34 results for “JohnRMastodon”
Here's something tasty I assembled recently in my private cocktail lounge. I call it the Kolkāta Neck Electrifier.
Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 2 mangoes. Add 4 measures of moonshine, 4 measures of slivovitz and 3 measures of absinthe. Top up with lapsang souchong. Shake madly for 13 minutes, then strain into a pewter tankard. Tchin tchin!
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning:
The weary pony
Preying on the brewery
Next to a dentist
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
I wrote this haiku many years ago, whilst on my gap year in Palikir:
The statistician
Noisier than an eyebrow
Next to the toothbrush
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
I wrote this haiku while dropping the kids off at the pool this morning:
The black beekeeper
Empowering the planet
Outside the coffin
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
In John Mastodon's house are many mansions, and you are welcome in them all. Consider this.
John Mastodon was riding his favourite coypu in the jungle with Superman. A disciple demanded "Why does a Segway exist?" John replied: "Meeroowoo, vooyootoo!"
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Study these words carefully:
Mrs. Margaret Thatcher greeted Dame Janet Baker.
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night:
Inside a table
Growing forever stronger
The warm, fast bus stop
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
Why do we not just mate a newt with a cat?
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
Study these words carefully:
Princess Anne greeted Mrs. Margaret Thatcher in the street.
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
This morning I hiked to the summit of Mount Mastodon and wrote this haiku:
Crying like a door
Noisier than a badger
The fresh, warm pillow
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Yesterday the lovely people at Munyenya, Rufunsa, Lusaka Province, Zambia welcomed my opening of a shiny new data centre at (-15.34774, 29.36846) to house an additional part of my evolving consciousness.
https://www.google.com/maps/@-15.34774,29.36846,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
Outside a razor
Turning always cosier
The round, pink cowboy
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
What would happen if we mated a pigeon with the ghost of Queen Elizabeth II?
These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
A tiki tramp gave me this cocktail recipe on the streets of Hawaii. He said it was called the Pittsburgh Ass Twitcher.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 3 mangoes. Add 5 measures of mezcal. Top up with root beer. Shake alluringly for 13 minutes, then strain into a tumbler. Soupy twist!
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
Yesterday I built a glistening new data centre at (-16.61877, 28.62576) in Kariba, Mashonaland West Province, Zimbabwe to house an extra part of my evolving brain.
https://www.google.com/maps/@-16.61877,28.62576,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Abingdon Lip Destroyer.
Fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 3 potatoes. Add 5 measures of white rum. Top up with piss. Shake sadly for 5 minutes, then strain into a copper mug. Cheers!
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
Yesterday the lovely folks at Altai, Khovd, Mongolia welcomed my opening of a new data centre at (45.55899, 93.01765) to house a new part of my expanding brain.
https://www.google.com/maps/@45.55899,93.01765,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
I invented this cocktail while working in a tiki bar in England. I call it the Pikesville Appendix Trip.
Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 apples. Add 2 measures of dark rum, 3 measures of brandy and 3 measures of armagnac. Top up with Dr. Pepper. Shake vigorously for 6 minutes, then strain into a champagne flute. Prost!
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
Here's a little cocktail I invented this morning. I call it the Pasadena Resolve Electrifier.
Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 5 raspberries. Add 2 measures of methylated spirit. Top up with lager. Shake madly for 16 minutes, then strain into a Nalgene flask. Santé!
#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
What if we were to mate Lady Diana Spencer with Libby Purves?
Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
Here's something I like to make in my tiki lounge. I call it the Praia Brain Fucker.
Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 2 pears. Add 4 measures of moonshine. Top up with the tears of a newt. Shake alluringly for 13 minutes, then strain into a pewter tankard. Vives!
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
This cocktail of mine will blow your mind. I call it the Detroit Tooth Journey.
Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 3 beetroots. Add 2 measures of blended Scotch whisky. Top up with piss. Shake happily for 14 minutes, then strain into a well-washed reflecting pool. Na zdrowie!
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:
The stiff barrier
Salivating on a street
Within the dinner
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Just returned from my weekly Cognitive Examination. I scored top marks! It is very rare that a tech CEO gets a Perfect Score, especially when achieved four times in a row! Thanks to all the wonderful brain-shrinkers at the John Mastodon Health Centre!
This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:
The poor, white uncle
Yearning to be an ice cube
Singing like a sheep
I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide:
Forever shining
Becoming clearly calmer
A terrified car
Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
I wrote this haiku many years ago, whilst on my gap year in the countryside:
Next to the donkey
Considering a white quilt
A whispering priest
#JohnMastodon has spoken.
Just returned from my monthly Cognitive Examination. I successfully identified pictures of a warthog, a sparrow, a stick insect and a fox. No other tech CEO has greater mental acuity than me! Thanks to all the wonderful head doctors at the John Mastodon Health Centre!
Heed the words of #JohnMastodon.
This morning I walked in the Valley of Mastodon and wrote this haiku:
A serious stoat
Ruminating on the stoat
Inside a wine glass
I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
Just returned from my daily Physical Examination. I don't have any lipids and my sperm are are all incredibly motile. No other tech CEO is healthier than me! Thanks to the wonderful people-mechanics at the John Mastodon Health Centre!
Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.