. We can define our own meaning to what art is at any moment, but this is the way I see it. And as someone who has been repeatedly told and oftentimes shown that my voice, my feelings, my comfort doesnt matter, is it any wonder why I feel this lack of meaning with my art?
Should it be any mystery how I took the connection being discarded by the one person I trusted the most in this whole world in an instant and came up with the idea that I no longer had value. 15 Years with someone you met just on the brink of puberty, who had saved your life in more ways than one. We were almost at a point where our friendship was hitting the halfway point of my entire life. Her loss leading directly into being homeless in 2024, one the streets in the middle of January, well I wont belabour the point. The way I was treated changed me as a person and a system. It's like I died and finally getting housing that Summer after months of torment was simply reanimating my corpse.
I often feel a lot of shame that that happened to me. I had considered my first homelessness to be a "noble sacrifice". It was a voluntary choice I made when I was 19 so I could gain independence from my severly abusive mother. But not only was I protected by getting into the emergency shelter immediately and being a youth, this time I had no way of making money and was fighting for disability, and my partner at the time knew that. So then came all the shame and gravity that came with being on the street and treated literally less than human. I still kept drawing, and I still do it, but have often lately felt a struggle to connect with it, unless it was vent art, which I was always reluctant to do because not marinating in the feelings felt a lot more appealing.
And then it hit me. I continue to feel the shame and dehumanization lessons I had to suffer, not only throughtout my whole life anyway, but the added intensity that being street homeless gave. If nobody gave a crap about what I had to say when my life was on the line, why on earth would they care about anything else from me. And this is not to discount my friends and community who have loved and kept me afloat. But the conflicting messages of only getting positive feedback through the computer and being completely disregarded in person, I often feel like believing my friends is only deluding myself. This is often the first sign of me going into a depression induced psychosis episode.
It's no wonder I seek so desperately for validation and approval online, because when every other avenue demeans you into nothing, you either latch onto what keeps you going or succumb to despair. It's hard to have hope because I keep getting all the wrong lessons because of whats going on in the world that keeps directly keeping me down. and then I go through all this to see all the most violent fighting going on about the stupidest bullshit, i.e. puritanical censorship of fiction. Why does being allowed to express myself mean so much to me? It's literally whats keeping me alive. The promise and hope of being able to make more art. The longing for me to pursue the projects I spent my life over. To take everything that helped me escape the brutal reality, and maybe help someone else escape theirs too.
this message was brought to you by medical marijuana and playing YunYun! Rhythmn Psychosis. Rim de Lacent!
P.S. "Escaping reality is a crutch" not only is an ableist statement, but it's an easy thing to say when your reality isn't a bullet hell and your hitbox is half the screen.
What keeps me alive should keep me alive. I'm not hurting anyone and I put warnings on things, nobody is walking into something they dont want to see if I can help it. But thats beside the point. The seemingly simple things that I hold close to my heart because they help me find value in myself. Any I need to cling to everything I can to keep going. Even if sometimes its because making my friends happy make me happy. And that should be okay too. When my own identity has been demeaned so much that I dont even know what I want from myself, I need to allow myself grace and let myself take little steps.
So much of my thinking gets blocked by all these arbitrary rules my mother placed on me. In fact, a lot of the self soothing techniques I would do would just be bowled over by her and essentially brainwashing me out of healthy coping mechanisms. Like bruh. But yeah, my reality blows, and its hard to keep going, but I need to start questioning my self meanness a lot more. It's hard when its so thickly reinforced but augh. I just hate having to argue with headmates over it </3
#BeebzBlog #BeebzArt #traumarecovery #cptsd #transweedDotEmoji #abuseSurvivor #homelessness #artBlock #depression
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No amount of productivity can convey the true depth of self loathing and disdain I have for myself despite it all
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Can anhedonia stop stealing my life from me please?
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Got down to storage and into another hotel. Having less stuff with me helps. I talked to a social worker the other dat who sent me some resources ill have to sift through. This truly is awful but im still trying and I hope something can help. Luckily I was met with a lot more compassion yesterday than last Friday. Im so grateful for everyones moral support. It really is helping.
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Fupa so big they need a crowbar to get into them jeans
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Sometimes as a kid I would let unpopped popcorn kernels at the bottom of a bag fill my mouth and practice my "Bullet Seed" back into the bag
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How other lewd artists draw vs How I draw #MuseDash #BeebzBlog
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As I approach joining the ranks of 30 year old fandom, I've been less interested in bingeing videos because I end up feeling more exhausted and somewhat unfulfilled drinking it all at once.
Its not even that I dont have the time, I just want time to be able to process what I had just watched too. I miss the hype around "next weeks episode"
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Does anyone else ever feel like all the annoyances of their life get worse when wanting to focus on something? @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
For example, a lot of times on bad brain days where I wanna write or draw, suddenly my chronic pain becomes more noticeable and intense! I get sleepy enough to take hour long naps. Or depression intensifies so badly i just sit there stuck and spiraling.
Happening with and without my background noise helpers. Its frustrating
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Does anyone else ever feel like all the annoyances of their life get worse when wanting to focus on something? @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
For example, a lot of times on bad brain days where I wanna write or draw, suddenly my chronic pain becomes more noticeable and intense! I get sleepy enough to take hour long naps. Or depression intensifies so badly i just sit there stuck and spiraling.
Happening with and without my background noise helpers. Its frustrating
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Does anyone else ever feel like all the annoyances of their life get worse when wanting to focus on something? @actuallyadhd @actuallyautistic
For example, a lot of times on bad brain days where I wanna write or draw, suddenly my chronic pain becomes more noticeable and intense! I get sleepy enough to take hour long naps. Or depression intensifies so badly i just sit there stuck and spiraling.
Happening with and without my background noise helpers. Its frustrating
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God, do you guys find it a big deal when people use a personal hashtag for their related posts instead of a thread? I really want to do a queue like system with posty birb but I can't exactly make a thread if the last one I want to reply to hasnt been posted yet.
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I'm worried about being bad. About being an amateur. About being messy. About being inexperienced. A lot of endeavors we see feels like such a corporate fueled and calcuated production. We were in the days of "bad art blogs"on tumblr, and were targeted by more than one. Even purposely silly stuff I made was put on display for people to laugh AT me, not with me.
For culture to now circle back and celebrate the messiness of being bad at stuff is really hard for me to internalize, even if its everything I ever wanted.
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Would people consider an audio fan project that is more like a skit or audio drama to still be in the #podfic category? And would tagging such a thing as podfic be overall accepted if theres not an existing term yet?
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Would people consider an audio fan project that is more like a skit or audio drama to still be in the #podfic category? And would tagging such a thing as podfic be overall accepted if theres not an existing term yet?
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Can I get some encouragement from people for me to pursue my fandom dreams n stuff? :blobPleading: Like making the next chapters of my long fics, thumbnailing art, sharing unhinged ideas of the blorbos.
My fandoms can make me so happy it can get overwhelming, but I havent met many people who have experienced the same thing. I end up getting paralyzed with both decision fatigue and my previous trauma of being ridiculed and cringed at.
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Sup ya'll! I made that side account on blorbo I was talking about! I want some more fandom friends in #TADC #CookieRun / #ProblemCookie #Hellaverse and #Hetalia
I'm 29 Fennboy and like making all sorts of fan media, especially now to heal from traumas and stuff. Anyway, lets be friends please! <3